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Avoiding the friendzone

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, the "friend zone" is not something you should be hurt or upset by. It happens. Sometimes things reach a point where you like each other but you don't want to have sex with them. You need to see it as a positive. I've had it where someone hasn't wanted to have sex with me after a bit of fooling around and now they're a good friend, and I've had it where another friend's really wanted to have sex with me but I've just not been into them like that. Sex is not an entitlement.

    How does it feel being around someone you want to have sex with, who knows you want to have sex with her, but whom doesn't want to have sex with you? How do you deal with the sexual frustration and be friends? Likewise with whoever it was who you friendzoned.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you think a fuck buddy is, if not a buddy you fuck?
    Not all words, expressions etc have literal meanings. You know that Adult FriendFinder is not for finding friends. A fuck buddy is someone with whom you have regular sex only. Friendship plus sex is called friends with benefits.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I often buy drinks for my mates- male and female- and they have bought drinks for me. I don't think any of us want to fuck.

    Many groups of friends take turns in buying rounds of drinks. You each end up paying about the same amount - no-one's taking from anyone overall. You wouldn't tolerate habitually buying drinks for one of them if (s)he didn't return the favour. Compare this to wining and dining, where the man usually habitually pays for everything and it costs a fortune. Try asking your date to pay half/her share and see her furious response.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends how you go about asking her. I was once asked because he turned up and had no money. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had said before turning up "I'm sorry. But I don't have much money. Do you mind paying please?" Instead, he expected me to pay.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Last thing I'm saying on this subject: I split my share equally and pay my own way, thanks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Purple_roo wrote: »
    Last thing I'm saying on this subject: I split my share equally and pay my own way, thanks.

    The vast majority of women expect the man to pay the bill. If he doesn't, he has no chance of getting sex with her and she won't date him any more. It's rare for a woman to ask a man out on a date; the person asking for the date (the man in the vast majority of cases) is obliged to pay. If he doesn't, he's declared by her as being "a cheapskate" and told that "a gentleman always pays" and that if he doesn't pay it shows he doesn't care about her. Likewise, in bars, a man approaches a woman he doesn't know and buys her a drink; a woman doesn't approach a man she doesn't know and buys him a drink. Imagine that - a woman approaching a stranger, chatting him up, then buying him drinks all evening in order to get him drunk and get him into her bed!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You know, you could do the sensible thing and accept that we're telling you the truth. What you're doing here is like asking for directions in a foreign town and telling everyone you ask that they're wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The night I met my fiancee we ended up doing rounds.

    There goes another one of your theories.

    Still, if you're adamant you're right and we're wrong, you carry on doing what youre doing. It seems to be working so well for you and so badly for us.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The night I met my fiancee we ended up doing rounds.

    Had you spent a lot of money on her earlier that day? Did you have sex with her on that first night? Unless your answer is no to the first question and yes to the second, then your retort means nothing.

    If you tell me how to go out tonight with an empty wallet and have my penis in a vagina minutes later - that will be useful, constructive and welcomed. Sarcastic boasting isn't.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With the guy I'm dating.....

    Meal one: split 50/50
    Drinks one: I bought
    Meal two: split 60/40 because I had driven to meet him.

    Etc etc

    Your 'majority of women think this and want this...' Is just bullshit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's neither sarcastic nor boasting. We split drinks 50/50 on the first date, and again on the second. She came home with me on the second date, and that was that. And as an aside, not coming home on the first date is the norm.

    I don't pretend to be God's gift to women, but that is my point: treat people with respect and they'll treat you with respect.

    We're not trying to run your face in it and we're not lying to you. The truth is what you are looking for doesn't exist, there are no rules.

    You can choose to believe us, or you can choose to argue with us and try and prove that we're wrong. But we have functional sexual relationships and you don't: perhaps you ought to stop and listen to us.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a woman and don't like the idea of a man paying for everything. Every once in a while it's nice. But it's wrong, at least for me, to just expect it.

    I dated someone and I asked on the first date who was paying. I'd brought my card just in case he wanted me to pay for my share or whatever.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With the guy I'm dating.....

    Meal one: split 50/50
    Drinks one: I bought
    Meal two: split 60/40 because I had driven to meet him.

    Etc etc

    Your 'majority of women think this and want this...' Is just bullshit.

    Many surveys and studies show that, especially in the early dates of a relationship, the man is usually expected to, and does, pay the whole bill. I used to know someone who worked in an expensive restaurant. He said that most of the diners were couples and that for vast majority of those, the man paid the whole bill. He said that splitting the bill was typical when friends dined together, but rare for couples.

    As you're still omitting to state whether or not you're having sex, it's not of much relevance. You'd stated that you and him are seeing each other casually (without stating whether or not that means you're having casual sex). However, having meals together on dates is quite formal.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I dated someone and I asked on the first date who was paying. I'd brought my card just in case he wanted me to pay for my share or whatever.

    To say 'just in case' means that you thought it unlikely you'd need to pay anything because you were a woman on a date. It's also clear from what you wrote that he did pay the whole bill. If you'd had a meal with a friend, you'd have (been) expected to pay half/your share.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    If you'd had a meal with a friend, you'd have (been) expected to pay half/your share.

    Not necessarily, I've paid for friends meals countless times, I don't expect anything back. Whenever I've been on dates I've always offered to pay, or to pay half
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We split drinks 50/50 on the first date, and again on the second. She came home with me on the second date, and that was that.

    Assuming that when she came home with you after the second date, she had sex with you that night, can you recommend good topics of conversation during dates to get girls in the mood for sex and how to transition the conversation from those topics to sex? Where do you find girls who are willing to have sex after just drinks, for which she pays half? Dinners (for which I pay the whole bill), expensive presents etc. have been repeatedly demanded of me - and even then I received not even a peck on the cheek.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    Whenever I've been on dates I've always offered to pay, or to pay half

    On a lesbian date, there isn't the option of the man pays the whole bill, but that's what happens on most heterosexual dates.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »

    On a lesbian date, there isn't the option of the man pays the whole bill, but that's what happens on most heterosexual dates.


    I've been on dates with guys.. I know how heterosexual dates work, the majority of the time it isn't how you claim it to be, maybe it used to be in the past, but the majority of women don't expect the man to pay for it all anymore.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »

    Not necessarily, I've paid for friends meals countless times, I don't expect anything back. Whenever I've been on dates I've always offered to pay, or to pay half

    Yeah, I've paid for friends meals. And I've had friends for drinks for me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never met a girl who's willing to pay half/her share on a date. When I've politely suggested it, I've been told: "you invited me on this date, so it's your duty to pay". Obviously, being male, I'm never going to be asked out and have to do all the asking out - or die a virgin.

    Where might I find girls who are willing to pay their way on dates as well as have sex readily?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Untrue. I've asked males out. Unfortunately, nothing happened. But yes, females do ask males out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Untrue. I've asked males out. Unfortunately, nothing happened. But yes, females do ask males out.

    Do you mean that each of them refused to go on a date with you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I've never met a girl who's willing to pay half/her share on a date. When I've politely suggested it, I've been told: "you invited me on this date, so it's your duty to pay". Obviously, being male, I'm never going to be asked out and have to do all the asking out - or die a virgin.

    This is so warped I don't even know what to say. You're either not being truthful or you're just not going out with decent women (they're not exactly hard to find).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »

    Do you mean that each of them refused to go on a date with you?

    Yes
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have a look at autismuk.org.uk

    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope that helps

    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Petrichor wrote: »
    This is so warped I don't even know what to say. You're either not being truthful or you're just not going out with decent women (they're not exactly hard to find).

    I'm telling the truth; no girl has ever offered to pay half/her share on a date with me. When I've suggested it, I've received an angry refusal. Please tell me where to find girls who are willing to pay their way on dates - and who put out. When should I ask her to pay half/her share? If I ask before the date, it's extremely unlikely that she'll go on a date with me. If I ask her during the date, she likely won't be carrying any/enough cash or cards.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »

    I'm telling the truth; no girl has ever offered to pay half/her share on a date with me. When I've suggested it, I've received an angry refusal. Please tell me where to find girls who are willing to pay their way on dates - and who put out. When should I ask her to pay half/her share? If I ask before the date, it's extremely unlikely that she'll go on a date with me. If I ask her during the date, she likely won't be carrying any/enough cash or cards.

    You don't find girls who are willing to pay in certain places. There aren't polite girls in Manchester and rude ones in Leeds. You just need to work out who's going to be kind enough to offer and who isn't. Again, not something we can tell you exactly how to do because you need to do it on the fly. It's also not about when you ask her to pay her share. It's more a thing of going "so, how are we going to pay?" then they might offer to pay their share or insist on paying the whole bill. Or you could bring it up before; it really does depend. You keep asking for specifics that nobody can give you.

    This is what basic social skills will give you - the ability to assess situations while you're in them apply those skills to decide what the best thing is to do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Petrichor wrote: »

    You don't find girls who are willing to pay in certain places. There aren't polite girls in Manchester and rude ones in Leeds. You just need to work out who's going to be kind enough to offer and who isn't. Again, not something we can tell you exactly how to do because you need to do it on the fly. It's also not about when you ask her to pay her share. It's more a thing of going "so, how are we going to pay?" then they might offer to pay their share or insist on paying the whole bill. Or you could bring it up before; it really does depend. You keep asking for specifics that nobody can give you.

    This is what basic social skills will give you - the ability to assess situations while you're in them apply those skills to decide what the best thing is to do.

    I've tried asking "how are we going to pay". Her reply was "we're not going to pay, you're going to - because you asked for the date". When I asked another girl beforehand, she said "you'll be paying the bill, otherwise I won't ever date you". I've never encountered a girl who offers to pay half/her share on a date. I've no idea how to assess them beforehand for their willingness to pay their way other than by asking - and you know what they said in response to that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well those girls seem pretty rude. The social skills you are in need of will help you with judging someone's character like this.
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