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Why am i so easy to use

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
All my life I seem to have been used by one person or another. I was manipulated by my father and used against my mother during their very acrimonious breakup, I was used by my best friend in order for her to get what she wanted, I was used by my ex, and it seems most recently I was used by someone who told me that they were my friend in order for them to progress their company. It's really painful that I seem to be so easily manipulated by people, and I really can't work out how they manage it all and what it is I do to attract people like that. I am fairly open with people, especially partners. I kind of need to be because I often have flashbacks during sex and it's difficult if they don't know what's going on when that happens and I sometimes confide things to my friends but I don't have very many friends and i really only trust a very small number of people. I know there is this whole victim, perpetrator, rescuer triangle thing which I spent a lot of time looking at. I think I'm fairly clear that I don't feel like a victim any more but I still just can't work out what it is that attracts people to using me. I talks to my mum about it, and she seems to think it's because I get easily wound up by people. I don't agree with that though, I used to get bullied quite a lot in school because I was very different from most of the people who I went to school with - i wasn't local, i had "odd" tastes in music, clothes, hobbies. I know that given the fact that I am a young single disabled woman living on my own, that makes me very vunerable in itself. On top of that fact to have some mental health issues, I can see how people could see me as an easy target in some ways. But I can't figure out what it is I do to attract people - even my own father used me. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's nothing wrong with you hun, there are just nasty people out there who pray on the "vulnerable".

    I've been victim to it my entire life. I think my issue is that, due to the abuse I suffered, I crave someone to care for me and love me. And I am blinded by this so called "love" and just let them use me while I go on pretending everything is fine. I'm not suggesting you have the same problem, I just want you to know that it's not just you *hug*

    Often people see your insecurities and niggle away at them if they are trying to get something, they hit you were it hurts the most. Which just makes it all the more raw and painful. I'm not really sure what to suggest, I just wanted you to know I'd read this and I can relate :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, nobody really can tell, without knowing you in person, but take that as you will, maybe you are too good-natured and therefor make an easy target. All I can base that off of, is when your mother warned you about your latest friend and you (and me, since I saw the story through your eyes) disregarded her warnings. It is a hard task to learn to say no if you feel a "favor" for a friend is just an exploitation, but it is an important one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm pretty good at saying no to people when i need to, but i am also generous - maybe too much so i guess people can take advantage. But i do listen to what other people have to say but i was trying to listen to what everyone had to say, and it makes the situation harder.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's simple really, firstly you're a vulnerable person, this makes it a lot easier for people to pray on you and take advantage of you and whilst you can say no, you've also said you're very generous so once they know what your willing to do, people will abuse it.

    The problem is, and maybe I am to cynical, people are out for themselves these days and a vast majority of people are only interested in looking after number one and will tread over other people to get what they need.

    Maybe you need to look at concentrating on yourself, rather than helping your friends/family/loved ones out at present, maybe try and get a few of the friends you've helped to reciprocate and get a better idea of if they're truly your friend.

    My door is always open :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The problem it seems that these people arent really friends because they never do. I have a very select number of friends who are good and reciprocate (yourself being one of them...i'll get down soon I promise!). I just seem to choose the wrong people to be friends with sometimes, i have a handful of good friends and maybe i should stick to them. :/
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