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How to get money back?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Need to wrack someones brains please!

I was renting a flat from a friend, and decided to move back to my parents, due to serious ill health. I gave my friend a months notice, and duely moved out, leaving the flat spotless. Since then, she has been cold towards me with short emails, not asking how I was (this has nothing to do with it really but just add it so you get the jist) and I have not seen her for over a month due, partly due to my ill health, but also because on one occasion we were meant to meet then she cancelled as she wanted to get her hair done, the second occasion when i suggested it and she couldnt make it.

Anyways, before leaving, i left my tumble drier in the flat and I rung her husband to ask how they wanted me to fix the holes in walls where i had my pictures up..(she asked me to do this saying he had no time to do it, I agreed to this saying no problem.) As he is a builder and I had no idea, I called him for some advice .. in the end he told me not to worry, he was going to paint the flat so leave it for him. At the same time, I asked him if he knew anyone who might want to buy my tumble drier, he told me not to worry, leave it there, they'd take it off me for the amount i wanted, which was 50 euros.

In an email to her a week or so later I told her that when she got the bills at the end of the month she should let me know what i owed and i would pay her for the electricity, water and phone. ( I add here, that we hardly speak by phone, our meetings are always done by email or sms...)

I heard nothing, so on realising she must have the bills by now, i emailed her saying that could she let me know what i owed, and i guessed that her husband had told her that he'd agreed to buy the tumble drier off me (she had mentioned nothing to me about it) and could they then pay me the difference which was 45 euros.

Earlier this week she asked did i want cash or a bank transfer. I know from knowing her for 6 years that she has a "bad memory" when it comes to these things, so for that reason I asked for the bank transfer...no excuse then, or so I thought! She said she would do it sometime this week.... I text her asking her to please do it sooner rather than later as I need the money for my holiday next week.

She says she had problems doing it and it wouldnt go through for whatever reason, but she'd keep trying until it did.

We then had plans to meet today for coffee and said she would give me the cash. but I had to cancel due to an unforseen problem.... i text her to say that and she said not to worry she was doubtful about meeting up anyways as she wasnt feeling well. but said she would do the bank transfer this afternoon....so I replied saying Ok, I would look out for it.

But, nothing has been paid to me... and in all honestly I feel that she has no intention to pay me. She has had the tumble dried for all that time and never come forward to me about paying for it.

I know from past experiences from things she has told me, that she has a bit of a vindictive streak in her, and I believe that because I left her flat, for whatever stupid reason, she has got it in for me. A couple of years back we had a bit of a fall out as I was ill with depression, she didnt understand this and she made a very insensitive comment towards me.. and to be honest, ever since then, i've never felt the same about the friendship, and feel that it never felt the same again. There has been a boundary there. At times I havent agreed with how she lives her life, how she is with other people, her views, I think she is quite envious of others, but have always let it pass, because it is her life, not mine! But now, this is affecting me as she owes me money.

I think she is putting it off to try and wind me up. I know how her mind works, one time she fell out with a girl in town, who her husband worked with, and she was telling him how to act towards them, in order to make their lives more difficult. This is no exaggeration!

What do I do? I know its not a lot of money, but its the principle and i'm a good natured person, i would never dream to not pay someone back, or leave them in the lurch.

Also the fact that i have been so unwell, and she hasnt bothered to see me or ask how I was.. she made an excuse to me (after i emailed her on facebook, telling her exactly what i was going through and what was wrong with me,) of not seeing my email, despite my seeing that she had been on facebook that week. This is not a friend in my book.

What should I do, just leave it,forget the money and drop her from my life?

Please dont suggest i go and speak to her, to be honest i am so angry about her behaviour and dont even want to see her nor speak to her.

Some advice from someone wiser than me would be great, Thanks!


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wowsers that girl sounds pretty mad!

    It sounds like what she is doing is kind of deliberate in that you have asked time and time again for the money and she has not done it, and cancelling a meeting to get her hair done is just insulting.
    If she wanted to pay it to you she could have done it quickly and taking about 2-4 minutes to do it, it is not such a huge amount of money but I can see how on principle it would annoy the hell out of you!

    If you cut her out of your life, stop chasing her up about it, stop asking her out and just basically ignore her the chances are she will give it back eventually when she realises the money isn't like a cat toy she can bait you with.
    Personally I would just cut her out, unfriend her on facebook, if she calls don't answer, if she emails never reply and block her number on your phone and she will learn that being nasty to someone for having the gall to move out of her flat will leave her dropped completely.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there,

    Thanks for posting your query. It does seem like a difficult situation. Not only are you out of pocket but your friendship is strained too.

    I think what SnuggleBubbles has suggested is spot on. You have to decide whether the hassle and stress of pursuing this money is worth it. As you say yourself it is only a small amount. It does largely depend on whether you want to pursue this friendship or not and only you can answer that.

    But before I give any further suggestions, I just wanted to ask where you are based. You mentioned Euro's in your post. We are based in the UK and therefore any further suggestions in terms of potentially following a legal route may not be of relevance to you. Let us know if you would like some advice on that side of things.

    You could, in the meantime, ask a question on askTheSite - http://thesite.org/community/askthesite/askaquestion
    An expert will respond to your question within 3 working days.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    meowmix wrote: »
    What should I do, just leave it,forget the money and drop her from my life?

    She does not want to pay your money. Forget your money. Drop her from your life, don't talk with her over phone, chat, Facebook etc... Wen she will notice your behavior, there may be two things - she will also remove you from her life or she will realize her mistake and will come back to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi thanks for your replies. i am in spain.
    as it turned out i took the bull by the horns and rang her husband, he did the transfer that day. he is the more decent of the two.
    not heard much from her, since then, i've been ill with anxiety (this started when i moved out and was partly the reason why i moved) cant remember if i mentioned it in my original post, and this has progressed to depression, after finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me! Really thought 2012 was gonna be a good year, how wrong i was...
    anyways she knew i was going away for a month to see the b.friend, never said anything about it, like have a good time or whatever, i've not contacted her, i have no desire to be friends with her anymore and am totally off facebook anyways cos it makes my anxiety worse... so just to say thanks to everyone for your kind advice as always. xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey meowmix,

    Thanks for your update. Glad you got your money back, albeit from her husband and not herself. Sorry to hear about the other downs, however, a huge up is that you're in Spain. The sun, sea + sand will do you some good. :)

    Have a great time!

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