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Having no friends is killing me.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have no friends. I txt people and invite them out, no reply. I message people on facebook, they read the message but no reply. I try to make new friends either online or when i go out but its either no reply or they have no interest in getting to know me, i was just a person that was there, that they spoke to that they instantly forget about.
I feel like im invisable, i think about people in my life a lot, but i think they just don't think about me ever. No one ever calls me or messages me to see how i am or if they haven't spoken to me in a while.
Im a nice person, i have hobbies and interests, i try not to act depressed in front of others or give off negative vibes. But no matter what i do i have no friends, no matter how hard i try and im at a point now where i don't know what to do cos i've tried everything and failed many times. Its almost like i don't belong here.
I feel like im invisable, i think about people in my life a lot, but i think they just don't think about me ever. No one ever calls me or messages me to see how i am or if they haven't spoken to me in a while.
Im a nice person, i have hobbies and interests, i try not to act depressed in front of others or give off negative vibes. But no matter what i do i have no friends, no matter how hard i try and im at a point now where i don't know what to do cos i've tried everything and failed many times. Its almost like i don't belong here.
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Let me know if this helps at all xx
Feeling invisible can be very lonely and exhausting, so no wonder you feel like this.
But it seems that the people that are currently in your life don't appreciate you.
Meeting new people can be daunting at first, but perhaps you need a fresh start :yes:
Have you thought about joining a new team/group/hobbie, or volunteering? You said you have tried many things, but perhaps changing the hobby completely could broaden the people you meet.
Do you have any family that you can open up to about this?
Samaritans are good at dealing with similar issues, so feel free to call them anonymously whenever you feel down. And do feel free to keep posting here :yes:
Let us know how you get on *hug*
I feel the same way too hence why I'm on TheSite at 2am... Even though I know i should be in bed, ready for an early morning - of spending all day inside, whilst everyone is out enjoying the sun.
You just sorta learn to do things by yourself, or great imaginary friends, they're cool.
I don't need to talk to anyone about this, that won't solve anything. I just need some friends, some people who want to be my friend. I can fix everything else in my life, hate my job i can find a new one, dont like where i live i can move. But make new friends? That relies on others to want to be my friend but so far no one does or cares about me and i don't know how to fix it.
You could always look for a group of your choice to join and just plan on having a good time and being yourself.
Message me i you want to talk, hope I help a bit x
If you're comfortable with the idea of going to a random meet up, try meetup.com. I need to take my own advice fairly soon and go to a meeting, I might in the new few weeks since I'll have time with a half term coming up so won't be in work. I can't even use work as a platform for making friends my own age because I work with people who are on average over 40, lol.
Don't worry about it, you'll find new friends at some point. My best friends I met randomly and didn't even think we'd be friends all these years later! The advice given above is good advice, don't go out with the aim of meeting friends. Even just interacting positively will strangers will boost your confidence and eventually lead to some new friendships.
I think when trying to make friends (and this is something I've thought about a lot) its easy for people to go 'Aha, thats easy - just make more friends!' but there are certainly three 'stages' of friend making. I use these stages in work as well to determine customers from joe public as well but I find they work quite well.
1) Acquisition. Are you simply meeting enough people, or getting to places where people are likely to be and you can meet them, are you going to the right places where people who are also looking to chat will be?
2) Engagement/behaviour. Are you talking to people? Are your conversation skills up to scratch? Any possible 'turn offs' that might put people off?
3) Sealing the deal. Are you chasing up with people you meet? Getting their numbers or arranging hangouts? How are we turning acquaintances into friends?
Not that I have the solutions for all these by the way, but at least we can start to frame our own problems in the right way. We might be experiencing difficulty with all of these aspects, but being able to fence them apart and saying 'Well, on this occasions [this] happened and it was probably a problem in area number [1/2/3]'. This at least gives us small goals to work on and focus rather than feeling defeatism against the 'bottom line'. Even if we have no good friends in the next month, we can say 'Well, in June I introduced myself to 10 people, compared to May where I introduced myself to 0/1 people.' (or something). It's the small goals that we start aiming for, that start adding up to the big wins over time.
I did mean to read through How to Win Friends and Influence People - have either of you had a look at it? It's supposed to be really good.
'Hey, it'd be nice if you replied once in a while, it isn't that hard to send a text back'.
Their reply
'Don't try and guilt trip me, i'll reply to you if i want to'.
And thats basically how everyone treats me, like shit and from what they wrote basically they are happy in life now so they don't have to deal with people like me.
I've tried meetup, because i don't live in london its all womens only groups or for people in their 50s.
I decided to pay to make my own meetup group (what a con!) but now i have the trouble of actually arranging stuff and being there and being the leader, which in my frame of mind right now i really don't want to do it.
I actually gave my number to a girl in a pub the other day, i didn't expect her to text me, all i did was walk over, say hi, said i thought she looked cute and to give me a text sometime. Thats lame, not as lame as doing nothing but still lame enough i knew nothing would happen, and so far nothing has happened.
I also started a new profile on okc yesterday, sent out 25 messages. So far i've had a few visitors but no replies. Guess i really am quite undesirable. I don't know what to do to fix this because as Shyboy puts, you have to rely on the other person 100% and so far that other person couldn't give a crap about me. Just feel like im going to be alone in life forever and getting REALLY down again.
Yes that was a shitty text from your so-called friend, and I'd ignore it tbh. They obviously aren't a friend! Have you looked up local groups on Facebook? That's how I met a few of my friends.
I've changed my profile a number of times on sites, still the same response, zero. I've changed what types of messages i send from generic ones others say that work to detailed highly tailored ones. I kinda get the impression people see my picture and are just turned off by it so don't even want to get to know me.
Im a nice guy, i have hobbies, im fun, i am successful. I basically have everything except friends or anyone that cares for me.
And that friend that text me that, shes not the first, i've had a few variations on that over the past year and whilst i've all told them to go F themselves it doesnt do anything. It doesn't make me feel better and it doesn't make them feel worse, probably makes them glad to be honest that im not longer texting them.
When i say im undesirable its because im being honest here, thats how i feel, and i assume others see me currently. But its not something i'll say outside of this site because that would make me undesirable.
I just want to address this in particular. If you had texted that to me, I would have either driven to your house and slapped you, or rung you up and asked you who you think you are. I think you're lucky to have received any kind of reply because you just can't deliver what is effectively an ultimatum to people that you want to be your friends. You say people treat you like shit, and that's apparently true, but sending passive aggressive guilt trips to people is really out of line. You're working really hard, obviously, and that's great, but there's something wrong with the way you communicate sometimes.
So what would you have done in my position huh? What should I have done instead?
I guess I'd rather just be told up front the reason (in case ive got the wrong impression) than for someone to be a shit friend and get away with it.
First of all, people that ignore 15 texts are not your friends. Heck, people that ignore 5 texts aren't your friend. Let them go....there is nothing to be gained by trying to stay in contact with them or getting mad with them.
I agree with Fiend that your text was a little silly but it's also a bit rich of this person to accuse you of guilt tripping them when they have ignored you for so long and actually made it clear they don't give a **** already IMO
Secondly, learn to enjoy your own company. It's honestly the best thing i ever did.
I'm not sure I quite get that, explain?
Neddy I've had enough of my own company, being alone 24/7 gets dull quickly. I've always liked my own space and time but this is too much!
I have done a bit of make up artistry and I found out about it through a friend but lots have just searched online and come up with it. It's more of a creative co-op but we meet up once a month ish
it's simple. You want your friend to be honest. But you weren't. What you meant was something like "I'm feeling alone and isolated. I need a friend, can you help me?" But you didn't say that, you were rude instead. If you want honesty, be honest, respect, be respectful.
Confused as to how what NeoNero said could be classed as "guilt tripping" but saying "I'm all alone please be my friend" isn't???
You have accused Neo of being rude and disrespectful but his "friend" was incredibly rude and disrespectful by ignoring him in the first place so therefore doesn't really deserve respect back IMO.
I'm not saying he was right to send that text. He should have cut that person out of his life some time ago....but you are essentially telling him to continue being nice and respectful to someone who'd been a complete dick towards him. I'm sure his first 14 texts were perfectly pleasant
I know how difficult that is to let them go though when you have nobody else. I've had it with friends myself. I've had friends who literally told me I was their best friend in the world when they needed me, and then completely cut me from their life afterwards. Either accept shit friends or have no friends is the catch 22. I'm eight years and counting for (any) friend from Leicester to come visit me
Also have to echo learning to enjoy your own company. It's the first thing you can do that will have a direct impact on your happiness and something you can control completely. It's not a magic bullet and it's not a final solution. Treat your loneliness like a problem to break apart and fix. Part of the problem is lack of friends, another problem is the way you feel when you're on your own. I suspect that, like me, you may try to hold onto otherwise crap friendships because of how utterly horrible it feels being on your own. But you can get better at dealing with the isolation is all I'm saying, a small improvement to that may go a long way towards making you feel better overall.
From wikipedia. It's a starting point for actionable changes.
I'm actually shocked there isn't more support out there given how big an issue it is and how it can affect quality of life. Now that the majority of our generation aren't church goers there's a huge void in the social calendar for getting out there and interacting. And like you've found (and I have as well) meetup.com isn't a brilliant solution as-is.
Ok, that's all fine and whatever. But there are two options, that come down to the choice "do I want this person as a friend". If no, be a tool, if yes, be the bigger person.
I think part of the problem is that when struggling with social confidence (talking for myself here, not sure if Neo will feel the same) you 'cling' to bad friendships because the alternative is crap. It's like people who are in a shit relationship who stay in it because they're worried being single will be worse...
It's not the best course of action though, agreed. We're all tools sometimes.