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Would you date someone with a disablity?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Ok question going on from what I've already asked - would you respond to someone on a dating website that stated they used a wheelchair sometimes and a stick because of a disability on their profile?

    Yes if I found them attractive
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. I dislike the idea of looking after somebody or reducing my social life. However, I recently went out with someone with ADHD, and I just found the relationship far to dependant on me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. I dislike the idea of looking after somebody or reducing my social life. However, I recently went out with someone with ADHD, and I just found the relationship far to dependant on me.

    Having a disability doesn't mean they'll reduce your social life. How ignorant and judgmental of you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh melian, I would rather people were honest an actually said what they feel so I can't get a better picture of how the general public feel about disabled people.

    I've decided to mention it at the very end of my dating profile so if people have read that far they may be interested anyway!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well me just one word dissability is not important :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    leela_e wrote: »
    well me just one word dissability is not important :)

    Maybe to the person who can't actually walk it is?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Having a disability doesn't mean they'll reduce your social life. How ignorant and judgmental of you.

    It might do though. I'm not being mean and horrible here, and some people may take offence at this. I see the problem as being someone putting having an active social life over caring for others, not that they are worried about a reduction in social life because they would be kind enough to care for someone. Right or wrong, there are people who will worry about their new partner becoming reliant on them, or they end up being carer in chief, and it scares some people a lot. Like I said, I don't mean to come across as nasty but some people will think that way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    It might do though. I'm not being mean and horrible here, and some people may take offence at this. I see the problem as being someone putting having an active social life over caring for others, not that they are worried about a reduction in social life because they would be kind enough to care for someone. Right or wrong, there are people who will worry about their new partner becoming reliant on them, or they end up being carer in chief, and it scares some people a lot. Like I said, I don't mean to come across as nasty but some people will think that way.

    Might doesn't mean they will.

    I wonder how many of you have had a disabled partner to know that this will happen? Not every disabled person requires care.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Might doesn't mean they will.

    I wonder how many of you have had a disabled partner to know that this will happen? Not every disabled person requires care.

    Of course they don't. But MR was asking specifically about her situation, and asking for honesty.

    Even though most of us on here know that disabled doesn't mean needing constant care, there is still an element of it in most disabilities, particularly physical ones. And in a lot of cases, it will limit the amount that someone can do, socially. Nobody is saying that people with disabilities can't leave an active, social life (depending on the disability, of course). They're just saying that it might limit things and they personally wouldn't be willing to deal with that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To put it another way - one of my friends is heavily into sailing, she'd really struggle to have a functional relationship with someone who wasn't able to get involved in that.

    That probably rules out someone with a significant physical limitation (and people who are scared of water).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes but not by preferance

    I've dated someone before during my early teenage years who was also disabled and she couldn't walk but we stayed together for a year until we were in separate schools the fact that i stood by her makes her so loyal to me we often talk and are best of friends but in all honesty that year was the hardest year in concern with dating i have ever had so unless the girls really special id avoid it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I myself am disabled

    Hi,
    I've just joined this site and saw this post and really felt the need to reply to it.

    I myself am a wheelchair user after having cancer as a baby. I can walk a few steps but that is it. I use a very lightweight and sporty wheelchair to get around. I do not require help or a carer at all. I'm 20.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is NOT my carer. I do things myself.
    Think the only thing he has to do for me is reach the top shelf but that is it.

    People stereotype people with disabilities in a way that they assume they cannot do something. This is not being aimed at anyone but my personal past experience has given me this opinion. I'm at college, I work and I drive.
    Dating someone with a disability is certainly an experience and I know many couples where one is in a wheelchair and one is able bodied. My boyfriend is not a wheelchair user... he plays hockey!

    A lot of people fear becoming a carer rather than a partner who you can have a fun, intimate and exciting time with. Yes, sometimes this happens but most people with some form of disability will want to be independent. A lot of the time, you will be able to tell how your relationship may pan out after the first couple of dates or so.

    You need to look at the persons personality. Are you attracted to them?

    Whatever help a disabled person needs is there to enable them to be as independent as possible.
    Just remember, it is your choice but get to know the person a bit more. Don't focus on their disability. If you really like them, you'll accept it :) :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do believe there will be some good souls out there who don't mind dating someone with a disability if they really love the other partners but i would say it will be a difficult relationship to the surrounging people.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd date somebody with a disability... I don't understand people who wouldn't.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I've taken down my dating website page - I've had enough of people sending me weird messages and being down right rude about my disability.

    But I have been talking to a couple of people who might be potentials but right now I'm just focusing on spending time with friends. I think a lot of people don't seem to realise that my disability isn't the sum total of me and all I require from someone else is a bit of understanding and no more care and affection than they would give to an able-bodied partner.

    One day I'll find someone who gets that!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good for you :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It would depend on if it was a physical or mental disability.

    I generally don't advertise it because I know the reputation that is associated with it but I have ADHD and OCD and with the exception of a few like my old girlfriend I haven't told anybody outside of my family about it because I didn't want people to see me differently. As much as I would like to believe everybody in the world was accepting of that I have watched people who were more open about it get bullied and singled out from when I was a kid up until today and even people I work with make a variety of jokes about it so to all those people that have a problem with those of us that have it just remember this spastic managed to succeed no matter how many odds were stacked against him.

    With that being said I wouldn't mind dating somebody with ADHD or a similar disability if I was single but I probably wouldn't date somebody who was in a wheelchair just on the basis of there being too many things we wouldn't be able to do together. I am an active person and I like to go out to a lot of different places and I need somebody that is active too and can keep up with me.

    I am sure you will be able to find someone that would date you though so don?t give up as this world is full of surprises and I was ready to give up and thought nobody would some loser that lost the last two women he loved in car accidents and thought I was cursed but it turned out I had someone that loved me and I was too blind and depressed to see it.

    Good luck and if you want some advice DON'T try dating sites unless you want cyber bullies, cyber stalkers, hackers, bed humpers etc.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Well I've taken down my dating website page - I've had enough of people sending me weird messages and being down right rude about my disability.

    But I have been talking to a couple of people who might be potentials but right now I'm just focusing on spending time with friends. I think a lot of people don't seem to realise that my disability isn't the sum total of me and all I require from someone else is a bit of understanding and no more care and affection than they would give to an able-bodied partner.

    One day I'll find someone who gets that!
    OKCupid?

    I took mine down... Too many idiots on there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Well I've taken down my dating website page - I've had enough of people sending me weird messages and being down right rude about my disability.

    But I have been talking to a couple of people who might be potentials but right now I'm just focusing on spending time with friends. I think a lot of people don't seem to realise that my disability isn't the sum total of me and all I require from someone else is a bit of understanding and no more care and affection than they would give to an able-bodied partner.

    One day I'll find someone who gets that!


    I too have a disability - I have MS and as a result my legs are weak and my balance is non-existant so I have to use a wheelchair and sometimes an electric scooter when I'm out and about.

    I have very high self esteem and am a very positive and optimistic person. I'm also good looking and very confident.

    We all have our 'types' and 'wishlists' but at the end of the day no one is perfect!

    Just like you I'm looking for that person too!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    to be honest, no. i'm not used to being around disabled people. it sounds bad, I admit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok.

    What exactly troubles you about being around disabled people?
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