Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

What do you talk about?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've never been great for meeting people, I've always managed in the end but I've never been one of those people who can talk to anybody within seconds.

Although it may be a case of god given talent for these people I'm sure there are certain things everybody can do to improve how they converse with strangers, I was wondering if anybody here had any tips?

What do you talk about? Do you focus on specifics or keep stuff very general? How do you liked to be talked to by new people? Do you enjoy people talking about you a lot? (I'm sure one of the best ways is just to ask 20 questions and let the other person talk :))

Any helpful thoughts welcomed :D

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im not good with talking to strangers cuz my natural blondeness comes out too much then but when i talk to poeple i know, its pretty easy. Since im a bit obsessed with bags and shoes, i usually compliment the person first, THEN if they have manners, they usually say a compliment back. I dont know how this happens but when im next to an attractive guy, something hilarious or weird happens. Ex: I was in the elevator with an extremly attractive guy and these two ladies come in and they are in front of me and the guy. All of a sudden i smell the most horendous thing ever!! I was seriously gonna hurl IN THE ELEVATOR. i look forward and from the corner of my eye i could see the guy looking at me. so i looked at him, we were both like making faces like we were dying. It was soo funny. then when they left, we like ran out of the elelvator and got into another one. After we kinda made a few cracks about the incident in the elevator, i introduced myself, we went out for coffee a couple of times and still talk about the elevator thing. lol he later told me that it was really easy to talk to me cuz i was smiling when he saw me. I think that having a sense of humor is VITAL in meeting people. cuz otherwise, those horrid aqward moments happen often. Othertimes, if i pass an attractive guy on the street, i smile and say "hey." but i only say hi to the ones that actually LOOK at me and smile. the moral of my long blabbing on is COMPLIMENTS ALWAYS WORK, be yourself, and have a sense of humor. (not a sense of humor like laughing at EVERYTHING they say but hopefully u get the point) good luck!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone comes up to me then they're pretty brave or pretty stupid, or thats what i usually find as i have a pretty unapproachable attitude half the time. If i'm chatting to them then i take the mickey a bit to start with. If they join in and have a laugh then i know we'll get on. If they don't and get really serious or pissed off then i know the humour's going to clash.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wud just talk about what pops into my head at that moment, i dont have a set routine of what to talk to a girl about.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tend to not actually talk to people unless I have met them before!! I can't talk to people I've never met unless I feel like I really have to. There is nothing that I can do to change it, there are occasions where I can talk to people but generally that's if they start the conversation up. I can't just walk up to someone and say 'Hi, my name's Franki who are you?' like a lot of my mates can. Just can't be done!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *x*socksgirl*x*
    I tend to not actually talk to people unless I have met them before!!
    So how did ya first talk to em? :lol: only playing ;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey AntiPop, I know where you're coming from here because I used to be awful at meeting new people too. And I agree that for some people it's just a natural talent (my father can go just to fetch a newspaper from the corner shop and spend 30 minutes talking to some complete random :rolleyes: ) But it is possible to learn this skill, or at least get better. Might take some time, but here are a few ideas:

    - If you are out with some friends and they have brought some people along whom you don't know but forgotten to introduce you (used to happen to me a lot!) then smile and say "I don't think we've met before" or "I'm sorry but I don't think we've been introduced", offer your name and then go from there. The times I just sat there being quiet/shy and feeling awkward. Don't. It's easier than you'd think and a lot more fun if you just get chatting - they are more than likely thinking the same!

    - As for what to talk about then I would have to say almost anything non-heavy will do. No, seriously! I met a girl this past weekend for the first time who was a friend of a friend. We were introduced (hurrah!) and I asked her how the journey was from her location to ours. After she answered me there was the start of that kind of pause where you know that you are both trying really hard to think of stuff to say next. So I just went a bit random and said, "Can I ask you a quick question?" She said "Sure." and so I asked "Do you like the colour green?" After looking at me strangely for a couple of seconds she started laughing and said "No, it's pretty bad isn't it?" That led to fashion (and how green is not cool), bad wallpaper and other opportunities for humourous comments. Bit random I know, but it broke the ice and over the rest of the weekend we became good mates.

    - One final thing to think about if all else fails. People who do marketing jobs use this technique and whilst it might not lead to the most stimulating conversation you've ever had, it should help you keep one going with a stranger whilst you learn and improve. Basically, look for a KEYWORD(S) in every response and use that as your next statement. For example, I might say "Nice weather today, eh?" and they respond "Yeah, but not as good as when I'm BACK HOME." Key words are BACK HOME. Respond with, "Where's back home then?" and they might say "Brighton, ALWAYS hot there." You could then say something light-hearted like "Always? I don't believe that for one minute! You saying you get no bad weather at all?!"

    Ok, I'm crap at giving examples but I hope you get the gist.

    Going to shut up now, I'm only a lowly newbie and I've posted far too much already. Hope it helps you AntiPop.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nice pointers all, ty. No doubt I'll have my own chat show in 6 months with all this info :p:)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by VinylVicky
    So how did ya first talk to em? :lol: only playing ;)

    I don't talk to them the first time I meet them but then I meet them again and I can't shut up. Tis quite strange!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *x*socksgirl*x*
    I don't talk to them the first time I meet them but then I meet them again and I can't shut up. Tis quite strange!

    thats not 100% true... you still have trouble talking to me on times
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Samael
    thats not 100% true... you still have trouble talking to me on times

    That's different, I can talk to people about crap whenever I want to, but when I talk about important things I go all shy and hold things back, I am not a very talkative or open person in that respect.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Smiling seems to be very important but what if you got bad teeth (like me :( )
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just talk about anything! as i've just said in another thread...i used to be very shy and was always too nervous to talkto anyone...now if i see someone, i just talk to them! who cares if you mess up or whatever, at least they'll get the natural you! :) xXx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by urbantrained
    Smiling seems to be very important but what if you got bad teeth (like me :( )

    Surely your teeth aren't that bad!? And it is possible to smile and talk without showing your teeth too much. I think.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've also got the ability to talk to anyone, lol.

    and AntiPop, - are u Primus fan? or it is just a coincidence?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im sure that the inability to hold down a conversation with someone new or to even approach them in the first place stems from a lack of self confidence or slight insecurity.
    That is why when people are drunk they find it easier to socialise because there inhibitions are removed which gives greater self confidence.
Sign In or Register to comment.