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Should women take the man's surname when married?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This argument has recently come to light after Cheryl Cole decided to take her new husband's name after they married. Sorry for linking to the Mirror, I feel ashamed too.
Is this feminism going too far?
Surely the choice of changing your surname post-marriage is something which should be personal to the individual, without fear of judgement or criticism? When you're forcing expectations on someone based on their gender and telling them what the "right" thing to do is, whether that's to take a surname or to keep one, is that then becoming sexism?
:chin:
Is this feminism going too far?
Surely the choice of changing your surname post-marriage is something which should be personal to the individual, without fear of judgement or criticism? When you're forcing expectations on someone based on their gender and telling them what the "right" thing to do is, whether that's to take a surname or to keep one, is that then becoming sexism?
:chin:
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Comments
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Personally, when I marry MrRiot I'll double-barrel my name and I'd like our kids to have double-barrelled names too. I know it might sound a little pompous but after changing my name by deed poll when I was 18 my name is kind of precious to me!
Double barrelled works fine for some names and really badly for others.
One of my friends has recently become Mrs Husbands name in day to day life but kept her maiden name professionally. If me and boy run the course then that's something I'd consider as I like the idea of sharing a surname through marriage, but working in the same, relatively small industry and currently for the same company I like the idea of keeping some of my own independent identity too.
I have Spanish and Russian housemates:
In Spain it's traditional for a person to have a given name then two surnames- the mother's and the father's.
In Russia, you would usually get your father's surname and a middle name derived from his first name.
I have a different surname to my sisters, mother, nieces and nephews. I sometimes feel a bit isolated from them, being the only person in my family, along with my father, with my name (although it wouldn't make sense for me to have my mother's name, seeing as it's her ex-husband's.) As a child it was confusing for me to have a different name; I was convinced that it was because my mother loved me less than she loved my sisters. It also made things technically very difficult - when my father wasn't there, it caused a lot of problems given that me and mum had different names, especially when we were travelling.
I'd not take any future spouse's surname - I'd consider a double barrelled or a combined name, but my surname is MINE and I'm not throwing it to the wind to take on someone else's. I'd want my children to have my name (in addition to their father's, I suppose) because it creates a link between the two, and saves bureaucratic hassle.
I like the idea of children somehow having both parent's names, I think it's nice for the link to be recognised.
I was just looking up what happens after a few generations of double-barelling and found this guy:
"Admiral Sir Reginald Aylmer Ranfurley Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax"!
:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Whether that surname is the man's (if there is one), the woman's (if there is one) or a completely new one they make up on their own doesn't really matter, does it?
I know to guys in fact that took their wives names because they didn't particularly like theirs.
I like the idea of both partners taking whoever has the better name
Might the equality issue be a bit more clouded because, although no one has a legal obligation, there are social expectations? I imagine that a lot of women would struggle to persuade male partners to take their name ...
It's the same with honorific titles - some would argue that because 'Miss' and 'Mrs' convey marital status where as men just get the honorific title of 'Mr', some women are treated unequally. Then I point out that women are under no obligation to use either, they could just use 'Ms'. I don't think there's much of a social obligation to use 'Mrs' but the majority of women still do.
There are social expectations for lots of things, that's part of culture and tradition and as such human nature. If this social expectation actually caused any harm then I might agree that something needed to be done.