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tired of fighting (triggertastic)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Can someone give me some hope? please? I don't want to be around anymore. I know how and where, clinging on but only just.
yes, I'm crying for help. bite me.
yes, I'm crying for help. bite me.
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I don't know what you must be going through at the moment. Don't give up.
Have you been at work? What about the Samaritans or GP?
Been to GP, fuck load of use they are (dose me with happy pills and refer me to a counsellor who still hasn't been in touch after four weeks). But what can the Samaritans do? Listen. I'm tired of being listened to. Nothing ever fucking changes. I don't want sympathy I want to be someone else. Someone who isn't a complete loony.
Have you tried seeing the Samaritans face-to-face? There are a few branches in your area that you can drop in to, they make you a cup of tea and it's kind of different to talking on the phone to them. Most branches take visitors 9am-9pm but check with the branch. Maybe that could help whilst you are waiting for the counsellor?
Also if you are feeling suicidal (which is what I thought you were implying but forgive me if I got the wrong end of the stick) then you should ask your GP to refer you to the crisis team who can help you get through this time and they can see you around your working hours. Or if it is out of hours then go to a and e, there is always someone who can talk to you, even if they just calm you down a bit.
Another source of support for me in crisis is my church - the Salvation Army. They have really helped me, even kept me alive at times.
I know none of this is ideal, and ultimately - wherever you go, you will be there, you can't escape from your own mind.
Know that I am thinking of you.
I wish there was some capacity I had to help you. You can PM me or if you prefer talking you can PM me for my skype any time.
I think you're just great. In the years I've known you I have nothing but the hugest respect and admiration for you and even at times been intimidated by your ability to always give the impression of a leader who cares for those around him and knows how to look out for them.
It is not the same, not even close at all, but I have had some MH issues and guided meditation I have found can help. Miss Riot introduced me to it and I was surprised at the results. You can find tracks on youtube. It is something to think about.
You are not alone, we are here for you
This. You're one of a kind Arctic. I remember that one chat when I was in a bad way, and you talked to me and everything you said made so much sense and I knew that you knew how I felt. I wish I could say something of use, sorry *hug*
That's just...fantastic.
Rant in an email maybe and fire it my way (or someone else out of the loop to the rest of life) if it helps at all.
As a starting point - there is definitely a purpose in your life in the next few weeks, because I need somewhere to stop on my stupidly long drive in a couple of weeks.
You are an absolutely outstanding young man - you do brilliant things for others, pretty tirelessly and have mind boggling patience. I'm going to guess that currently things are pretty shit. As the old adage goes, shit happens. But there are the high points to. They're really hard to see at time, I know that from my experience, but they are out there.
Fighting is tiring - but it's really worth it.
Now, when did you last get your arse out on a run/cycle/gym? If I remember rightly, that helps you a bit, so make sure you're doing it.
Hugs.
If this helps arctic I can start badgering you to do a jog here and there
Went out for a ride on Sunday, didn't make any difference at all. Beer makes a bit more difference, at least if I'm half cut I can sleep. Sort of.
I'm exhausted. I've been fighting for the best part of twenty years. I don't really see why I should continue. I'm clearly going to lose. I've clearly lost.
You're still a Dad, no one can take that away from you. I didn't grow up living with my Dad as my parents divorced when we were very young but I still have a Dad, he is an amazing Dad I could never ask for more. I see him regularly, he is my first choice of where to go when I split up with my boyfriend / having a rough time / need to give a next of kin at hospital / also need diy doing, he pressure washed my garden patio on Saturday, he is amazing and I didn't grow up living with him.
On the other hand my sister-in-law actually did grow up without a mum, her mother killed herself when she was 4. She got married a few years ago and it was sad that she didn't have any living parents and her brother had to give her away.
I don't know the details of your situation exactly, but nothing changes you being a dad. It might be more difficult but 'sodbaby' will still love her dad as much as she ever did. A dad is simply irreplaceable. Speaking from experience.
Can you see your GP about not sleeping? Ive tried self medicating with alcohol in the past... thought it helped... but it makes it worse
I don't believe you have lost, or are going to lose. I don't know you as well as I'd like but what I do know of you.. I have so much faith in your strength. Even now when it's tougher than ever. We are here to support you xxx
There's a little girl I'm very fond of who's dad Stopped living with her ( phrased that way, because who moves where isn't relevant to a child). There was no way that stopped him being her daddy. Little (and big) girls hearts almost always beyond to daddy, wherever he might be, and that'll be the case for sod baby.you're a damn sight better father than this guy was, and still all I hear/heard was my daddy this, my daddy that.
You feel you've been fighting a long time, and it might be that long since it started, but it's not been none stop everyday for that long. It's hard to see, but overall the good bits are worth it.
This bit is shit, bit give things a chance to improve and you've got the strength to get there. First week back to work was going to be a challenge, especially this week if your uni dates are what I'm guessing, but next week you'll have got last the "just back"hurdle.
Just be easy on yourself and know we're here - this big family of people who half you've probably not even met in the flesh, but we do genuinely care about you.
I shall instruct G to give you a good man hug on my behalf (not that i'm a man, but i think he'd appreciate me telling him to give you a girly squeeze
Life throws crap at people. There will be time when we struggle, and then it is important to reach out to people- you have many people offering a pair of eyes or ears on here.
Here's another hug G can give to you *hug*
Keep fighting.
I think you should.
And then someone should catch it on camera.
It hasn't because it can't be. If anything the relationship has just been made even more important. It's for her that you will continue to fight because little girls will always need their 'Daddy".
I can't offer you solutions or answers, you know that there's only one person who can really do that. What I have learned over the years is that the thing you need is support from others to help you get to a point where you can fix yourself. I'm really sorry things have turned out like they have, but sympathy isn't really going to help and neither is self-pity - again deep down you know that.
You are in a really dark place right now, for many reasons, but the change in circumstances would hit anyone hard. I've seen the emotionally strongest crumble so you shouldn't be to hard on yourself. You are, in effect, going through a mourning process. Treat it as such.
All of this.
And you are not alone *hug*
How was today?
I suspect that you are doing one hell of a lot of thinking and analysis. Easy to say, but hard to do - Don't. It won't help and it won't change anything. Again, though you've been through all of this before so you know it all really and you came out the other side. You will again.