I dont know who i am anymore

Former Member

I hate posting on here because i always feel like i come across as some miserable idiot who just needs to get their life together and i dont want to come across like that.

I am struggling so much with suicidal thoughts, self harm and lack of motivation, i have so much media coursework to do which needs to be done by Tuesday 23rd but i just dont have the energy to do it, i feel like im trapped inside a box which i cant get out of and i was talking to a chidline counsellor and he said something a long the lines of - it seems like you are building a wall around yourself as you dont want to let others in to see how broken you really are.

I feel so lost, i need someone to help me to get through this, i feel like im going through this alone - ive got the dentist on saturday and yes i am so scared of the dentist and i dont want to go because i am scared but also i am scared that the stress of it will cause me to self harm and make things worse, sorry if this doesn't make any sense, im struggling so much with everything, theres not even a specific thing that is making me feel this way, i feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained

Former Member

@TheSite i dont know what to do ^^^

Former Member

Aside from that, what did Childline say to you?

Have you booked your GP appt yet?Perhaps this is withdrawal symptoms from your meds having run out?

Stay strong as you WILL get there zx

Former Member

Hi,

Childline told me to try and distract myself by doing things i love, something that would occupy my mind and yes i have booked my GP appoinment, its on the 26th - the earliest appointment i could get as my local doctors surgery is so busy and yes maybe.

I just feel so trapped, hopeless and like no one cares about me anymore.

Former Member

It's good you've booked it.People do care otherwise we would not keep replying to all of your threads on this board Hun!

Would you feel able to ring your crisis team?You need to try to think about the causes for this, unless it's simply withdrawal?

Former Member

No i dont think i can - im just going to wait till i see my GP, its going to one hell of a long wait but i just cant talk on the phone.

Former Member

Then how About popping in to your local samritans or mind branch?Or possibly texting the samaritans or TESS?Plenty of options!

You can do thisn

Former Member

I might just text the samaritans because i just need someone to talk to - i could call SOBS because ive called them lots before and i feel comfortable talking to them but i bet they would get fed up with me calling them again.

Former Member

What's SOBS?

No support service would get fed up etc with the same person contacting again and again and again.They're there to help c

X

Former Member

I know what SOBS is-Just researched it

Former Member

HannahBannanna wrote: »

I know what SOBS is-Just researched it

i was thinking if you would actually know who SOBS are or not - i was thinking of writing a little description of the charity on the post as well, its good you researched it x

Former Member

I did research it and it's good for you to use them although I feel that something like TESS or samaritans would be best suited to and for you at the moment.Keep using CL too-Lots of options Hun x

Former Member

HannahBannanna wrote: »

I did research it and it's good for you to use them although I feel that something like TESS or samaritans would be best suited to and for you at the moment.Keep using CL too-Lots of options Hun x

I will do, thank you for all the support Hannah x

Former Member

Good good No worries, you're more than welcome.Gonna be around a lot of the night and will keep checking here if you need me or need to talk some more x

Former Member

I just feel like a complete mistake

Former Member

You are NOT a mistake!👍

What's happened?

Former Member

My dad told me that i just need to get over what happened with my friend (my friend took his own life back in may last year) but i cant - im still in shock and disbelief that hes gone - he was my boyfriend for goodness sake!

Former Member

That solely does not make you a mistake!!

Have you ever sat down with him and perhaps explain to him how it's made you feel as maybe he finds it hard to support you if he doesn't know?

Former Member

Feeling better again today?x

Former Member

HannahBannanna wrote: »

That solely does not make you a mistake!!

Have you ever sat down with him and perhaps explain to him how it's made you feel as maybe he finds it hard to support you if he doesn't know?

I have sat down with him 2 times before and explained it to him but he doesnt get it so sort of gave up with him and yes im feeling a bit better today x

Former Member

Well Done for trying that--How did he react those times? As in what did he say and do Hun? Don't give up trying as unfortunately these things do take time.

Glad you/re feeling much better again today..What are you up to?x

Former Member

He reacted in a way which it seemed like he didn't really care and he didn't really want to listen to me and im not doing much today, got a ridiculous amount of media coursework to do but other than that, nothing, im just going to be relaxing, listening to music and catching up on a bit of TV - im trying to distract myself from whats happening tomorrow, ive got a dentist check up tomorrow and i have a serious phobia of the dentist.

Former Member

Phobias of the dentist is more common than not and you're not alone.Where has your phobia come from?You'll definitely be fine and you know it

How about helping him to help you?

Former Member

My phobia has comes from past experiences at the dentist and passing out in the waiting room and yes i was thinking about that - when i start counselling i might ask my counsellor or even before getting counselling i might ask my GP to explain to him what is going on and what depression really is to help him understood more of what im feeling.

Former Member

You are taking the right steps still and are doing so well.It's amazing that you are considering that and acknowledging how you can let it to him--Maybe you can write it down to hand over to him if that will help you?

Do you have other relatives to confide in?

Former Member

Im just going to get my gp to talk to him because i cant do it myself and no i dont, i do have lots of relatives and friends but id rather keep it to myself.

Former Member

I understand that but need you to know how well you are doing by sharing it here

How about your mum?Or any siblings?

Former Member

Well i dont want to tell my mum because she will worry so much and probably over exaggerate the whole situation plus im not very close with my sister and brother and im sure that both my brother and sister dont really care about me anyway.

Former Member

@HannahBannanna you know when you are young and you think i want to live till im 100 because it would be great to get a letter from the queen?
(maybe that was only me) but i would happily go to sleep now and never wake up.

Former Member

No that's not only you Hun and believe me many young children believe and say this

What are you feeling at the moment?

Yeah I can understand that--Why do you feel the relationships are like that?

Former Member

I feel like everyday is just getting harder and harder and i just have no purpose - i just wake up have my day and go to sleep - i feel completely useless and that people would be happier without me here.