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Update: Mental Health and University

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  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    40mins until chemistry , I could leave the library now, get there in 10mins . Then stand awkwardly outside or I could be a loner in the library for a bit longer..... Big decisions
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey apandav,

    With the friends thing, one idea might be to talk to both sides out of class and just let them know you're aware there's been some stuff going on but that you don't want to get involved and continue spending time with both sets of friends and see how that goes. You may find over time you feel more drawn to one group or you may not, that's okay - you don't have to choose if you don't want to.

    How did chemistry go?

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm here for you :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I'm here for you :)

    Thanks :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    how are you feeling?

    I'm going to be honest ......... I left chat early, by no means was it due to chat itself, I just got triggered- like by something so stupid and simple. I'm just quite sensitive right now and the thought of "trying" just scared me and I though I can't do this. I couldn't concentrate, so I left to phone breathing space (Scottish MH helpline).

    I got upset over the fact she was talking about a wellness action recovery plan or something , as I just don't feel strong enough. Like I don't feel I can do this. I feel I'm not really enjoying life. On paper people would think we'll, I go to uni, my family love me etc. but it's not that simple. I have all these thoughts in my head........ I've know myself what they mean but I just struggle to explain it to people, in fact I've never properly been able to explain to anyone. It's frustrating as people (in general) say things like "you can predict your future", " it's just how your feeling that affects it". I do understand that but I do know my thoughts are irrational as I can't predict the future, but it's like 2 sides to my brain....... My mind overtakes the logic. I know the logic, I just can't apply it. Like my thoughts and the evidence I've gathered in my mind, far overtakes the positive logic of the situation. So I know it's all stupid, but my mind is dominating. It takes over, I can't help it.

    I feel my quality of life is shit right now and it's only bound to get worse. I see no hope for the future (just for everything, not just mental health wise). I know on paper, my life is "technically sound". Sorry if I seem ungrateful, I just feel I don't have much to life for. Just because my life is good on paper, doesn't mean I feel that way.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Hey apandav,

    With the friends thing, one idea might be to talk to both sides out of class and just let them know you're aware there's been some stuff going on but that you don't want to get involved and continue spending time with both sets of friends and see how that goes. You may find over time you feel more drawn to one group or you may not, that's okay - you don't have to choose if you don't want to.

    How did chemistry go?

    :)

    Hey, honestly things are weird and confusing friend wise. So I found today, they are technically still talking but there is an awkward divide. Like we stood together today, and I talked to everyone but yeah it was so split. I thought I understood the situation but obviously not, I'll just need to see how this pans out.

    Chemistry was okay thanks, everyone sat together in a row during the lecture - I was surprised. But quickly went seperate ways at the end.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Just wanted to add, so there is no confusion- chat itself did not trigger me, it's just the thought of something, started off a chain of thought causing me to trigger myself. It's nothing graphic etc. but although I sometimes feel reasonable one minute, recently I've been easily set of by minor, small, stupid, insignificant things- I guess I'm just a bit emotionally sensitive is what I'm trying to say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's really positive that you're building this self-awareness of your triggers apanadav and learning about yourself. The more aware we are of how our minds work the easier it becomes to work on change and recovery. It's okay to be emotionally sensitive, look after yourself today - maybe treat yourself to something or do something just for you *hug*
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Jo7 wrote: »
    It's really positive that you're building this self-awareness of your triggers apanadav and learning about yourself. The more aware we are of how our minds work the easier it becomes to work on change and recovery. It's okay to be emotionally sensitive, look after yourself today - maybe treat yourself to something or do something just for you *hug*

    Yeah that's a good point to think of it. Feeling a lot better today anyways, decided to relax a little at home (I'm off uni today). I enjoyed watching a bit of TV (which haven't been in the mood for recently).- which was a nice treat, all be it small).

    Now I'm a bit guilty as I should be studying for uni. For once, I'm actually on track for tomorrow's test, which is good. (Still behind with my other subjects though).
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Wasn't a good idea to stay at home, now I have no motivation to study
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072


    come on, you can do it!

    Ill study with you

    Hehe, thanks :p I'm almost there, I've logged onto my uni's study website. Going to read a powerpoint NOW!!!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I can't concentrate at all, so bored *yawn* - "Structure and Bonding" is so much fun! Thought my chemistry days were over.......
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Actually lol i can't chat, i ain't done shit hahaha

    Haha, no worries...... me neither! What a lazy bunch we are :p *jokes*
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    If only i there was a like button, i'd like your statement over and over again!


    lol, mods can we get a "like" button???- please :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate myself. I don't even feel alive. I should just end it all.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I hate myself. I don't even feel alive. I should just end it all.

    *hug*s, sorry to here your having a hard time.

    Have you considered making your own thread, as things tend to get lost in big group threads?. That way, it's easier for people to best support you as an individual. Just a suggestion.

    Here if you need to talk :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know how to make my own thread
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Emilyfriesen,

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way *hug*

    As apandav says, it might be worth starting a new thread, where your posts won't get lost and you can get better support.

    If you go to the main Health & Wellbeing page - just under Style & Appearance you will see the button 'New Topic'. If you click on this you can name your thread and post under it :yes:

    Have a look at the Start Here section which contains some useful info to get you used to TheSite.

    We are here for you :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Tomorrow is the day, I meet with my MH mentor from uni, properly for the first time. I have an hour of her time, to discuss MH, uni or anything really. Just so much I feel the need to talk about. I can meet her a maximum of one hour per week, then I'll also be seeing my counsellor for an hour too.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Think I'll ask her to help me make a study plan, ask for tips on essay writing and chat about my MH- how I feel I don't have much to enjoy in life.
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 The Mix Regular
    Good luck with your mentor apandav :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    plugitin wrote: »
    Good luck with your mentor apandav :)

    Thanks
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Really bad thoughts again this morning :( was considering overdosing , then it hit me when mum said "bye darling" this morning, how selfish it would be. Sometimes I think, I don't care it can be revenge too for all that's happened.

    Right now I just want to isolate myself and hide away- can't be bothered with friends. I can't handle this........ Probably made myself look like a fool, don't know what's right these days!!

    Why do I care? Why do I care about anything? Why do I care about friends? Why do I care about this class test this morning?....... I really don't know, my life's bound to end up a disaster so I might as well just end the pain now
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks notagain. I did calm down a bit later and it was good to chat things through with my mentor.

    But now I feel a sudden hit of sadness...... It's the weekend, I hate weekends. Feel I don't have much to live for. Probably force myself to go to library and work on my essay, but I just feel ewww.

    My mentor recommends that I do meet my friends on Saturday and just say things are hard so we can resolve the issue. She made a good point in that I can pretend I don't feel well to go home early, if I don't enjoy it. Probably won't, as I hate big groups but I've been putting off invitations for a while now and I need to at least make an appearance- not that anyone gives a fuck of I don't go anyways. I just feel lost right now, I'm going home on the bus shortly but what the heck will I do with myself.......... :(
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    On that note, I had another really nasty thought jut there. I'm sitting on a bench in town..... I have citalopram in my bag. Telling myself no though
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Was going to do something stupid, I text my mentor. then dad phoned I panicked so I just said I was going home :(
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Fucking watch a film, advice from a helpline, sucks I have no concentration or desire to watch films...... If I did don't you think I would. Piss off
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Fix my fucking wardrobe, I have no energy for that shit.... Kill me now
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I almost got knocked down by a bus twice today, that was accidently too......wish it fucking did happen
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I WAMT TO SCREA,M,,,,M,MM,MMMMM FUCK OFFV AMANDA FUCK DIGHT OFFF
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