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Another POF question to add to the list...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all,

Have noticed rather ironically that there is a flurry of pof/online dating queries about ATM, so am here to add mine to the list and get some objective views!

So I've had an online dating profile a while, pretty happy with how it's gone I've met a few people but nothing spectacular so had just got to the point of meh will move on from this when I started chatting to a guy who usually isn't what I would go for, but we started chatting and got on really well. Chatted for a couple of weeks over the Christmas period and then arranged a drink when I came back post holiday. That drink went amazingly well, we ended up chatting till I realised how late it was, he walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye on the cheek like a gentleman and asked me to let him know if I was interested in date two.

Said yes and we arranged a date for the following weekend, which ended up being Saturday night through to Monday morning at work, which we've now done a couple of times. All seems really positive, he seems like a decent intelligent character. He said he'd told his parents about the nice first date we'd had, he checked whether my mate that he'd met liked him, he did the whole "would be much nicer to stay here with you than work thing." we talk very well and very openly, he has said he's concerned about me having time for a relationship, said he's not one to play games etc. And not in a player talk-the-talk kind of way, I'm generally a good character and would recognise that.

Anyway, it then came to about three weeks ago when he was really busy, then going on holiday, and then I've been away this past week. During his first busy working week, I let him be and didn't text as I knew he was going to be crazy busy (working late hours etc) and from previous experience I know that he is generally quiet on texts when busy, though has always replied before. Sent him a text on the weekend before he went on holiday to see if he had time to chat before going on holiday, and he said he'd call the next day as he was leaving, which he did and we had a nice chat catching up on our weeks.

So he's been back since Monday, and I am also aware he had a busy work week this week with board meetings. So sent him a chatty hi how are you text on wednesday and got no reply. This strikes me as really odd and out of character- he has always text back before even if late. Sent another one-liner comment text (though not asking anything directly) about me having gone mountain biking a couple of days later, and then tried to call a couple of days later but didn't leave a message.

From my judgement of him, even if he had hooked up with someone on holiday I think he would have the decency and manners to let me know. Am trying to consider that he's just busy, but am still feeling a little stilted by it. And don't really know what to do next. really like the guy, and thought it was reciprocated!

My high school best friends and one of their boyfs have suggested sending this text later on in the week, but I don't know if it sounds too needy, so would appreciate your opinions. "hey, hope you're okay. I'm a little concerned that I've not heard from you in a couple of weeks. Things seemed to be going well, we had a good time and I enjoy your company. I am struggling a little with the lack of contact from you and feel like I'm being sent mixed signals. I'm sending you this text to try and find out what's going on. Hope to hear from you soon. "

If anyone has any opinions to add, I'd be grateful. Have some stress in other parts of life ATM so am trying not to let that influence my opinion but it's difficult!

Thank you in advance!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My personal opinion is that the text you're proposing might be a bit on the heavy side.

    He did sound like he was quite interested, but something is interfering right now. You don't have any obligations to each other, but sending that text implies that you do. If you're interested in continuing to see him, I'd wait for a bit longer and see what happens. If you don't get an explanation soon, maybe send something that's direct and assertive without implying that he owes you anything. "I have missed talking with you, but it appears that you're no longer interested. Thank you for some pleasant times. Goodbye."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with your opinion Jellygator. I think it would be polite of him to let me know though, which is mainly where my annoyance comes from. From how I read it, what you suggested to write sounds a bit more dismissive, so I might go somewhere in the middle and go "hey, not heard from you in a while, hope you're okay and was wondering if you were interested in another date at all, be great to know either way." I'd rather ask a question directly than be dismissive, especially if there is something interfering.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd agree. Your way sounds nicer. I'm a bit snarky like that. :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I left it for a while, then sent him that text and he finally got back, admitting that he was no longer interested but had been a coward and failed to tell me so. Good to be able to draw a line under it, but just in general annoying. Back to the drawing board :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hope you find someone else :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hated when that happened to me when I was online dating, but it more or less goes with the territory. Fortunately, there are plenty of other gents that will be interested in you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep - I think it comes with the fore and it doesn't nark me too much if it's done either after only exchanging a few messages, or after the first date. It does bug me when you've spent a reasonable amount of time together, could have got on well as friends, and just generally think that you could've done well with a bit of honesty!

    But yes, Jellygator, there are plenty of others. Though I'm wondering if that attitude means that there is less permanence when you meet someone who is quite good, but not perfect!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you're blowing this way out of proportion and he actually just lost his phone on holiday?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, unfortunately he actually admitted that he was being a coward and had just failed to have the courtesy to tell me he was no longer interested. Would you like me to print screen the text and upload? I would have preferred to have been blowing it out of proportion though :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, unfortunately he actually admitted that he was being a coward and had just failed to have the courtesy to tell me he was no longer interested. Would you like me to print screen the text and upload? I would have preferred to have been blowing it out of proportion though :)

    Was that directed at me?! It's ok, I believe you...

    Never mind, it wasn't meant to be. Plenty more fish in the sea as they say. :) (or on POF)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think some people seem to think that what has happened with this online date, is something new and due to the advent of internet dating. Not so; things exactly like this have been happening the world over well before the internet became so prevalent.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep - I think it comes with the fore and it doesn't nark me too much if it's done either after only exchanging a few messages, or after the first date. It does bug me when you've spent a reasonable amount of time together, could have got on well as friends, and just generally think that you could've done well with a bit of honesty!

    But yes, Jellygator, there are plenty of others. Though I'm wondering if that attitude means that there is less permanence when you meet someone who is quite good, but not perfect!

    I completely agree that after several dates it's a bit boorish, to say the least! But better early on to find out he's an inconsiderate type, I suppose.

    My opinion is that if either side is keeping an active profile up, then multi-dating or communicating is taking place and until those profiles are down, there's no reason for me to have any expectations or let them have any either. But that's just my take. Shrug.
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