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This.
My first reaction when i read what Neo texted wasn't "wtf i can't believe anyone would say that" it was more....."wait a minute, this person ignored you 15 times and you continued to attempt to be their friend".
I genuinely think that is a bigger issue than whatever he texted or even that he has no friends. Hanging onto people who couldn't give a fuck about you is just a terrible idea from personal experience. And once you realise you don't have to put up with it and become more comfortable by yourself... It's good...
I also think he is taking a lot of stick for saying what he did when all he did was get a bit frustrated, as we all do sometimes. His "friend" was just a prick IMO
Thesite recently launched runforit which was all about combating social isolation, yet thesite's own Loneliness article was written three years ago and is very general. As someone who works a bit with online content creation I can see an article spun out just for contents sake and this unfortunately feels like one of those. (I don't mean to criticise thesite as these kind of articles are just as important as the laser focus specialist expertise ones for different reasons - just feel there is an area lacking support - and I think I've seen quite a few people who would benefit from some good expert advice other than join a dating site.)
I actually think there aren't many good ways for people to deal with loneliness and social isolation that are well understood yet. Its not quite something thats dealt with by the medical profession or the social support services, except for older people where its a bigger problem (in that a greater %age of older people suffer, but that doesn't diminish the experiences of younger people who feel lonely too).
But now im back, its unlikely i'll see those people ever again and certainly never all together again as they are from all over the world. I know what i want in a friend now, they made me feel great about myself, gave me confidence and for a little while i was actually happy.
But being back i now have no friends. I don't even know what to do now to make friends, UK culture makes it so difficult. You can't go to the pub by yourself and make friends, anyone there is already in a sealed group of friends. All i really need is one good friend to be able to go out and make more but i have zero.
I've tried meeting people on dating sites, but hardly anyone bothers replying to me, no matter how many of their hoops i jump through just to get a reply back.
I've spent money to create meetup groups and whilst one has 30 members i've started an event a week ago but no one has said they are coming yet. I feel cursed, like something is out there stopping me from making friends here. I know thats silly but it just seems like some unknown force is not making things work the way they should. I've even applied for a new job to try and make new friends, so we'll see how that goes. But i can't try any harder, this is mentally draining as it is. Why does everyone seem so closed to the idea of meeting new people?
I found it a lot easier to chat to people in the US when i was there but unfortunately i can't just up and leave, no matter how much i want to.
You state you have hobbies but you don't say what...give us a few of your hobbies and perhaps we can suggest you ways.
NeoNero - what town is it you live in again? I recently found a group called 'Cheltenham Social Club' which is for young people that I'm considering going to. Essentially they just meet up at a bar once a week and everyone gets a bit sozzled and has a chat. Not exactly my scene since I've not drunk for six months but its something!
I found it on facebook, maybe there's something like that near you?
It's like that where I live. Most groups are either for OAPs or people under a certain age. (younger tha me) I used to travel 40 miles each way a week to attend a group; as that was the closest one to me.
what generation are you if you wouldn't mind me asking? If you are really searching for somewhere...religious groups are the perfect place...I know of hundreds if not thousands of young people where i live in York who do great things in the community with a number of cool groups and also socialize together...you don't even need to be religious just have an accepting heart. It's not for me personally...but its very easy to make friends with a christian.
I've totally noticed the same exact thing.
A few years ago I used to have really nice conversations online with people on MSN, since Facebook took off everyone switched from MSN to Facebook and the the number of people online sky rocketed but the quality of the conversation went right down.
Now it's like one big competition to post photos on Facebook, be tagged at the right events and be seen to be doing more interesting things then all your friends, get more LIKES then everyone else.
I even noticed with one relative who lives on the other side of the world we used to make huge efforts to keep in touch with her, almost every other day, sometimes we'd speak on the phone 5 days a week .. but as soon as she got a smart phone we barely heard from her, because then other people were chatting to her on Facebook, WhatsApp, etc People who before wouldn't go to the time and expense of calling her through a regular phone line.
Im near Birmingham, but so far most groups i've found all want money or membership. I just want to hang out with people my age, just go to the pub or where ever else people normally hang out with friends. But UK culture makes that so difficult, if i go to a pub here theres no way to 'infiltrate' a group of people if you are by yourself and have no link to them. I found the US much more open to solo people and people bonding over a common place rather than how they know each other.
Maybe its a brummie thing, unless you know people from school it seems very hard to make friends. As for changing jobs, im trying to do that but its not as easy as clicking your fingers and getting a new great paying job you love with awesome friends.
As for hobbies someone asked, i play games, learning guitar, photography, rock music etc etc and whilst most of them can be kinda singular hobbies, any groups i've seen for them all want money with no clue as to the type of people going to these groups.
It's really great that you met people on your trip and feel more positive about great people existing :yes:
Doesn't mean you will now meet people overnight however it's important to notice, remember and hold on to the confidence you had out there! And to remember that they accepted you and you accepted them.
It's true that it can be harder in certain cultures. Here's a thought; instead of allowing ourselves to be who we are because of where we live, perhaps its more about bringing the mindset we have while we're abroad, back home. I find that on holiday we can be more open minded, friendlier, accepting, outgoing and spontaneous - perhaps trying to apply these aspects of yourself here could have a new impact. Might be wrong, but could be worth thinking about :chin:
Where as there could equally be someone from that other country that finds themself in the same situation as you, and thinks the UK is a much easier place to make friends. Even if it is the subtle difference of being somewhere else, that little initial niceness and opening up by someone can lead you to being far more at ease without realising it at times.
Around my home town(s), I find it so hard to talk to most people because I'm used to people bullying/hating me because of high school (even though that was 5 years ago).
But if I'm in even the next town over, I'm open, friendly and so much more at ease.
It's because I've bad memories associated with my home town(s) that I can't get over. And that's sad.
Maybe you've got some of that going on too Neo?
American culture in general is different in the way that people are encouraged to be... somewhat more outgoing and prouder to talk of their achievements? Something like that.