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Would you date someone with a disablity?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really want people to be totally honest and up front here!
I kind of want to get some kind of perspective on what it is about people with disabilities that scares or puts people off, and what people do and don't see as an issue.
As my condition is getting worse I've gone from just walking slowly, to using a stick, to a scooter and now I'm likely to be using a wheelchair frequently outside of the house. I know my chances of finding a partner deminish with my health because not everyone understands the nature of disability in general let alone my disablity, but I thought if I understand why people wouldn't date someone like me then I might feel less like a reject.
I also want to know why someone might date someone with a disabilty - would you see past it and would it depend on their personality and a smile rather than their body, or are there other reasons?
I hope that makes some kind of sense!
I kind of want to get some kind of perspective on what it is about people with disabilities that scares or puts people off, and what people do and don't see as an issue.
As my condition is getting worse I've gone from just walking slowly, to using a stick, to a scooter and now I'm likely to be using a wheelchair frequently outside of the house. I know my chances of finding a partner deminish with my health because not everyone understands the nature of disability in general let alone my disablity, but I thought if I understand why people wouldn't date someone like me then I might feel less like a reject.
I also want to know why someone might date someone with a disabilty - would you see past it and would it depend on their personality and a smile rather than their body, or are there other reasons?
I hope that makes some kind of sense!
0
Comments
I think with some minor disabilities, I'd just see past it and not let it become an issue.
Agree.
Someone with severe physical or mental disability would, horrible as this sounds, be too much hard work for me. I struggle enough with my mental health as it is, and I wouldn't be able or willing to give someone who needs that level of care the kind of attention they need.
That said with opportunities to meet people online this is becoming less of an issue. If I knew someone with a disability and got on well with them and saw a connection then why not? It's about enjoying spending time with a person and being able to make each other lives happier. Though as has already been mentioned if I was expected to be a carer that would be different - starting a relationship as unequals isn't good in my book.
An elephant in the room might be how other people perceive the relationship. A couple of my relationships have been with people with disabilities (though ones that wouldn't be immediately apparent) and when certain members of my family found out they sometimes made comments basically implying that I "lowered my standards" in being with that person. They were blunt enough to say it out loud but I'm sure they weren't the only ones to think that. That means that someone who is in a relationship with someone with a disability might need a certain level of confidence to not let comments about the relationship get to them.
What I'm trying to say is being disabled is not an obstruction to every relationship. There would have to be give and take (as there is in any relationship); but I would not consider it an impossibility should I find myself wanting to date a disabled person. Of course, some people would find it something they couldn't do. Just like some people won't date people shorter/taller than them or someone of a different race.
But, as Betsy points out, me and Leigh have a similar situation. Yes, he does support me at home and out and about but he has a very good social and sexual life without me. My social life is limited to my abilities (or lack of them) and my sex life to my status, but it works well for us. It's just an ordinary relationship with no sexy sex between us and he does his own thing socially. Everything else is the same, the affection, the care, the rows
also, I used to date someone with aspergers syndrome, and sometimes he would say things that were hurtful and not realise it... but... he was an AMAZING kisser
Would I date someone who happened to have a disability? Yes, if I clicked with them.
"Ballerina, can you assist me climbing that flight of stairs? My prosthetic leg is killing me today."
"FUCK YOU Lloyd and your oppressive ways. I won't be used by you again!" :razz:
Agreed
I've thought about this a lot and I've decided I wouldn't care if he was in a wheel chair. I would do anything for him, I love him so much and if you truly love someone I don't think it would matter. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard having to look after someone 24/7 but I'd do it for the man I love.
Being in a wheelchair wouldn't rule someone out for me. It would depend on the disability. Someone with severe mental health issues (after past experience).. no.
But even if i didn't have problems myself i would still be with him. I love him and we help each other.
It pains me sometimes that other people don't understand his illness, in some ways i think it would be easier if they could so it. I don't tend to talk to people about a lot of his & our stuff because a lot of people don't understand and think i should leave him because it can be difficult.
No. Both for the reasons I've stated above, and because, to me, that's doing almost what Fiend says.
Having a picture of you using either doesn't fit under that, though.
Can you explain franki? What's the difference?
Because outright stating it implies that it's something that you think defines you. Because you're placing a lot of importance on it.
Other people may see it differently, but to me a photo just is a photo of you, as in you are the subject and the stick/chair is incidental.
not sure there is a right way...