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Help- please? (Anxiety)

Hi,

Im really struggling with my emotions and thoughts - it's complicated! I'm getting therapy for anxiety but I've been feeling really down a lot recently and been experiencing bad thoughts/ urges. I'm very confused by it all! When I get bad thoughts I get annoyed after and try to tell myself it's just my imagination and that I need to get a grip of myself. Then it all goes downhill. I've been feeling down a lot recently, feels like mood swings.
I'm not a confident person and I get angry with myself when I don't meet my expectations!
My mind feels a mess right now, I'm struggling to cope with my emotions, I'm struggling to sleep, I'm loosing motivation!
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, apandav. Welcome to the boards :wave:

    It sounds like a big thing for you is feeling like the thoughts and feelings are invalid or that you shouldn't be having them. Telling yourself to get a grip or that you need to get over it most likely is going to make things worse as you can't help what you're feeling and end up in a spiral of frustration. The key is being able to manage them, not suppress them or deny them.

    My main advice - don't fight your thoughts or feelings; they're perfectly valid, natural, and allowed. It's okay to be confused by things like this as well, but talking it out and getting a listening ear is usually a great way to start understanding them. Reaching out, for some people, is the biggest step (and always a big one regardless) so kudos for posting here. :yes: Feel free to tell us a bit more about why you think you could be feeling like this as well if that would help. We're always able to listen, here. Also, do check out some of TheSite's articles if you get a chance - I know you said you were struggling with urges so you might want to give this one a read: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health...harm-5698.html :)

    All the best,
    Petri
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Hi Petri,

    Thanks for the reply! :)
    Petrichor wrote: »

    The key is being able to manage them, not suppress them or deny them.

    I'm not really sure why I feel down. I just keep having visions of my life turning into a disaster, I also worry about meeting people throughout my life as I'm quite shy which makes me worry that when I'm older I will have no-one. Life scares me and I think all my negative visions of the future are making me sad.

    With regards to bad thoughts/urges, they tend to happen when I'm more emotional.

    I will check out the articles on the site!

    Thanks Petri
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I just really need to let everything out, it's building up too much........

    Yesterday was dreadful was so down all day, today was the same. Especially in the morning I was really down, I got an reply from an organisation (helpline type, don't want to specify the name as I have nothing against them,, note don't let this out you off contacting them, they really do a great job) that I've been emailing. I confided in them with something really deep (something I'm not ready to share on here) and their reply really upset me and it made me feel a million times worse (think the wording triggered me).

    Throughout the day I've been feeling miserable so I decided to phone a helpline a couple of hours ago. It was good to let it all it and it's made me feel a bit better afterwards.

    I've only had 2 cbt sessions. I seem to go in really negative and come out really positive. After my last session I was so positive, things were going great and then boom....... I'm back to feeling really down and unmotivated. I've lost motivation, haven't been able to work on my cbt workbooks since. I'm not saying those few days were perfect but it was a marked improvement. I just don't have the motivation right now to do anything!

    Today also I think I might have had 2 panic attacks, over both really silly things.

    I have this big worry that my future will end up a disaster and I've actually had visions of it happening (and I have reasons for it too)- this makes me feel really sad and brings me down a lot.

    Im very confused by my mind, emotions and thoughts right now. I think I could be having mood swings.

    I wasn't planning on being this open and thought about writing another post on here a lot throughout today. But I kept on worrying about things in relation to posting it (nothing to do with this site, just me, it's hard to explain- but I am an anxious person anyways). But I'm just overwhelmed right now by everything and wanted to let it out.

    I have barley slept in the past - who knows how long. I'm just so tierd and tonight I feel like staying up all night and not sleeping (although I don't want to ) - my body is tired but my mind is still wide awake.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I just feel so emotional (even more) all of a sudden. I feel so alone, just want to cry!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Apandav :wave:

    Welcome to TheSite - so good that you have found us :yes:

    I think that when you have so many confusing things in your head, it can feel very overwhelming can't it? It's hard to know what to do think/when your emotions are building up to a pressure point.

    I wonder how you are feeling today? Im sorry that you had a not-so-great response from the organisation you got in touch with - please don't let them put you off, sometimes it can take a while to suss out the right support that works for you. It sounds like you contacted a different one that you found a bit more helpful.

    I wonder if you have spoken to your GP about how you are feeling, your low mood? It might be a good idea (if you haven't already) to let them know that CBT isn't really helping you out - different kinds of therapy work for different people - we're not the same and sometimes we need to try out a few things before you can find something you think is actually really helping you move forward, emotionally. Your GP may be able to provide you with some advice about medication that might help you with your low mood and anxiety. I know that the trial and error side of finding something that works can be very frustrating!

    There's an article on TheSite that talks about panic attacks, what they are, how to deal with them - I wonder if you were able to spot any warning signs before the attacks happened - any changes in your breathing? Some people find that by understanding the warning signs, they can best prepare/predict when an attack will happen and take steps to manage it.

    It's brilliant that you are able to write down how you are feeling - this can often feel like a release for some people. Its a good way to vent out some pent up, and confusing emotions. We have an article on anxiety - which i know you mentioned you were suffering from - which may be helpful for you. You could also try contacting Anxiety UK (if you haven't tried them already). Their new text service launches today actually, so you could drop them a text on 07537 416905 - or if you prefer you can email them for some advice about your low mood? They also run a live chat service which you might want to check out.

    I really hope some of this helps you - and if you ever need to talk - we're here for you :yes: x
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Hi Tasminjo :wave:

    Firstly, thanks for your reply!

    No I haven't told my GP about my mood. I've only had a few sessions of CBT, and still have 5 more. Think I'll see how therapy goes until the end, and hopefully things will get better. Honestly, I'd be really nervous and embarrassed to tell my GP this and not sure if I'm keen on medication for it,(I'm not on any at the moment). But I'll consider going back if I need to after therapy is over if need be. My GP only really knows about anxiety and even then I barley told them anything but opened up more to my therapist. I'm not sure what my GP knows about me, as I know that my therapist contacts my GP regularly to update my progress. But not sure what she tells the GP.

    I normally go to therapy with lots of negative emotion and come out a lot more positive. But this positive phase doesn't last well. I will tell my therapist at my next appointment this Friday about this and see if she has any suggestions.

    I will look at the panic attacks section.

    Today hasn't been so (in terms of moods) as I was working today so too busy to think. But at the same time work was so stressful for me today. I feel my moods can get quite extreme when I'm feeling low or different reasons and this worries me.

    Yeah everything is so confusing to me, especially cause I think I get mood swings. I just get really scared about telling people like my therapist things I should probably tell them (as I worry about the reaction and it's a hard topic to talk about). I hope I have the guts to be completely honest to my therapist and GP (if I go back) as I don't know if I do right now.

    Thanks :) x
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Forgot to say..... I have therapy on Friday. I'm quite nervous, I'm confused a bit by some of my therapy homework so haven't done it all. But this makes me feel bad cause I know I need to put in the effort..... It's just hard when I'm unmotivated and feeling low :(
  • Danny!Danny! mod Posts: 560 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi apandav, I know it can be really hard to be open and share things that you've never shared before. It sounds like you did that with a helpline last week, which is really brave. Even if it's embarrassing or difficult, I still think it's worth letting the people who are there to help you know what's going on with you. I think they would like it if you were able to tell them. Therapy isn't always an easy thing to do, but it is a positive and constructive one. I think that if you're feeling better for a few days before things get worse again, then that's a really great start. I imagine it doesn't feel like it when you're feeling negative again, but give yourself and the process time to make things better.

    With the therapy homework, I'd just go for it if you can, and do whatever you think you can understand. Maybe they could have explained it a little better!

    Let us know how tomorrow goes

    Danny
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Yeah I know that therapy is really down to me at the end of the day! No, it's hard to get out when I'm all negative.

    What a stressful day at work :( ugh, it makes me feel like I'm not good at my job and I feel really underappreciated! So stressed, next week is so hectic. There's just so much work I'm worrying about :(
    It's not fair, I help them out but they don't have 2 mins to help me, I wish I could say - I'm busy too you know, don't think I have the easy job and you can pass everything on to me, which is actually your job. Try my job and then you can think it's easy :( and there's all this stuff to worry about with work, great that's all I need on top of everything.

    Ugh my parents, give me space :( I feel so guilty about what I've hid from my parents but I can't tell them as they'd be annoyed. It's hard!!!

    I am sooooo tense right now!!!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Sorry I started off replying and went on my own rants!!! I'm just feeling overwhelemed at this moment
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Just wanted to update on how therapy went today.

    I told my therapist how I did really well the first few days after therapy and then I just go so unmotivated. She actually told me I should try to slow done as I've did too much / was too productive straight after therapy and that caused me to crash and then burn. So she advised me that smaller steps are better and that things take time. This explains a lot too me.

    She also said using the activity planner she gave me would help me plan more so I'm more motivated.

    We also did an exercise where I had to tell her positive things about myself..... Well I really struggled. She said she would tell me one good thing she's noticed about me everytime I say one good thing about myself. I've learned that I need to learn to like myself more and stop worrying about what others think.

    I also got advice on how to be more assertive. She says it's important to say how we feel (as I tend to not voice my feelings then they build up and I get overwhelemed). She said i am probably struggling as I'm used to being passive throughout my whole life and so it will take time.
  • SarahRSarahR Mod Posts: 213 Settling in
    Hi apandav

    That's great that your therapy session gave you some positive steps to take today :) It sounds right to pace yourself and give yourself time to put all of these things into practice. Did you find the exercise where you have to say positive things about yourself helpful? It can be really hard to make this step when you're not used to thinking these things, so well done for giving it a go.

    Keep us updated about how things are going

    SarahR
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Hi Sarah :)

    Yeah I found the positivity exercise helpful as it helped me to realise that I need to work on being more positive. I knew it would be hard but I was shocked at how much I struggled. Overall I'm not a very confident person.

    Thanks, yeah it's hard!

    Got more leaflets and booklets to read and work on before next session!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    :(:(:( why? Got myself into such a mess, really don't know what to do. Ugh I feel like an idiot!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    So confused? People keep saying different things!!!! It's hard to explain, I don't know what's right? Is it dangerous ?
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Such a pickle..... I have tonight to decide :(
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I can't deal with my emotions :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there apandav,

    What's going on today exactly? Please feel free to let it all out - writing can work real wonders. Remember we care *hug*
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Feel like an idiot right now , why am I acting so childish. Ugh this makes me angry with myself!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I've been getting easily irritated with people in my life over stupid things, I feel I want to get away from them! Then I realise how stupid my feelings get afterwards.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Life is soon hard...... Why am I the way I am :( I'm so pathetic crying over nothing. I just don't know what the point is, I don't know what to do. Tried to look at therapy homework it's making me worse, it's too overwhelming all these books and different things I'm supposed to do, how am I supposed to sit and remember all this, what is the point! Why do I bother. I just can't stand up for myself in general. It's solo hard changing who I've always been. Why am I doing this :( why am I crying over who I am, so stupid!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    What is the point?
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Can't cope with my feelings, and thoughts :( even things so stupid
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I'm not good at all, so scared, feel so alone, don't know what to do, want to cry :( I can't tell anyone! I spoke to a helpine again, and managed to come to the conclusion that I should go to the GP. But I'm just so scared to do that, I don't know if I have the guts to do it. I just feel so alone, and these mood swings ..... Ugh don't know what to do :(:(:(
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Can't handle my emotions :( things should be getting better but mood swings don't help. I only have 3 sessions of therapy left and it's hard enough coping between sessions never mind when I'm all by myself. :(:(:( ugh don't know, I really don't know. Nobody knows how bad it gets.....
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Feeling alone :( with everything! I'm scared and don't know what to do!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I can't do this..... To top it off I'm now getting very frustrated
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,329 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Apandav.

    Sending you *hug*s do you want to chat more about how your feeling? :heart:

    We are here for you.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks BananaMonkey!!

    Not been good at all, I'm really struggling with mood swings they get so bad. I'm so down, I just want to give up on the CBT stuff I have no motivation, I'm getting so emotional over everything, I can't handle my feeling, don't think I'll ever be able to change. But I'm really sad right now.

    I phoned 'breathing space '(a free helpline for people feeling down and anxious in Scotland) but they make me feel worse, the woman was like "how would you feel if you were your therapist and the patient got to the end of treatment to find out it's not being going great?" - that makes me feel bad and she wasn't very helpful just kept pushing advice in a harsh way. I needed someone who would listen better. But to be honest breathing space is linked to the Scottish NNS and its trained people from mental health backgrounds, so I'm guessing she's probably a therapist herself. Think I needed someone out with.

    So I phoned Samaritans and that was much more helpful, I felt listened to. But I'm still not great, got 2 weeks to next therapy, and I've been persuaded into telling my therapist or GP. I'm not looking forward to it and I don't know if they can help me but I have no one else. So I'll try and get an appointment before therapy or if not just tell my therapist. I feel really bad though I've had 3 sessions out of 6 so far. My workbooks are overwhelming me though :(

    I will see if I have the guts to phone, cause I really don't know what else to do!

    To top it off I have work tomorrow but I really don't want to go, I'm not at my best at all! But I just have to push through the it as I can't phone in sick. Then mum is moaning at me about doing chores like washing clothes etc., I'm getting really uptight over it, it's silly. All these small things just top off how I feel in a bad way.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I'm just so scared :(
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