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trying again

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
hi, sorry I haven't really been around for a while, been having a really hard time, and things spiralled out of control a bit! just want someone to talk to, get it out.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey.

    We are here for you..

    Want to chat about anything?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, theres a few things been going on. I don't even know where to start!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :rolleyes:
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Katie,

    Sorry to hear everything's a bit much. It can be really hard to find the words when there's just so much going on.
    If it's hard to talk about what's happening, can you tell us how you're feeling? We can take it from there :)
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey KatieJayne,

    Massive prompts on reaching out here, and being able to post, it can often help having someone on the internet to reach out to. You mentioned a few things were going at the moment, so I understand it can be difficult looking for a starting off point, but it's about starting where you feel most comfortable, or something that your minds focussed on the most, but what you talk about on here, is up to you! How are you doing at the moment?

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, the main thing I am struggling with right now, is stuff at home, arguments ect
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    katiejayne wrote: »
    thanks, the main thing I am struggling with right now, is stuff at home, arguments ect

    Thanks for getting back to us KatieJayne, family arguments can be awfully difficult, and can have a horrible amount of pressure on people at home, and often those arguing can't really see how it's affecting those around them. Were often taught 'DEAR MAN' skills in DBT when it comes to dealing with arguments and it's about being rational. As often arguments can become competitions slanging each other! DEAR MAN basically stands for...
    tumblr_n0yl8pjEXS1t06na8o1_250.png

    Have you spoken to someone at home when things have calmed down about how you feel about the arguments, and how their affecting you? Who are the arguments between? -Massive *hug*'s- I often find drowning out arguing with headphones helps me in the moment to, while keeping productive, so my mind isn't as focussed on the argument, have you thought about doing something along the lines of that?

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my mum and stepdad argue pretty much everyday, sometimes more than once. a lot of the time its about me, or my sister, a lot of the time its over stupid little things. when I was little I grew up with domestic violence until I was 11. im so scared this is gonna go the same way. I have tried blocking it out by listening to music through headphones, but I feel like I need to listen, incase anything happens, like hear him hit my mum or screaming or something. I told a friend about it, an older mature friend, but I cant talk to anyone at home about it. my mum sometimes picks upon it like when I hide away in my room ect, but then they start having an argument about that and how my mum has told him loads not to be that way in front of me and stop shouting, but it never stopps him.
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Oh dear Katie, that sounds dreadful, and I'm really sorry to hear you have to go through that, often we can't really find a link to stop arguments when most arguments consist on them, but it isn't fair on you. Has your mum been hit in the past by your step dad? I don't really have much to say I'm afraid, but -Massive *hug*'s-

    How does the arguing at home, make you feel?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not that I know of, my dad use to though. well I feel scared, ashamed, worthless, like all I do is cause trouble for everyone, lonely, trapped, and down.
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey katie,

    I'm sorry to hear about what's happening at home. As Whispers said, well done on getting this out. That's a really tough situation and it sounds like you feel stuck in the middle. From what you've said, it also sounds like you feel responsible in some way for lots of the arguments they're having, which you say often seem to be about you. Not only that, but you feel you can't ignore the arguments just in case they turn violent - as they used to with your dad. That's a lot of pressure to be under, so it's totally understandable to feel scared, lonely and trapped.

    Often, when we argue about little things, as your mum and step-dad do, it means there's something bigger going on. Arguments that happen a lot can sometimes mean that the real problem isn't coming up. I can see why it seems like a lot of their arguments are about you, and maybe they are on the surface, but do you think there could be something else that's really going on?

    It must be a bit frustrating sometimes, and easy to feel like there's nothing you can do. I'm guessing the thought of talking to either of them about this is really scary? You said that your mum sometimes picks up on your feelings. Maye you could try and find a few minutes when your step-dad isn't around and let her know how you're feeling?
    It's great that you've already told a friend! That can't have been easy. What did they say?

    If you feel able to reach out to someone, you could try Women's Aid. They're really good at supporting people affected by arguments at home or domestic violence. Worth a try?

    Hope you're okay, and keep us posted :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dunno if anything else is going on, but I do think they hide lots of things from me. they keep whispering when im out the room and can hear them whispering but not quite make out what they are saying. and yeah talking to mum is terrifying, we never talk together about problems. and I feel like if I do tell her that I wont be protecting her too. im not sure about calling them, what would they do?
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey again katie. It's hard when people hide things from us, but it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it means they're trying to protect us.

    The people at Women's Aid are there to listen to you and help you talk through what's happening. They can also help you think next steps if that's what you want. You don't have to give them any personal info and they won't tell anyone else you've phoned them. They've got some more info here :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a lot of the time its about money. so they wont get the police to come or anything? I remember when I was little and they use to have to come and get my dad, it was horrible and so scary.
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Katie. They won't call the police, no. I understand that it must have been scary when it happened to your dad, but you don't have to give them your personal information (like address) :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's it worth sitting down with them both and just being really honest with them about how you're feeling? Maybe if you're step dad sees how much it's affecting you they will maybe try talking to each other in a more effective and calm way?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks jpick. and no miss-riot, I cant. I fel like I need to protect my mum by not saying anything, pretending everything is ok with me. thanks for the idea though.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Katie, you got some good advice on this thread, so I wont repeat it..

    But I just thought id see how you was feeling now? You say about pretending that everything is okay? how you finding that, I know when I have pretended things are okay I have felt tired and emotionally drained, it's hard to open up but it's worth it in the end.

    Sending you hugs
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks. yeah I do feel exhausted and drained, and kind of empty in a weird way. I had a really really hard night last night, I couldn't hide everything anymore and just cried out to a friend and told her. we talked things through, and I kinda got freaked out when she told me what she thought about what I was saying. I didn't sleep at all last night!
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I can relate to feeling empty.. things will get better. I know it doesnt feel like it atm. When we are tired it can really play a big part in how we are feeling emotionally. Do you have much planned for today. Maybe have a nap if you can.

    Its good that you opened up to your friend. That is a very brave step to take. Well done. Sorry to hear you got freaked out by your friends response to what you was saying.

    Keep us posted on how you are doing. We care

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, and no plans for today. I only freaked out cause I don't her something I have never been able to tell anyonebefore. about something that ive thought since I was little like 4 or 5ish. she explained that wasn't the case, but ive thought that for so long that now I feel so lost and alone and confused. like I don't know who I really am anymore.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You took a very brave step. You should be proud of yourself so much right now lovely. Sending you hugs

    It's completely normal to feel the way you are feeling, try not to lose hope of things getting better, you took the first step in confiding in somebody, so well done you! :)
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but how can you be sure of that? you don't know what I told her :/
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    That is true. I don't know what you told her, but something I have learnt recently is that no matter what happens and how rubbish and low you are feeling you can turn it around.

    I am not saying it's easy but it is possible.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do hope so. kinda hard to believe that's all
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I understand. I have gone through a really crap stage recently and I didn't think I could feel "happy" and "okay" but I have managed to get through that stage and you can too.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It's okay, and if you want to chat about anything, feel free to PM me :)
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would edit that bit out if I was you 'nana, about PM-ing you.
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey KatieJayne,

    How are you doing this morning? Just wanted to reach out and offer you warm supportive *hug*'s! - Did you call the helpline JPick had suggested above? Or even just looked into their website? Did you manage to get any sleep in the end? Would you be able to tell us what your friend had told you? And how it made you feel? It sounds as though her reaction was rather scary! But taking the step to open up to anyone is amazing, even if were not always sure of their reactions, but you always have the option to reach out for support on here!

    It sounds as the conversation was difficult for you, both ways! But remember, people on here are always here for you to! :heart:

    How about allowing yourself to relax a bit today? Maybe go out with friends for a girly day of shopping, or even self soothing, and having a little home spa day! It sounds like you deserve it!

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
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