Why can't i find a decent guy? Do i have sucker written all over my face?

Former Member

this is bullshit - everything happens for a reason.
if thats the case, why did my ex cheat on me. why did he tell me he loved me and then chose her. why cant i just find a decent guy.
i know im young. i am only 16 but i loved him. my best friend said we were perfect for eachother. i thought we were. i love him with all my heart. he was my first love. but was i the only one in love? did i deserve this?
i never saw him, he lives in somerset, i live in ilfracombe, 2 hours away. i miss him so much but i know i can never trust him.
all men fuck me about. are there any decent guys out there? i cant find any. is it to much to ask?
all i want is not to be fucked over by some guy that bullshits every second.

Former Member

Honey. SIXTEEN! You should NOT be worrying about boys at your age. (I say boys not guys because thats all they are at 16, boys). Im nearly 22 and im always being told im too young to be worrying about relationships, so if i am you definately are.

Worry about stuff like clothes and hair and make up and stuff, not if you're ever going to find a decent guy. When your 40 and have been single all that time, then its time to worry. For now, just enjoy being a teenager and being young because it doesnt last forever and you dont want to look back think 'wow, i just wasted all my time on him and for what?' If he doesnt care then neither should you

Former Member

It's easier said then done. I'm hurting. Real bad. I love him. How am supposed to get over him.. I'm lost. I'm scared. He's got my heart, I feel that without him i have no purpose. What's the point of living anymore.

Former Member

I know it is. I felt exactly the same way once about a guy. I only joined this site to look for help on getting over him. Seriously, i thought i would never ever would. Then after weeks of crying and feeling sorry for myself I suddenly thought what the hell am i doing? He is not worth your tears at all so dont waste them on him. The best thing you can do to prove you dont need him (and you know you dont) is to pick yourself up and move on and realise that if he's going to hurt you like that surely your life is better on your own than wasting energy being miserable

Former Member

I do need him though. I love him and I alway will. I don't hate him for cheating I'm just disappointed.. I don't know how long I can go on like this...

Former Member

You'll see it one day trust me

Former Member

You want him, but you dont need him.

Why do you think you need him?

Out of interest how many guys have you dated other than him, is he your first love?

Former Member

Well, Mario never found peach in the first castle.

*Holly*

Hi Looking4help

Whatever age you are, being cheated on feels like utter crap and you’re bound to feel rubbish for a while.

As well as dealing with the grief that the relationship has ended, you’ve also got the shock of it ending so quickly. And it’s natural to still love him, even if he did wrong. Feelings don’t turn on and off like a light switch which can be ruddy confusing.

But try not to think of his cheating as something you could have prevented/influenced/be in any way responsible for. He was the one who did wrong – try and remember that. He should be the one feeling bad and questioning himself, not you.

Unfortunately, as clichéd as it sounds, time is what you need right now. Time to bawl your eyes out, time to make bitter comments about him with your mates, time to heal. It will get better, but it doesn’t happen overnight. These two articles may help in the meantime...

Mending a broken heart
Accepting it’s over

As for worrying about not finding a nice guy – your fellow board users are right that your age may have something to do with it. But that doesn’t mean all 16-18 year-old boys are horrible cheats. There will be some good eggs out there. Could you perhaps look for boys in different places? Do you have any hobbies? Go to any clubs? If not, it might be worth broadening your horizons a bit.

Also, much as it’s great to be in a relationship, it’s not essential. And if there aren’t any potential nice ‘uns around at the moment, why not try working on the relationship with yourself? Spend time working out how to make yourself happy. That will put you in a much stronger position for potentially meeting someone new and worthy of you.

As I said though, the healing will take time. And the boards are here whenever you need them.

Massive hugs *hug**hug*

Holly

Former Member

big hugs. If he did that to you, then he was never the person you thought he was. There are a lot of people like that. The only thing that will help is giving it time, and being gentle on yourself. It probably wasnt easy for either of you if you never really saw each other. Most people will want someone they can actually spend proper time with, otherwise youre not always getting to know the real person

Former Member

G-Raffe wrote: »

Out of interest how many guys have you dated other than him, is he your first love?

ive been with 2 other people, but tbh i didnt love them.. so yeah he is my first true love

Former Member

thanks holly. i know its not essential. . but i do love him. . . i dont know what to do with myself because we were always texting always online to eachother and now i have nothing. where i live there arent any successful clubs or anything i am interested in so that wouldnt work either.

thanks everyone for your advice. seeing my friends today made me think maybe i dont need him but i just want what we had. hopefully ill find someone someday. but for now ill focus on my a-level work and slowly forget about him.

thanks again. x

Former Member

You mention that you love him, are you still *IN LOVE* with him?

A couple of my exs' I still love to bits, because they are lovely people and we parted on amicable terms, but it doesnt mean Im still IN love with them. You will heal and get stronger over time.

Former Member

G-Raffe wrote: »

You mention that you love him, are you still *IN LOVE* with him?

yeah. i am. at least i think i am..

Former Member

i remember being that age and heartbroken. Glad it happened now though.