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Standard break up thread. :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So this is a pretty standard one, it's not like I haven't been through it before, but it doesn't make it any easier.
It was the whole long distance thing, me be at uni in Leeds, her being down south. But we made it through the first year and more... we're seeing how we feel in a few days but I don't see it happening. I do love her though and I wish it wasn't like this.
It was the whole long distance thing, me be at uni in Leeds, her being down south. But we made it through the first year and more... we're seeing how we feel in a few days but I don't see it happening. I do love her though and I wish it wasn't like this.
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I'm sorry Ed *hug*
Definitely doesn't make it easier in the short-term, but longer term having been through this before can mean you feel more sure about your ability to bounce back.
Let us know how you get on after you've chatted, sometimes couples have time apart and then reconcile, but equally feeling like you're in limbo can be worse than anything, so if you do feel that way, then both being honest about your feelings is really important.
Be good to yourself.
One thing at a time.
Standard.
I know it'll get better eventually, the thing is I don't even know whats really happening at the moment...
Now it appeared to be her who was initially the one with the problem. When we're together, we are great, but then we'll spend too long apart, and recently when this happens it puts seeds of doubt in her mind, and she starts drifting away.
So I was the one who basically said, look this isn't right, you're not putting the effort in and we're never seeing eachother anymore, this isn't going to work. She agreed but said she'd like to leave it a few days to see how we both feel about it.
So I said ok, but I made it clear that for the time being we were over, at least until we re-assessed the situation in a few days. She then started saying that she wasn't aware we were officially over, and thought that we were still kind of together, just thinking about things.
Yesterday we were texting, and she suggested the idea of, maybe (depending on how things go in a couple of days) us seeing eachother again, on a mutual ground like back home (it's where we're both from and met, but she moved away about a year ago for family reasons and I moved to uni), where she would stay with a friend and we would meet up casually for coffee, something to eat e.t.c. over a weekend, as if we were dating, and then see how things go from there.
Now this does sound like a good idea, but the problem is, that wouldn't be possible for at least another 2 to 3 weeks. So even if things do go well in our chat in a couple of days, we'd have to wait at least 2 to 3 weeks for our first 'date' anyway, which just seems like dragging this out needlessly if it's not going anywhere?
But we do love eachother, and we both realise this when we're together having fun, so maybe it is worth trying for? Espescially as we've gone so far already with the long distance thing. I just don't want us going round in circles, with me putting the effort in, her having doubts, and then having the same conversation a few months down the line.
Now there's one more thing to throw into the mix. There's this girl at uni, who I've been texting. Now I admit, we did nearly have a thing a while back while I was in my relationship, which I'm not proud of and I'd moved on from. But recently we've been talking again and she's suggested going out for a meal. Now I do like her, and at one point a long time ago, I was thinking about her more than my girlfriend. But at this moment, she just seems like I'd be settling for second best. Even though she's always so nice to me and would probably show me more attention than my girlfriend (ex) has been anyway.
I don't know if that helps, but I remember you being crushed after the end of the girlfriend that I was referring to too and apparently you got over her. Just try to remember that you will get over this one too. I know a wound does not stop hurting when you think, "ok, enough now, wound! Stop it.", but you know it will heal eventually.
I have been wondering how you are getting on - when i read your first post I was going to suggest that you went out with the second girl who i remembered from earlier in the year - buttttt having read your last post I would say to put her off for a few weeks and to meet up with your current girlfriend and see how things go. I think you also need to be really clear with her what you want to change and why you think she isnt' putting in enough effort. When does she finish school and is there any chance she coudl move closer to you?
But you also have to remember that university is a pretty life changing time for lots of people and I dont' know many who's relationships survived.
Well we spoke about a week ago and it was basically decided that meeting up would be pointless, we have grown apart etc and things would just be easier this way. It's not entirely what I wanted, but if that's how things are going to go then it made sense.
I guess people change, espescially at that age, I can't stop that.
Anyway so it's been about a week since we had that chat, I've started seeing this other girl a bit more, and it's getting easier. But I still miss her alot and there are times when I just wish I was still with her. I'm going home this weekend which will be tough because of all the memories, and 9 times out of 10, whenever I got the train from Leeds, it was to see her.
Oh well, I'm getting there! Cheers for advice.