Some insight into my sortof problem, please

Former Member

Hello, long time no see

I have been quite the busy beaver recently:p

Ok, here's the deal. I've been seeing this older woman for a few months now and I'm kinda not sure whether to end it or keep seeing her. I have no real reason to feel pissed off with her, so don't have a go at me (just the way I'm feeling!)

The rules of our relationship are quite simple; No commitment, (which she kindly reminded of last night!) And sex! As she's 27 and I'm 19, This should suit me! But I'm not sure if I'm happy?!

I wont go too much into the sex aspect of it because here isn't the place to do it.

Right, how things stand at the moment between me and this woman are: friends that shag, although last night on the train home she told me that she wasn't looking for commitment (I already knew this, so I was a little surprised when she told me it again)

Anyway, me being me (strange & peculiar) had doubts over her reasons for reminding me, I told her that when a girl normally mentions something like this, it's because they have something planned!!!

She tells me I'm being silly and she hasn't got anything planned. I accept this and we carry on talking. About an hour after her 'reminding' me:rolleyes: she tells me of an old lover she's going to meet...........Then it clicks, The bitch:p . She'll be fucking him soon (So I was right, whenever a girl tells you something that like that, she's up to something and just covering her back!)

I know I've got no right to feel this way, because she's been honest and upfront from the beginning but now I'm not sure if I want to carry on seeing her. She thinks she has me worked out and perhaps under the thumb! (I don't mind being used sometimes if I'm getting something good back!)

So what do you think I should do?

1) Carry on seeing her?
2) Finish with her?

I think I want a proper gf now, one whom I can trust and perhaps even love.

This has been kinda rushed and I just needed to get it off my chest. Any input or suggestions?

Former Member

You've answered your own question really. Sounds as though you like her as more than just a 'shag' then? If you want a girlf with some commitment in the set-up then I'd end this with this older lady. If she does go off and shags someone else you're not going to be happy are you?

Former Member

I think Faith's right, it does sound as if you want more than just a fuck buddy. If you're upset at the thought of her being with someone else, then you should either ask her how she feels about having a proper relationship, or (possibly the easier and more sensible option) end it.

I'm sure you've had a lot of fun but sometimes these things don't work out long term, and as you say you'd rather have a proper girlfriend. Life's too short to spend time feeling used when you could get out of it and get what you really want.

Former Member

if you have feelings for her then your only going to get hurt if its just a matter of the occasional shag,if you care about her and she doesnt care about you nothing good can come out of it,i think you should be honest with her about your feelings

Former Member

Originally posted by perfect***day
then you should either ask her how she feels about having a proper relationship, or (possibly the easier and more sensible option) end it.

There is no chance of a "proper relationship" with her, she told me that at the start! So my only options are either end it now or later. Or let her end it

I am very glad of the experience, and she taught me alot.

Regarding the "feeling" aspect, I am trying to fight them! It's an uphill struggle and I'm not sure if I'm winning.

It doesn't help matters that she works with me and everyone everyone knows about us in our company. Also my Parents are soooo understanding about it and don't mind that she stays over two or 3 nights a week!

I am undecided still..... I'm going to go out and have a curry and get pissed tonight and hopefully my life will all be sorted out in the morning:eek2:

Former Member

Originally posted by Harmless
Or let her end it

Don't do that. No, really. It's messy and it's also not very nice - the coward's way out.

Former Member

Originally posted by perfect***day
Don't do that. No, really. It's messy and it's also not very nice - the coward's way out.

How so? Not very nice on whom?

Former Member

Originally posted by Harmless
How so? Not very nice on whom?

On her. So many blokes want to end their relationships but won't do it themselves, so they just withdraw a little - start being offhand, don't call... generally make themselves unpleasant so the girl will dump them.

I'm not saying that's exactly what you meant, but in case it was, don't do it!

Former Member

ummm

keep an eye out for a proper girl and have this milf satisfy your needs while looking?

but then again those basturds feelings won't stay quiet will they.
like kids in the back of the car

do you like her yet, do you like her yet, do you like her yet, do you like her yet... and so and so on

take a lot of pit stops and don't get to the holiday resort

hopefully you will crash and get a better car to keep on insurance!

Former Member

Originally posted by perfect***day
On her. So many blokes want to end their relationships but won't do it themselves, so they just withdraw a little - start being offhand, don't call... generally make themselves unpleasant so the girl will dump them.

I'm not saying that's exactly what you meant, but in case it was, don't do it!

No, I meant I'll act the way I do now, and hope she'll end it. (if I chose that path)

Lol @ Molo

keep an eye out for a proper girl and have this milf satisfy your needs while looking?

Could do, There was this other girl I've sort of been talking to (who's my age) But she has a bf already.*I don't fancy doing the cheating thing again!!* Although she keeps telling me she use to fancy me in school and we are flirting when we talk to each other! I'm meant to be going for a drink with her soon, So who knows!

But if I keep things as they are with older bird, I'm in risk of them fucking kids hijacking me and taken the car for a joyride (crashing and burring big time with me in it!!)

But on the other hand, lifes full of risk, you've just got to play along with it!.............. :crazyeyes

Former Member

Ooh i suddenly feel all faint hehe

Um without being accused of bitterness or jealousyness (it aint a word so i dont care its been spelt wrong!) the whole thing does seem kinda fucked up. You are being used, in a bad way. You can tell yourself its just sex and all that shit but it still aint nice!

There are 8502095742 girls out there that'll give you sex without using you. Find one and stick to that!

God your a complicated little man aintcha

Edited to say: Think with your brain and not your dick...hard for you to do i know!

Former Member

Well it seems that you basically do want to end it, but either youre getting more attached than you wanted or you dont like the thought of sloppy seconds. Only you can decide really- theres no point in ending it if she isnt doing anyone else, but if she is then any man would be jealous. But if shes getting a bf its unlikely that the shagging will go on and, lets face it, if it does shes not the sort of person youd wanna be shagging anyway. Triangles are messy.

Take your experiences to woo another girl, and go teach her a thing or two she didnt know existed

Edited to correct spazzy typing

Former Member

My advice is to end it now

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit
Well it seems that you basically do want to end it, but either youre getting more attached than you wanted or you dont like the thought of sloppy seconds. Only you can decide really- theres no point in ending it if she isnt doing anyone else, but if she is then any man would be jealous. But if shes getting a bf its unlikely that the shagging will go on and, lets face it, if it does shes not the sort of person youd wanna be shagging anyway. Triangles are messy.

Take your experiences to woo another girl, and go teach her a thing or two she didnt know existed

Thanks, good advice!

This other bloke she might be "doing" is 22 or 23 (she likes em young it would seem!:p ) So I doubt she'll have him as her bf. But your right, I don't fancy sloppy second much.

I know I should end it but. ... but... I'm a coward.

*Talking to me is like talking to a brick wall:banghead: *

I'll give it a week or 2 and see how it all stands then, I'm hoping (dreaming, more like!!) I'll meet a nice girl and be able to end it with this bint!

LacyMay, I know I'm being used, but sometimes its bad and sometimes its good. Just depends what light you look at it.

Former Member

It sounds to me like she has realised that you are becoming too emotionally involved and so she's just trying to remind you of the original arrangement which was just meant to be a casual and open relationship.

Open relationships are great if both people are fine with it but it seems that you are not and would prefer it if it were an exclusive relationship! In this case you have shown her that you can't cope with her maintaining some distance and separateness.

My advice...end it now, explain to her that you are begining to expect more and are not happy to carry on as before. Then she can let you know if she is feeling the sam (Sounds like she's not)

Then perhaps find someone who does want to commit themselves to you fully.

Former Member

.

Former Member

Originally posted by Harmless
Thanks, good advice!

This other bloke she might be "doing" is 22 or 23 (she likes em young it would seem!:p )

Seems to me that she only likes younger guys because she can control them. And however fit she is, she has no excuse really. Unless she is Jennifer Lopez, and then she does.

Former Member

actually goin back on my words

tell them kids in the back to shut the fuck up and get out the car, and burn it!

tell her to fuck off and have wanks instead.


NOW

Former Member

Originally posted by the doc horatio
Seems to me that she only likes younger guys because she can control them. And however fit she is, she has no excuse really. Unless she is Jennifer Lopez, and then she does.

Yeah, I kinda figured out she likes the idea of control & power soon after we'd gone to bed together, I didn't mind for obvious reasons. But for the last two days I've not really spoken to her so things would seem to be coming to an end. (It's kinda good and bad I guess) I guess she got/getting bored with me, What a pity:p :rolleyes:

She'll still no doubt use me for a place to stay when she drunk or when she fancies a shag. I might surprise her and say NO!

Edit: becuase I can't spell!!

Former Member

sounds like your all ready in love with her.

for your own sake you've got to end it. but be fair tell her to her face. it is for the best, it may hurt but believe me if you see or find her with someone else it will be 1000 times worse.

find someone who will respect and love you .

Former Member

I'm gonna say end it mate. Mainly because it sounds like you are beginning to like her more than casually and she's starting to play you. I don't know you that well but I don't think you're the sort of guy to stand for that. I'm sure you've learnt a hell of a lot from her and for that reason she has a special place in your heart but take that gained experience and put it to good use in a relationship with a girl who's going to appreciate you. Then again, that is easier to say than to do! It will be a lot easier to end it if you can line someone else up first...otherwise you'll probably just keep thinking about her until you crack, ring her up, and scream "Shag me now! All is forgiven!" Amen.

Former Member

Haha, i like the sound of this woman she's taking gender swapping to a whole new level, men do this to girls all the time, now see how you like it

edited to say [/Bitterness]

Former Member

Originally posted by jellygirl
Haha, i like the sound of this woman she's taking gender swapping to a whole new level, men do this to girls all the time, now see how you like it

edited to say [/Bitterness]

Thank you for that amazing insight into this problem. Please feel free to go away, gain some intelligence, and then come back.

And on a more personal note, just as many women are cruel in relationships as men are. But men dont WHINGE about it for DAYS ON END and just GET ON WITH IT.

Former Member

Harmless, it seems quite obvious. Even though it's supposed to be no strings, and no emotional involvment fuck buddies, you've started to fall for her, and are getting upset that she only wants sex from you. Although I've got no experience of having a fuck buddy, from what I've read one of you always wants more than just sex. This time it is you who wants more.
Sounds like you've either got to get that mental detachment attitude to it, or end it for the sake of your own sanity.
Sounded like you had a lot of fun, which you recognise in saying that at least you have something to take to another relationship. And you can't be all that attached as you've already mentioned having eyes for another girl anyway.

Candy, just a small point, but you say you don't love your boyfriend. Aren't you just using him too, while being used by the IT guy?

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit

Thank you for that amazing insight into this problem. Please feel free to go away, gain some intelligence, and then come back.

Please feel free to go away and get a sense of humour :rolleyes:

Former Member

*Update*

She phoned me last night about half 10 at night, she was pissed at Victory Station (and I am currently ill and finding it hard to talk and she wanted a little 'chat'!)

She told me that she thinks it best if we finish it (I was already acting like it was finished anyway!) She went on about how nice I am and how I need to harden up

Then the stupid cow told me to never change! :eek2: lol

I saw this coming a few days after I originally made this thread so it's not come as a shock. The thing is, The bitch basically told me she'd still shag me when she horny or whatever (If I like) and she'll carry on teaching me -so, Translation, when she needs a place to stay or sex. She might come and see me!

So if her mind, I bet she thinking she'll get the best of both worlds. As I said before, I didn't mind being used as long as I was getting something back. Now It's only when she wants it so I'm going to end it all and just be mates. I don't need her sex!

Thanks for all your advice guys.