I think i'm a lesbian...

Former Member

Its weird i don t want to be a lesbian but its like i have no choice, I don't have sexual feelings for men! I can't help how i feel and i have never admitted i am but i just dont know if this is a faze im going through or its just who i am. Looking back i have only had crushes on women! I juts didn't realise it Anyone else the same?!

Former Member

Yeah, but I'm not a lesbian. Most people go through it

Former Member

Well that's good to hear! I hate how i'm feeling at the moment, its just really confusing as i feel like im never going to change how i feel about men and women

Former Member

What do you hate about it?

plugitin

I know the feeling of having no choice, but like JavaKrypt said, it may just be a phase. I found that time was a good thing to have when I first came face to face with the reality of not being attracted to men - you don't actually have to do anything with this piece of information until you are ready - as in start going out with women. You could even test the water and see if you really aren't attracted to guys by dating them.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I've been there, you don't have to act upon your only being attracted to women until you are ready. Sexuality can be fluid and I wouldn't try to box yourself in too soon - because you might meet a guy you're really interested in at some point in the future; afterall you fall in love with a person... not their gender.

I hope that helped

Former Member

plugitin wrote: »

afterall you fall in love with a person... not their gender.

:yes:

Former Member

I agree with what everyone else has said; it's totally normal to go through a period where you are exclusively attracted to your own gender, and it's totally normal for that to go on for ages / life!

Why do you say you 'don't want to be a lesbian'? Do you mean that simply in the sense that it's beyond your control, or are you saying that there is something about being attracted to women that you actively don't want?

Former Member

I just want to have a family and go out with a guy, dating women has so many complications, and you may be right it could be a faze im going through but its just hard to accept how i am at the moment,

Former Member

Dating anyone has complications.

Former Member

I know but my family would go crazy of the thought of a lesbian in the family, im just not sure if trying things out with women would be worth the trouble i would get back on me

Former Member

I'm a straight trans girl and once had crushes on girls. That was just a phase. So it could be a phase what you're going through or it may be just who you actually are. Anyway don't worry most lesbians are accepted by society anyway.

Former Member

While I want to be supportive. Don't be so dismissive about how accepted lesbians are Helen, maybe I should let it go, but frankly it's like saying most jews are accepted or most blacks. It is hard, but I've found it to be worth it, supportive attitudes can be found in the most surprising places.

My family for instance were about as epic as epic could be when I came out. But I've been on the receiving end of some abuse too, I was holding hands with my girlfriend and some guys shouted abuse.

I bet, on a personal note, that what you're going through with your gender dismorphia is rough as rough comes. But I know many many sex changers (?!), and they're good people, and happy people, and basically that's what it comes down to. Gay or straight, male or female, or somewhere strange and hard to describe in between, so long as you're true to yourself, you'll be alright.

Former Member

Looking back i have only had crushes on women!

I just want to have a family and go out with a guy

If the guy ever finds out your just with him because you don't want to come out how do you think he would feel? If you don't want to have to face coming out yet (even if this is because you think your feelings might still change) then the safest thing is to not get too serious with a guy, certainly not have a family. Keeping things casual will allow you to see how you feel around men and women, without worrying about what your family think (as they don't have to know).

I'm speaking from point of view of a man who gave up job and moved in with a woman who later came out. Hurt doesn't begin to describe it.

Former Member

Sorry to hear about your bad relationship, what i meant was that i want to actually like a guy and start a family like most people can as they have feelings for them but i cant because i have no sexual desire or feelings for men in general

Former Member

You can still have a family in a lesbian relationship.

Former Member

Fiend_85 wrote: »

While I want to be supportive. Don't be so dismissive about how accepted lesbians are Helen, maybe I should let it go, but frankly it's like saying most jews are accepted or most blacks. It is hard, but I've found it to be worth it, supportive attitudes can be found in the most surprising places.

My family for instance were about as epic as epic could be when I came out. But I've been on the receiving end of some abuse too, I was holding hands with my girlfriend and some guys shouted abuse.

Yup, I agree with Fiend.

Also, JavaKrypt is right; all relationships have complications, and can you be sure your family would accept any guy you brought home? There are loads of stories about families who have had a real problem with gay people until they realised they had a gay child. Living it Out by Sarah and Rachel Hagger-Holt is a really good resource; it's written for Christians but a lot of the issues raised are universal.

I know gay couples in all sorts of family relationships, all they have in common is that they have amazing kids who are really well-rounded and happy.

Former Member

well, I heard figuring that out is half the battle, so well done.