not sleeping properly cause i think that the

Former Member

How are you feeling this morning?

As Suzy says, if you think things are getting really bad and you don't feel safe at all it would be much better to go to hospital voluntarily. I know hospital isn't the nicest place in the world, but it will give you the opportunity to get more support, and talk to someone about how you are feeling.

If you really don't feel you could go to hospital, then I think you should try and speak to someone from the psych team soon anyway. You don't have to tell them everything, just the things you feel comfortable telling them, and hopefully they'll be able to put in place some extra support for you while things are difficult.

Former Member

i'm not going to hospital voluntarily, i actually feel traumatised by the last admittion.
those people, those people have made me more fucked up now than what i was 3 and a half years ago. so, support? HA don't make me laugh!
besides, if i go to hospital again that will mean even longer to get my driving licence back, and i have waited long enough.
God help me.

Former Member

they have been tormenting me like mad today

Former Member

people or voices?

Former Member

the people sending the thoughts and anger

Former Member

try and remember that that is scientifically impossible xx

Former Member

not sure I believe that

Former Member

Sorry to hear how bad things are at the moment *hug* - are you feeling any better today?

It can be hard when there's so much expectations on certain meetings... do you mind me asking what it was that caused you to cry in the meeting? Whatever it was, I'm sure the MH team are very used to dealing with different emotions - perhaps next time if you feel like crying you could ask them for 5 minutes 'out' so you don't have to finish the meeting early? Try not to let it set you back too much though - there will be many ups and downs along the road of your treatment and having a down day doesn't have to be a disaster.

Take care

Former Member

thanks for reply spanner- well thankfully I got some more lorazepams from my gp, I know they are only for short use, but hopefully will just ease the insomnia, intense suicidal thoughts and thoughts they are injecting in my mind. been getting in such a state I have loads of cocodamols prescribed now and had thoughts of overdosing, something has changed, I feel less scared about killing myself, so seems more of a possibility. so it's not been just a down day, it's been a very down 6 months or so, and nothing seems to be changing. I have started to see a psychologist weekly, but it's early days yet.

Former Member

so it seems my posts are being edited... can't tell the truth to anyone..
so i'll just say, I am feeling really suicidal and that part of my mind that used to think, no don't do it because.... well, it's dissolving,

Former Member

Jo, why have her posts been edited?

Former Member

Apologies nutter, I meant to PM you to explain, my bad

I edited out the more graphic mentions of self harm methods as this can be really difficult for others reading.

We wouldn't want you to feel you can't tell us the truth though. If we need to edit anything else we'll let you know.

How are you doing this evening?

*hug*

Former Member

I guess it was a bit graphic and well.. gross..
not so good jo7, have been in contact with that Papyrus charity because I really think I may overdose this week. it doesn't feel scary or make me feel emotional like previously, more, at peace with it. just concerned about getting sectioned/ and my family.. I feel so far away from everyone at the moment, it is weird.

Former Member

It's good that you contacted Papyrus - did it help you work through your feelings at all? How are things today? I hope the suicidal urges have gone, but please keep talking here and call Papyrus again if it was helpful if you're still feeling bad. *hug*

Former Member

A tad Spanner, but I've been talking to therapist and MH team and asked for more visits because I really cannot do something like that to my family no matter how shit I feel. Have been hardly sleeping still, I get to sleep in early hours and then wake up about 4 hours later with a manic mind, just thoughts going from one thing to another really quickly, it wakes me up. Heard another voice today, came from my laptop, was a 'HELLO?' a female voice, it's usually male. Feel really confused. Feel like those doctors are using satanic forces on me. I don't know whether to go back on an antipsychotic, I really don't want to, because even if they don't make me feel sedated and calm, I do feel like a different person on them, and I don't like that, but then I do not like how things are at the moment, just seem to be getting worse in my head and worse physical pain and fatigue, it makes for a lot of despair. feel like the world is against me.

Former Member

Well done for keeping talking to the therapist and MH team. It might not always feel like it, but it's the right thing to do in the long-term, even if there's no immediate improvement in things.

It sounds like you're having quite frightening and confusing experiences with the voices, and being sleep-deprived must add to the difficulties too *hug* Is there anyone or anything you could turn to when this starts to happen - as a distraction or support? I realise that this isn't always practical in the middle of the night, but if you could build up a few coping mechanism to turn to when it's happening perhaps you'd feel more in control?

Former Member

still trying to figure that out spanner, still trying, still, still water, fountain? um what, yeah.. still trying anyway

Former Member

took quite a few benzos today, (I found the stash my parents hid from me because I used to mix up my antipsychotics to get a desired calming effect especially when one of them caused akathisia) ultimately I just fell asleep... but I think doing that is a prelude of things to come (overdosing). I have tried to communicate to my mh team, had a few chats and said I do not want to go to hospital but I could do with extra visits, after informing them that I had a plan, I was scared, no I do not feel safe, thoughts are not my own etc etc.. I really thought they might come over at least once this week, but it has just been a phone call... i'm really disappointed... and now, yet a -bloody -gain it is a longer weekend and they are only open weekdays 9-5.. yes I realise they must be busy, but this is the worst I have ever felt, and it feels like just because I am not taking any antipsychotics now, they just couldn't give a flying fuck. Feels like they have just given up on me and are fed up with my ramblings. What's more, my therapist was meant to call me at some point but for some reason hasn't... feel so isolated and paranoid... this morning I really felt as though my parents were 'in on it', to cause me harm, and these moods.. they are just so severe I do not know how I am going to survive for much longer. somebody out there in internet world please help me.

Former Member

*hug* it all sounds very scary and confusing. Has anyone from the MH team been in touch with you today?

Former Member

nah, it's the weekend..
I am afraid I may start to become quite aggressive again, maybe I should go back into hospital again just so I can beat the shit out of the doctors and nurses, I already want to scream and shout and throw stuff at the team. I've lost control before, how the hell can I stop it from happening again?