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Progressing from texting to phone conversations
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
Several weeks ago, one of the hundreds of girls I've sent messages to on dating websites replied to me. For this to happen to me is rare. We sent messages to each other through the website for a week and a half, before moving to text messaging, at my request. Since then, we've sent many text messages to each other. On several occasions, I've suggested that we speak on the phone. Every time I do that, she stops replying to my texts and it takes a couple of days before she'll text me again (otherwise she typically texts me every day). I know very little about her because her profile is short, as are all of her messages through the site and all of her texts. She doesn't reply to some of the questions I've asked her. I've told her that she can say whatever she likes to me. She's told me that she wants to have sex with me, but I can't see how that can happen when she won't even talk to me on the phone. If she doesn't want me, why does she text me most days? If she does want me, why won't she talk to me on the phone and why are all her texts so short? Does she only want to text and never do any more with me? I've asked her, but that's one of the questions that she doesn't answer. It seems bizarre that someone might go on a dating website to merely find a text buddy; I can't see how anyone could be satisfied by texting alone.
How might I move this situation forward? What do you think is her view of me and what do you think she wants from me? I can't work that out.
How might I move this situation forward? What do you think is her view of me and what do you think she wants from me? I can't work that out.
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What sort of things does she say in her texts to you?
It's not easy to tell you what she wants from you, maybe that's a question that you could ask her she may or may not answer that through.
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If she wants to know more about me, why doesn't she ask me whatever she wants to know? I've invited her to do so. I don't know what's holding her back.
I've asked her what she wants from me: texting only, talking on the phone, meeting me etc. - she never answers those questions.
I don't know if there's something more that I should be saying in the texts that I've not said - and if so, what. I don't know how much she likes me. I don't know if she's merely keeping me as a back-up whilst she looks for someone she likes more.
I see phone calls as the logical way for us to get to know each other better.
This is the furthest I've got with a girl from a dating website. When I've heard people talk about their experiences of dating websites, none of them have said that they were stuck at the texting-only stage for several weeks.
Try and bare in mind that she has her own life and may not have her phone to hand constantly, it's bound to take people time to reply to messages. She could be at work for all you know. I get that it can be frustrating, but it's worth remembering she's living her own life as well and some days people just don't feel like talking and that's okay
This is true. I dated someone who couldn't seem to understand this and wasn't happy because I'd take my time over replying to him. (because I'm not glued to my phone 24/7)
Because I can't have her visit me here. Therefore I need to know what her situation is to see if I can visit her, stay the night etc. From occasional messages she's sent to me and on social media, it's clear that doesn't get on with whoever else lives in the same house/flat as her. However, I don't know if that's something mild like a housemate who hogs the bathroom a bit - or something severe like a violent alcoholic stepfather. She never mentions her family.
Maybe be up front with her a bit more, she may be reluctant to actually get to know you and is being seemingly polite till you leave her alone? Just a possibility.
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I've asked her direct questions; but I don't receive replies.
Do you mean that she doesn't want me at all, yet is only sometimes replying out of politeness? I think that if she didn't want me at all, she'd not send me any text messages. In addition, I don't think she'd tell me that she prefers cunnilingus if she weren't sexually interested in me.
Her dating profile, her social media sites and all the messages she's sent are short (usually not full sentences), so it's consistent. I seems that she doesn't say much at a time to anyone.
Because these questions are prying. It may not seem so to you, for you these are just facts. Some people do not want to give up too much personal information too soon. When she does not answer your questions it is not because she forgot, she conscientiously ignores them (it's easier to say "none of your business".) There are only so much pushiness someone endures before they lose interest. As a matter of fact, by the sounds of it I don't think this is going to progress into more.
What is your obsession with somebody being sexual interested in you? You may not find somebody who just wants sex, do you think you could try a relationship. Just a general relationship?
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To me these do seem like ordinary, relevant facts. Most of what I say and write involves (attempts at) exchanging information. I can't do casual chat. She has clearly stated a few times that she wants to have sex with me and she has told me that she likes my sex-focused profile. Hence I find it her reluctance to share basic information about her life to be inconsistent.
I'm hypersexual; it's the opposite of asexual. Absence of sex causes a massive void in my life. Seeking sex is the sole reason for me being on dating websites. The girl I'm texting has said that she wants to have sex with me. She has also stated what type of sexual activities she enjoys. Occasionally, she initiates sexual conversations with me.
On most occasions that someone talks about a having a relationship or being in one, it means a sexual relationship. For example, if someone says they their, or someone else's, status is 'in a relationship', that means they are in a sexual relationship. I don't know if you mean I should try for a sexual relationship that isn't only about sex, or if you mean that I should try for a platonic relationship. The former seems over-complicated for my liking and the latter I'm not interested in.
I've asked her things gradually; I didn't start with many questions straight away. It's been several weeks; I wasn't expecting her to tell me her life story straight away. I thought that the usual was for each person to ask about the other in order to know each other better and see if they're compatible. I thought that phone conversations would be the best way to know each other better before meeting in person.
okay.
It does seem like after weeks of talking, she is still trying to keep information about herself quite private, which is making it hard for you to get to know her - so it would be understandably frustrating for you. Instead of ignoring your questions, if she would tell you why she refuses to reply to them (its too personal, she cant talk about it etc) then perhaps it would help the situation. But at the moment it seems like you're doing all the effort of the whole "getting to know her" bit when she doesn't really ask about you, which doesn't seem very fair. Also you wanting to speak to her on the phone is a nice gesture, that isn't really appreciated it seems. Maybe she likes that you compliment her, yet doesn't want to go any further.
Whatever is the reason she is keeping to herself, unfortunately at the moment it doesn't seem like she'll tell you why :no:
Perhaps taking a break from chatting with her could help? Could there be other women on the dating website worth contacting that you could be interested in?
I've asked her nicely why she won't answer some of my questions. She doesn't reply to that either, despite the fact that I've assured her that she can trust me and that I won't judge her.
It's true that I'm doing nearly all the work, as I'm asking about her and often not being replied to. She rarely asks me about myself, except by sometimes asking me the same questions that I asked her minutes earlier. I've said to her that she's welcome to say anything she wants to me. She clearly likes me complimenting her, and has told me that I'm the only person who does so.
I've sent messages to hundreds of girls via dating websites; I message more of them most days. There has only been one other who has responded positively. Things went no further than texting with her, and she has stopped doing that.
I'm puzzled that on one of the sites I'm active on, there are several girls who have viewed my profile several times each. However, none of them have initiated contact with me; when I contact them, they don't respond. If they don't want me, why do they repeatedly view my profile? If they do want me, why won't they message me? If they're undecided, why don't they ask me more about myself so that they can decide whether or not they want me?
There was a guy who I got chatting to but could never speak on the phone but I was able to meet face to face. It depends on the person I guess
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Why do you have such an issue with just texting? Surely that's better than nothing right?
This, some people may be only comfortable with texting, I am like that. I will only speak on the phone if I really have to, like I have to ring somebody urgently or have to speak to a parent at work on the phone. That's all really.
Texting only is pointless, disappointing and frustrating for me; it's worse than nothing. I thought it would merely be the step between messaging via the dating site and talking on the phone. If I'd known that this dead end would happen, I wouldn't have contacted her at all. If all she wants is texting: a) what could she get out of it? b) Why did she tell me that she wanted to have sex with me? c) Why hasn't she said that texting is all she wants? I expected the texting stage to last no more than a few days; it's now been several weeks.
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Have you asked her why she doesn't like talking on the phone? Whatever you do, don't pressurise her into talking on the phone.
To me it sounds very much like that this women is not interested in you. Yes, there can be various reasons why she doesn't want to talk on the phone, one of many that she is in reality a man and is catfishing you, that she has a phobia of phones, that she is mute, or idk, but the most probable is just that she does not want to progress with you any further and your inability to just chill the fuck out and trying to pry an opportunity for sex out of every communication you have with a female homo sapiens will leave you very very frustrated.
At what point should it be obvious that there's no chance? How long is too long to be stuck at the texting stage? I thought that we'd have been fuck buddies for over a month by now. If there were other girls who wanted me, I would have given up on her weeks ago and pursued the others. I contact more girls on dating websites nearly every day, but about 99% don't reply. I don't know how I can compete with the other male members of the dating sites.
It's highly unlikely that she's a catfish, scammer or man. If she were, what would be her motive? She hasn't asked me for, or received from me, any personal information or anything material. Me contacting her hasn't cost me any money (the many texts have not made me go over my monthly allocation on my phone contract). No-one can use anything I've written on my profile, or said in messages, against me.
The most likely scenarios are that: a) she doesn't like me (which makes her sending many texts to me over a period of several weeks puzzling) or b) she has social anxiety disorder or avoidant personality disorder and she can't face speaking on the phone or meeting up.
She said that she likes my sex-centred dating website profile, so I don't think she's repelled by my sexual texts, some of which she responded positively to.
Also about the catfishing. People don't just do it to scam people for money or their identity. Some people simply do it to fuck around with other people. If you need reasons: idk, maybe boredom, or malice.
Let us know when you had any success.
From what it looks like it sounds that there could be a bit more to the situation in why she doesn't speak on the phone so much. There's something she's not saying to you and I dont know if that's do with her social anxiety or being able to trust someone but there is something she's not saying.
There are some people who don't like speaking on the phone. I have a friend who doesn't like speaking on the phone when I use to call him and he was upfront with me and said he dont like speaking on the phone because he doesn't come across very well which is understandable but at the time he had some anxiety issues so there was a link. I dont know wether she might be the same only it sounds like she must have some form of social anxiety.
I dont think there's nothing wrong with texting. Dont actually understand why someone wouldn't like texting and have to speak on the phone when you would think it would be the other way round. Only there's only so much you can say by text as it only gets to the point talking by text is enough and you would progress things into talking on the phone but there has to come a time when you need to hear the person for yourself then hiding behind text and it sounds pretty suspicious as anyone could be texting you.
You may need to step it up a gear by going about talking to her as there needs to be some form of communication now or reasonable action. This will just keep going round in circles when nothing between you and her is progressing. I think you do have the right by going about it because it's not fair on you.
I know you have tried talking to her and asking her questions to why she doesn't like talking on the phone etc but if she's not giving you a clear answer every time then you got make it clear to her what you want as that's the only way she's gonna pay attention. This might sound a bit unreasonable but with the way it's looking you might have to give an ultimatum either that she is willing to communicate with you more and progress things further or just end things right now.
That's only fair as you said you been waiting for a month and in that month things should of started to progress in communicating, being flirty and seeing each other. This hasn't happened at all and the only thing you can do now is make it clear to by text with what you and give her a ultimatum and leave it as that.
You will hopefully know your answer by then so if she texts you back and says that's what she wants two then you got to say that you and her got to communicate more otherwise that's it but if she doesn't send you a text then you know that she doesn't really want what you want and shows she was just leading you on and saying all that stuff because she didn't know what she wanted.
Though I would just send her the text and leave it as that and carry on talking to other girls etc. There's no harm in doing that. I think by talking to other people will help you to get to know others and see what's happens then.
I don't know if this will be any good for you but have you tried flirting on the number to strangers on the phone who live locally to you? You get these talk chats where you can talk to people on the phone and flirt who are mostly interested in one thing. You do have to pay every time you talk to them by they have specific times when you can talk on the phone because you said the phone bill hasn't gone up and you usually spend more so maybe that's a good idea. Also you could try putting a local ad about yourself in the paper and say about you. They don't know nothing but what you said and if they sound interested then they will call you. What do you think about that?
In the mean time I would do that but still wait to see if you hear back from that girl but if you don't after a few weeks then you know that she's not interested. You have to take action as nothing will progress so that's all you can do.
I hope that helps x