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not sleeping properly cause i think that the
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
'doctors' might be the ones putting violent thoughts in my mind, of being violent towards them, and then when i get distressed they can lock me away again. i am now spending 90% of my time in my room. not getting to sleep till 2-3am and then waking frequently in the morning. asked for zopiclone again and got it but can't say it's helping. i am just awake thinking all the time, i get surges of adrenalin and anger and want to smash things, i feel literally blinded by it. it was all happening before my antipsychotic decreased, i am slowly coming off it as it wasn't hellping anyway and i've been on loads of them but they are all poison. they think i make up this pain and anguish and label me with personality disorder? they are absolute evil. i am just stuck in my head with nothing to do. my licence has been witheld for 2 years now, it's ridiculous, i'm still waiting to hear if i can get it back. feel like they have their agents in my neighbours houses, and on clear days the satellites can see me from space. i just live with my parents in a remote village, i'm so bored but at the same time have no interest or motivation in things. this is hell.
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It can't help to be getting so little sleep when you're feeling this way already. Do your parents or doctors know how little sleep you're getting? Perhaps they could change your medication or suggest relaxation methods to help you unwind etc if they knew?
Reading your post, I also wonder if you're having any talking treatment at all? It sounds like you're getting lots of medication, but how aware are the doctors of how you're actually feeling? I get the sense that being able to talk more could really make a difference...
Keep posting here and let us know how you are.
Take care.
tempted to call doctor surgery and see if i can get anything else to help but they are really stingy when it comes to prescribing things.
i want to get a guard dog, i know it can't keep out the thoughts and feelings they transmit to my mind but it could keep me physically safe... and would be some company..
What medication have they given you. Is it worth trying to find a specific nurse, or professional that you trust? Are there any?
If you voluntarily go into hospital, you retain a lot more rights than if you end up there under a section, but i understand thats not an easy choice if youre getting a lot of paranoia. Kind of goes against the whole grain, I know.
What are you most afraid of?
Do you feel like you might be dangerous to yourself or others?
Im glad watching some shows helps to calm you down.
Zopiclone wont do anything if its adrenaline keeping you awake. Under normal circumstances youd be better with something like diazepam for that, but i dont know whats the best idea in this situation xx
This. Sorry, I typed in a rush and should have been clearer; if you could get a trained assistance dog that might help in the long run but at the moment they're pretty unusual in the UK and SCC is right that the emotional and physical energy to train a dog (let alone what could happen if you are admitted to hospital) would be a bit much,
I would echo everything SCC said, nowt more to add. Stay safe.
Do you feel theyre watching everybody, or just you?
I'm in a similar situation to you although not as severe, and my medication seems to be working at least a little. Intense feelings of paranoia are horrible, I feel watched on my way to school quite often and always feel there is someone in my house when I'm alone.
As Suzy said, is there anyone in the mental health team you can trust at all? It might be helpful for you if you can find just one person who could support you.
If someone had a magic wand and could take away all your problems, would you want them to or are you not in a place were you feel that getting better is an option right now?
I hope you managed to get some sleep in the end last night
feels like they are all there to be watching me inparticular.
i wish i did have some diazepam/lorazepam.
I called my gp surgery but was just fobbed off saying to contact the mental team cause i'm under their care (but i'm also under the gp care..!), so i called the team, at least talked to someone nice, but nobody has been in contact today.. my psychiatrist has obviously never had to deal with these kinds of thoughts/emotions/images cause if he did he would prescribe something to help...! i'm not impressed at all.
Samaritans will be a listening ear but it isnt proper therapy. Its certainly a good start though
The only people who will be able to prescribe you are doctors and psychiatrists.
Even if it was difficult it was a really amazing decision to make- and definitely a better plan than staying at home being depressed all day. I know how hard it is to do anything when you're feeling low or anxious, so you should be really chuffed with yourself for getting out and taking photos today!
i just took some B&W ones at the local park. i think the fact that its a sunny day helps.
This is awesome
I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to your PM - so just wanted to post here and say it's great to hear you're finding ways to distract yourself when the thoughts take over. As Suzy says, Samaritans is a good start for the complete absence of judgement when you call, but not a substitute for more in-depth support. I'm also wondering if you've tried SANE at all? I'm linking to their emotional support page so you can see the different options available - http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/
Continuing to post here is also massively welcome, and of course coming a long to live chat when the mood takes you
called shrink today about something else paperwork related and really wanted to say, listen i'm being overtaken by nasty thoughts, getting angry, want to smash things, etc etc but i think you are possibly the one doing this to me? you and your psychiatrist buddies.. some kind of weird telepathy or nanorobots in my body after taking antipsychotics t=now they alter my emotions and track me and you put them there. but afraid to ask for help in case hospital is brought up
It might be worth taking any opportunity where the paranoia isnt as bad to try and get the help then, and as i said before, if you dont feel safe, then it might be worth trying to go in voluntarily, because then you still retain your rights, whereas if they end up taking you in, then its harder xx
ii do have crisis team number but not fond of them, they seem so incompetant. i don't know eh it's so difficult. i hate it at psych ward don't think i could bring myself to go in there especially if the person i had an argument with last time is still there.
hmm hmmm difficult person alert meep meep out the way! aha