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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wonder if you thought that you were appealing to men on a physical level your view would change slightly?

    yeah i think it might do. if a man wanted to get to know me properly and in a relationship, then i would hope he loves me. but i cant be sure about that. if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, then he would be either tapped in the head, or really in love (or both).

    i dont want to be used - some blokes think that my low self esteem would make me want to shag lots to get an ego boost of sorts. i am in a relationship at the moment, and i thought that sex was a total non-issue, but he brought it up and apparently expects that i'll be 'ready' in a month or two. i dont love him, he said he loves me but then said he didnt, its just the best way of describing how he feels. so he aint getting any :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do know someone who wants to wait until she is married, or at least engaged before she has sex. Fair play to her, and to you. Are you flexible like that, or very rigid in your belief?

    I personally wouldn't want to wait, haven't waited and wouldn't want to marry a virgin (sorry!). Sex, like so many things, takes practice, and some people are just better at it, or more compatible with you. I know part of the argument is for the two of you to learn together, and i do think that would create an extra bond between you, but it's not the way i'd do it.

    And no, i wasn't planning on wearing white at my wedding. I think that as it is traditionally reserved for those who are virgins, who am i to take it away from them? It's their perrogative.



    Plus white makes me look really washed out :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sa-ra-ra-ra
    Are you flexible like that, or very rigid in your belief?
    I was rigid in this, but I've started looking at it, and seriously questioning if it's worth it? Questions like "is there really any point in believing in that if I'm the only one who does?" keep running through my head.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you're not the only one :huggles:

    i was very rigid too - i just wont know until i'm in a relationship where it sex is a serious consideration (by both of us, not just him).

    there are plenty of other people that feel the same way, and plenty that dont. stick to your beliefs. do you have a church youth leader type that you could talk to? i'm planning to have a chat with mine about the relationship i'm in. they will help clarify your beliefs, and if they're any good at their job they wont push any decision onto you. obviously they will emphasize the importance of waiting, but shouldn't chastize you for questioning your beliefs.

    if you want to talk, pm me :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's an organisation called "True Love Waits" for teenagers who wish to wait until they are married to have sex. It's America based but it's recently started having followers in the UK too. I think there's a website. You'll have to do a search on Google :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you meet the right person when you're young and you feel you are ready to have sex then go for it. The idea of waiting until you get married just seems silly to me.
    I know this may seem very shallow and superficial but what if you wait to have sex and your new husband/wife is a complete let down in bed? For most people sex is a big part of their relationship and like to enjoy it. I personally wouldn't be happy with someone who i was completely sexually incompatable with.

    And skateside, whould you not have any kind of sexual contact with your partner before you got married, (e.g oral sex) or would you be happy to do pretty much anything but penetrative sex?

    And the idea of not being able to wear white on your wedding day just because you're not a virgin is ludacris to me. It's a personal choice that is down to the bride. If anybody told me that i didn't deserve to wear white on my wedding day because i was no longer a virgin would get the biggest slap for being so closed minded and judgemental.

    I'm sorry if my opinions have offended anyone. If you want to wait until you're married then that is a decision which is completely up to you. Fair play to you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by One of the Nobodies
    If you meet the right person when you're young and you feel you are ready to have sex then go for it. The idea of waiting until you get married just seems silly to me.
    I know this may seem very shallow and superficial but what if you wait to have sex and your new husband/wife is a complete let down in bed? For most people sex is a big part of their relationship and like to enjoy it. I personally wouldn't be happy with someone who i was completely sexually incompatable with.

    And skateside, whould you not have any kind of sexual contact with your partner before you got married, (e.g oral sex) or would you be happy to do pretty much anything but penetrative sex?

    And the idea of not being able to wear white on your wedding day just because you're not a virgin is ludacris to me. It's a personal choice that is down to the bride. If anybody told me that i didn't deserve to wear white on my wedding day because i was no longer a virgin would get the biggest slap for being so closed minded and judgemental.

    I'm sorry if my opinions have offended anyone. If you want to wait until you're married then that is a decision which is completely up to you. Fair play to you.


    This has already been explained. White is reserved for the brides who are virgins, PURE, INNOCENT, until they are married. White signifies PURITY and INNOCENCE. If you are not a virgin you can wear ivory, which is fairly close to white. In my opinion, if you wear white and you are not a virgin, you are lying to yourself and to people present at your wedding. White at weddings has always symbolised the purity, the holiness and innocence of the bride.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    If you are not a virgin you can wear ivory, which is fairly close to white. In my opinion, if you wear white and you are not a virgin, you are lying to yourself and to people present at your wedding. White at weddings has always symbolised the purity, the holiness and innocence of the bride.
    I suppose it used to represent all that, but now a white dress is just a tradition for a bride to wear one. It doesn't symbolize anything like that anymore.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    This has already been explained. White is reserved for the brides who are virgins, PURE, INNOCENT, until they are married. White signifies PURITY and INNOCENCE. If you are not a virgin you can wear ivory, which is fairly close to white. In my opinion, if you wear white and you are not a virgin, you are lying to yourself and to people present at your wedding. White at weddings has always symbolised the purity, the holiness and innocence of the bride.


    OMFG seriously, what if you don't want to wear fucking ivory? I think some people are still living in the past, or maybe it's just being on the other side of the world. Saying that wearing white and not being a virgin is lying to yourself and your guests is ludicrious!
    Somethings i just don't understand and this is definately one of them! I don't plan to get married, but if i do i'd consider wearing white, i'd not wear anything called Ivory. For me, it would be whatever I feel comfortable in, not what some closed minded people thought


    fuck something make me angry! grr...! :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This could turn into a rather scary thread.... :nervous:

    I actually really respect you Skateside, and also snfu, for your views. It must take a lot of strength of character to make a decision like that, and stick to it.

    As for the wearing white thing - I actually agree with you. I don't think, Skateside, that it would be unfair to ask that of your future wife - obviously if she is going to marry you, she would see how important the virginity thing is to you, and respect your wishes. From your posts, you don't seem the sort of person who would force her not to wear white, but rather just request it, as it obviously means a lot to you. If she loves you enough to marry you, she should love you enough to at least compromise on something that is so important to you.

    I do find the question brought up by One of the Nobodies interesting though - would either of you consider oral sex, or other sexual contact? Especially you snfu, as your reasons for your beliefs seem to be centred more around being in a commited relationship because of the risk of pregnancy. How far would you go without feeling like you'd betrayed your beliefs?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Lil Laura

    I do find the question brought up by One of the Nobodies interesting though - would either of you consider oral sex, or other sexual contact? Especially you snfu, as your reasons for your beliefs seem to be centred more around being in a commited relationship because of the risk of pregnancy. How far would you go without feeling like you'd betrayed your beliefs?

    mine aint totally pregnancy, my religion plays a fairly large part - but experiences in the last couple of years with some of my friends getting pregnant and making different choices has made me really really aware of the fact that i do NOT want to have kids at my age.

    i have done pretty much all the basic non-intercourse stuff with my bf - oral/fingers/69 etc. but proper penetration is not an option, at least not at the moment. when/if i get married, then there's plenty more new fun things for us to try out together as a married couple :).

    just as bf/gf there's still loads of things we can do, just requires a bit of imagination ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sfnu - that's weird, that's more or less my beliefs :nervous:

    I'm happy to have sexual contact. I feel that it's important for a relationship, because as a couple of people have said, physicallities can be important to relationships. It also means that we'd have an idea about each others bodies so we won't be completely inexperienced - we'd know what the other one likes, how long it takes etc...
    It's almost a taster before hand. "I'll give you similar thrills, but if you want the rest, you've got to commit."

    Lil Laura, you're right, I wouldn't refuse to get married if she wanted to wear white and she couldn't, but I wouldn't make it known that it would upset me. HunnyPot said it, to me, it's just lying about yourself, and being hypocritical.

    Thanks to all who've responded so far, it's really brightened me up to know that, even if I'm alone, some people do respect me for it. Really brought a smile to my face :blush:
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