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Also I'm hiding a lot from parents so I've not told them about GP appointment but I'm worried they will find out (we do live together) as my dad is really overprotective and likes to know where I go so I'm worrying a lot about making up an excuse. I don't know if he'd buy I'm meeting up with friends at 9:30am in the morning!
I'm worried about what will be said, what questions they will ask me etc. I'm worried about how I will answer, if I freeze up and can't talk. I'm also worried about this previous bad experience with a GP affecting my medical notes and this consultation. I was put on the spot that time and lied a bit, made myself look like a fool. But not going to see that person tomorrow. It's the same person who referred me to CBT in the first place but I wasn't honest with her that time and I feel things have got worse.
Right now, I have so much to do (just simple things) but I have no motivation
I wanted to firstly say, good luck with today. It's a brave thing to do, and a step in the right direction. These things can take you out of your comfort zone, and perhaps cause a little bit of anxiety initially - but try and think of it as the pro's outweighing the cons.
It's great you wrote out how you are feeling, it can really help you get your thoughts clear and ordered. I sometimes struggle with that too - and don't worry about things being on your medical records - that's confidential so no one else but your medical professional, and you, will know about it. It's really commendable that you have realised that there is an issue with your development in CBT.
If you do find yourself struggling to answer any questions that the GP asks you - perhaps you could try saying to them something like I'm sorry - Im finding it a bit hard to respond to that at the moment. GP's won't want to distress you, and if they see you are getting into difficulties trying to answer their questions - then they should notice, but if not, just flag it up. It's better to be honest and let them know how you are feeling :yes:
I hope it all goes well today - we're thinking of you *hug*
Thanks for your reply, it was really helpful!
I've had my apointment and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. The doctor said that the first step, is notice you have a problem and dealing with it - which I did! She was reassuring as she said I did the right thing coming here.
I managed to answer all her questions truthfully.
I ended up getting prescribed a low dose anti- depressant , which she said is good for anxiety and can help aid my CBT. She also said that if you feel that the number of sessions isn't enough, my therapist can refer me on for more if need be. ive got another GP appointment in 2 weeks to follow up the medication.
I've got to be honest was reluctant to take medication in the past , and still am a bit weary. But she reassured me that citalopram is safe and since it's a very low dose. So I'll see how it goes!
My head is so overwhelmed, too many sudden thought, keep trying to block them out....... My mind just won't stop
Why do I keep thinking up the past, replaying conversations in my head it's sooooo annoying and frustrating, causes me anxiety!
I can't write the first words that come to my head, all this swearing and the urge to call myself names (I very rarely swear so it's not like me) .
Control yourself A! Get a grip A! Need to be seriously careful, almost typed my first name, mind is so overpowering!
Screw you thoughts, feelings emotions...... You are a trio of negativity!
I'm starting to annoy myself, I'm writing very weirdly.........don't even make sense!
Wish I could say I'd been drinking, but no I'm not.......im just venting but still avoiding the true venting or they'd be too much names directed at myself! Go on think I'm strange, why do I care!
Man why am I acting this way......... Your so fucking strange apandav, go away!
Ugh this makes no sense...... I make no sense :crying:
I'm absolutely shattered now !
I had to pick up something from shop, but I started worrying as I saw someone I thought I knew from a distance coming towards me........ Luckily it wasn't them.
If only they understood why I haven't being doing that commitment, they still email me. It's a long story I started avoiding my emails and I still do..... Makes me nervous as I don't like seeing emails from them, it's stressful. But the other day I had to as I had to sign up for a uni thing. And she's asking me to go back to get something......I can't do it, I've let them down! It's so hard I have so much anxiety over things, I missed something I signed up for ages ago and I've gave a really bad impression of myself now
And now I have stupid other errand type things I should do but I don't like doing it as I'm scared something will be wrong with it. Like checking my wages as I'm scared there's a mistake so I'd have to speak to manager (which I don't want to) but I'm worried I've been mispayed and that if I discover something wrong and tell my parents they will be annoyed at me not standing up for myself!
And I'm absolutely dreading work tomorrow(and Saturday), it's too stressful at the moment, too much stuff to do (as well as maintain other duties of people will moan). They don't understand how difficult it is for me to balance everything , I can't do it all at once. Then I don't want to face up to my colleague, incase he asks me to come in another date to help him.
Then I was so nervous as I got put on the spot to answer questions (not about me, long story) and I'm worried that other people will be annoyed if I said the wrong things. I'm so indecisive and I just don't have much self trust!
And/or, would doing something practical or physical help? It doesn't have to be strong exercise, but sometimes having a physical focus can help to take your mind of things and change moods. It could be cooking, drawing, exercise, going somewhere, doing a crossword or puzzle - just something that has a physical focus can have a really meditative quality.
Yeah, I made myself do something practical and it helped. Thing is afterwards I always start thinking about things I need to do, worries etc and then I get myself wound up again. I know that pushing myself to do something does help, I just struggle to sustain in! I probably should do some therapy worksheets to help but there's so much I'm dreading it. It's ironic I'm actually worrying about therapy. It's so hard when my moods are everywhere and ive been struggling a lot with motivation recently.
My moods have been everywhere today, it's very overwhelming , one minute I'm so restless and agitated, the next I feel numb and so sad! I feel like I've gotten myself into a mess, it's complicated!
I keep dreading work all the time as it's just to stressful and give me things to worry about. I just don't have the motivation to work, feel like lying in bed all day. I have no motivation.
I keep thinking horrible things in my head..... It scares me!
I have another big worry too
I just can't be bothered with thing at the moment, what's the point! I keep worrying about the future and thinking my life going to end up a disaster.
Plus I don't know how I'll sleep as I feel a bit panicky and I'm not in the best of moods
Plus I'm so disappointed, cbt booklets have been stressing me out, I've become so unmotivated and I hadn't done any yet! I'll look so bad when I see her on Friday!
As far as the form goes - you wouldn't be the first person to lie on an assessment form in therapy so try not to be too hard on yourself, it may be that as your relationship grows with your therapist you feel more inclined to tell her this truth.. see how you feel. If needs be she may be able to refer you for further sessions if needed.
What could you do to help you relax and find a break from all these whizzing thoughts?
I don't know if these might help but these free guided meditations might help you to slow down: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22
Also this mood booster from Off The Record might be worth a look: http://www.otrbristol.org.uk/resilience-lab/mood-booster/
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your GP, don't forget that if your symptoms are getting worse then you can make an appointment to see your GP too.
Let us know how you're doing *hug*
Yeah I sometimes just need to let my thought and feelings out which I have been doing on here, especially when they build up.
Still struggling a lot with things, it's ironic I'm actually worrying about therapy, when it's there to help me. I just find once I start worrying I won't stop and it goes round in my head. Eventually I start to believe some of my fears about my future which brings me down. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed I feel like giving up.
I know that mindfulness can help me (depending if I can concentrate/the mood I'm in) as it has in the past. The only thing is I'm struggling with motivation so I end up only doing it when I'm at my best.
The mediation link you posted has actually got my favourite mindfulness tracks on it. I managed to push myself to do some today,which I haven't done in a while.
The mood boosting website was inspiring, I'm thinking I need to set myself challenges to try some of the exercise. It's just finding motivation to start is difficult.
I know, I've already started to be more open, I need to stop worrying about being honest with my GP and therapist as they are there to help me. It's just scary sometimes.
Thanks