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Update: Mental Health and University

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  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks notagain.

    I did actually get the bus into the library yesterday and worked on some research for my essay thing. Then I went for a walk about town.

    But got myself into a tizzy again :( got very down and ended up crying on the bus home. I wrote a list of people to write letters too and started making plans :(
    Then I phoned a helpline, just talking and stuff.

    Things aren't good at the moment.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I had a feeling things weren't good and i actually got quite worried about you Amanda, thank goodness you're okay *hug*

    Hay good on you for getting started on some work im proud of you, i really am.:heart: because the it takes quite a lot to be productive but you've been doing a good job of it so far, even if it doesn't feel like it.

    It's good to cry, having that outlet of emotion is more effective than hurting yourself and i things must have been so shit to go that far and im sorry to hear you feeling this low. Again well done for talking out and phoning a helpline to de-escalate the situation :yes: you're handling this brilliantly and i can tell that you really are trying really hard.

    i've made you a why i think Amanda is awesome list (i hoping to get paid for this lol)


    .funny
    .smart
    .articulate
    .caring
    .great fun
    .bubbly
    .supper cool
    .attentive to others
    .great sense of humour

    And these are things i have picked up whilst talking to you on here and i would hate to hear anything bad happened to you because you're such a nice person and i really do care because you're so genuine and soo nice. You matter very much and people out there, people that you know will be saddened to hear of your passing because your apart of peoples lives, one way or another who knows man, you might might be someone reason for getting up and smiling in the morning. I know you're hurting right now but killing yourself is not the answer.

    What you want is for the pain to go away, it's understandable and it completely makes sense but there are ways to make it lessen you just have to give it time, look im proof.

    keep us updated yeah :heart:

    Thanks for your lovely reply notagainvitelina. Apologies, I haven't been on in a few days, things have been hectic. Hope your doing okay x
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Haven't been on in a few days- a lot has happened. Long story short, my parents found out everything - my struggles, antidepressants, that I've had "thoughts". Parents are supportive but there's been a lot of high emotions. Been finding it really hard, but the past few days things are calming down a bit, although they are still adjusting. I'm still going to continue with the medication and am awaiting my referral to cmht. My parents know I've been using a forum (read a journal of mine), they aren't too keen on it. I've been too scared and felt to guilty to use thesite, but I've really missed it in many ways. Thinking about it, I'm an adult so I can decide whether I use forums or not, and I've decided to not stop using thesite. Depending on how things go, I may not use it as much. My parents do not understand what thesite is and how it works, I don't plan to tell them either, as I want to use this as one of my "spaces" away from family etc. I have let my parents take over my medication, I felt I had to or it would make the situation escalate. After speaking to the student nurse, I've decided to leave it be until things calm down. Then try to make an agreement with them, I am almost 19 afterall. So yeah, that's a brief overview of things. It's all a bit of a shock to me to be honest, I never told them, they found out.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    So a while back I wrote a few journal entries in a notebook. Well my parents saw that. I honestly forgot what I wrote, so I just read it there....... Makes me feel very sad, and I can't believe what my parents read :( I'm feeling a bit stripped of my independence, parents makes me put a tracking app on my phone, so I feel I can't go just anywhere without reason. Not sure if they check it often, but I feel I can't just go for a walk in the park and I can no longer ever go to the Samaritans branch (one in town, not far from my uni) if I ever feel desperate. They want me to tell them everything, I'm trying to be more open now but they need to understand I can't say everything (some things may be about them). They are happy for me to continue with counselling and all the help etc. but they want me to tell them EVERYTHING. Well that's especially difficult when they show that emotion, get annoyed etc. I know that's natural but that's why I need to talk to people, who aren't family.
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 The Mix Regular
    *hug* apandav that all sounds really tough what has happened with your parents.

    I think parents find it really hard to understand why their children would turn to the internet and forums like these and I suspect they might be worried because often in the media you hear about people meeting online and being triggered by others. I guess all you can do is explain it is a safe place with mods etc, and where it's pro support and not triggering etc. I suspect they are also scared, so are trying to draw you back into them where they think keeping you in sight will keep you safe, which is why they want to know about your every move.

    It might be worth trying to compromise with them and say you don't find it helpful for them to want to know where you are all the time (with the tracker) and know everything that is happening - perhaps you could agree that you will outline your plan for the day and keep your phone with you so they can contact you if need be. Perhaps trying to keep with what they're suggesting for a bit might help them to calm down, but make sure it doesn't affect you too much. It's a really difficult time for you all, so big hugs and we're all here if you need a vent or support or whatever :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks @plugitin :) things were just starting to calm down, and now this (as you saw in my new thread) :(
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Weekdays were probably the better days the past few weeks as been very busy with coursework........... then I have to feel extremely low at uni (the one place that gave me something positive).

    I don't have anything to do as I finished my drafts and I'm too stressed to work on my final one (it's stressing me so waiting until after I meet my tutor tomorrow). So can't do that, plus I don't enjoy "enjoyable" things at the moment. I've tried going a walk, now I'm sitting in library doing nothing- my thoughts been getting really bad. I had thoughts of suicide again today :( but I've told myself no wait until your appointment on Thursday.

    It's only 2pm and I just want the day to go in quicker.

    I feel like shit, woke up feeling this way and unis not even helping today.

    I don't know what to do.....
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Clinical psychology assessment - TODAY!! Nervous.....
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Another 4 hours until appointment, I'm ready, I'll have lunch at 12 so still have another 2 hours 30mins to waste ............... Normally I go into uni early and sit in library but I can't as there would be no point. I hate being in the house :( but I can't leave or I'd have to turn off my tracker (just incase). Parents won't know different during appointment as I'm normally in a practical class so turn my phone off by that time. Plus I have a dodgey foot at the moment so walks out the window. Plus not in mood for a walk. Now I'm sitting in my room, I need to have another look at my list I wrote for the appointment but that won't take long. I'll just make myself more nervous if I don't find something to do. Plus I'm conflicted what if I get too relaxed and they don't believe me at the appointment as things really do get bad. I get so low and have s'dal thoughts. I need help or my life's not worth living.just getting myself into a tangent....
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Not too long now........ Getting nervous, just want to get it done now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey apandav,

    Just wanted to offer my support for today *hug*

    The waiting around part isn't fun, especially when you're feeling nervous. It may be a good thing keeping yourself busy until the appointment - feeling relaxed is okay; it might put you a little more at ease and may feel more like just a chat. It's really good that you've prepared with your list - remember today is about working through what your needs are and maybe exploring your options :yes:

    Let us know how you get on, we're right behind you :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    raich wrote: »
    Hey apandav,

    Just wanted to offer my support for today *hug*

    The waiting around part isn't fun, especially when you're feeling nervous. It may be a good thing keeping yourself busy until the appointment - feeling relaxed is okay; it might put you a little more at ease and may feel more like just a chat. It's really good that you've prepared with your list - remember today is about working through what your needs are and maybe exploring your options :yes:

    Let us know how you get on, we're right behind you :)

    Thanks Raich!

    Struggling to sleep as have a lot on my mind, right now. I feel frustrated by the appointment as I was an open book (said some difficult things) yet they feel I need another appointment to decide if I'm suitable for that service! It was a long hour and a half- got interview assessment, she went to speak to her supervisor and I sat doing questionnaires in the meantime. So yeah another week of waiting :(

    Plus I felt and still feel very low after it as it brought up a lot of emotions. I'm worried about the outcome of next week too. Struggling to sleep and don't know how I'll focus at uni at all in the meantime!
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Hey apandav.

    Just thought id see how your doing. Sending you hugs
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Hey apandav.

    Just thought id see how your doing. Sending you hugs

    Thanks *BananaMonkey* !

    Not get to be honest, I'm worrying so much right now about the outcome of this appointment, I feel generally low and I feel trapped. I had to go home early instead of study in library (as I hurt my foot and was limping badly). My mum is at home, she's okay but I feel distant and want to hide in my room. I can't concentrate to do uni work at home! Feeling miserable :( plus it's the weekends and weekends are the worst for me!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I feel horrible and lost right, sorta panicky and down. I feel trapped in my room, but have no where else to go :( I feel so sad, I feel like omg how am I going to make it through the weekend!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey apandav,

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling low and unable to focus since the appointment. I can see why you’re frustrated – although it won’t be that they disregard what you said at the first appointment; it might just take another session or two to really get to know you and figure out how they are best able to help you. It takes guts to be open and honest, so well done *hug*

    Hope you’ve been doing okay this weekend
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    apandav wrote: »
    I feel horrible and lost right, sorta panicky and down. I feel trapped in my room, but have no where else to go :( I feel so sad, I feel like omg how am I going to make it through the weekend!!!

    Apandav,

    I've just gotten back from work but I wanted to respond to your thread because honestly I can relate to aspect of your thread, I know I'm not in your shoes or anything, but I know what a difficult battle it is to be attending university while also battling and mental health issues, or battling with your own mental health, unless you've been in the position I don't think people really get it, but take a deep breath, often when were so tied up with University life and also home life and like also mental health m'larkey we forget we NEED to look after ourselves and by that I don't mean like sit in your room doing nothing, I mean, go out, treat yourself, hang with friends, do something you enjoy, because you need the 'me' time by the sounds of things.

    Are you commuting from home for University? I know you have like the stress of appts and stuff too, but honestly I know its easier said than done, but for a moment, allow yourself to focus on you, have you joined any societies or anything at University yet? Or looked into societies your university has to offer? Did you find out about the outcome of clinical appointment yet? Or do you have to wait a bit? Like waiting is the worst bit, especially if you're so focussed on it, because it will bring you down but you need to do something that will help distract you away from it, when you can feel your mind ticking away at it, go for a walk or even just blast some music and dance to it. Like do something you feel comfortable with, but also distracts you.

    How is university life treating you? I'm always here for you if you ever like need a chat, I do know how lonely it can feel sometimes to go into the environment of university and also having your mental health bring you down too.

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072

    Apandav,

    I've just gotten back from work but I wanted to respond to your thread because honestly I can relate to aspect of your thread, I know I'm not in your shoes or anything, but I know what a difficult battle it is to be attending university while also battling and mental health issues, or battling with your own mental health, unless you've been in the position I don't think people really get it, but take a deep breath, often when were so tied up with University life and also home life and like also mental health m'larkey we forget we NEED to look after ourselves and by that I don't mean like sit in your room doing nothing, I mean, go out, treat yourself, hang with friends, do something you enjoy, because you need the 'me' time by the sounds of things.

    Are you commuting from home for University? I know you have like the stress of appts and stuff too, but honestly I know its easier said than done, but for a moment, allow yourself to focus on you, have you joined any societies or anything at University yet? Or looked into societies your university has to offer? Did you find out about the outcome of clinical appointment yet? Or do you have to wait a bit? Like waiting is the worst bit, especially if you're so focussed on it, because it will bring you down but you need to do something that will help distract you away from it, when you can feel your mind ticking away at it, go for a walk or even just blast some music and dance to it. Like do something you feel comfortable with, but also distracts you.

    How is university life treating you? I'm always here for you if you ever like need a chat, I do know how lonely it can feel sometimes to go into the environment of university and also having your mental health bring you down too.

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart

    Thanks for your reply whispers, I really appreciate it. I kinda had a bit of a break from thesite as felt unable to post for the most part.

    My university are aware of my situation and have honestly been so supportive. I've been calling on university support services too, which honestly don't know what I'd do without. No I haven't joined any clubs, but I think I should consider it. I'm not enjoying much at the moment and it's really taking its toll.

    Had three psychology appointments (through CMHT) and still being assessed. She's hopeful that things will be sorted after my next appointment. I was worried about not being suitable for psychology and being left all alone. But my psychologist explained the set up which is very reassuring. I thought the psychology department and CMHT were seperate , like the GP said one thing, my letter said another. Simple I know but it was very confusing. Turns out psychology is a part of the CMHT and the purpose of this assessment is to decide who it's best suited that I work with. In saying that it's looking like psychology at the moment as they way she was talking last week.

    Thanks for your kind words, it means a lot.

    There are positives to uni, it gets me up, keeps me busy. But as always sometimes the bad times dominate everything.
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