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Bizarre friend situation - best friends becoming best friends with my ex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys.
Ex from 15 months ago or something been out of my life for ages, all fine. I needed space, but then reconciled, and left the door open for friendship but she wasn't really interested. She never said anything untoward but just never talked to me / bothered with me. But now she's started talking to all my friends back home and hanging out with them when I'm away at Uni, which isn't so weird I guess (she knows them because of me), but in particular she spends the most time with my two closest friends who consoled me through the breakup which was particularly bad.
Neither bother speaking me to now! I mean sure if I talk to them, they'll reply, but if I dropped off the face of the earth would they notice? I'm not so sure anymore. I just feel like because my ex put up this passive wall, she's now 'ringfencing' my best friends into it too. I mean, its not her fault my friends are being dicks and not talking to me / bothering to catch up with me, if they can't be bothered then it either says something about what sort of friends they are or what sort of friend I am.
I do find it peculiar though how my ex has formed the closest bonds e.g. going out a few times a week to pub / round each others houses. With the two people I was previously closest to - the people I cried / moaned too when it was difficult. They were confidant to my feelings and my outlet and now they are closer to the object that caused it? Odd.
Oh, and it's not that I stalk them, it's that my friends every day post on facebook "Just been hanging out with [person], they're so awesome!
" and that ilk. Its only been like that for the last month or so, but they all act like best friends all of a sudden. The irrationally suspicious part of me sometimes speculates its some kind of conspiracy where they want to passive-aggressive make me feel crap so ignore me and spam about their buddiness with my ex. But that's beyond belief in honesty. But even only a modicum of respect would set off some alarm bells wouldn't it?
Ex from 15 months ago or something been out of my life for ages, all fine. I needed space, but then reconciled, and left the door open for friendship but she wasn't really interested. She never said anything untoward but just never talked to me / bothered with me. But now she's started talking to all my friends back home and hanging out with them when I'm away at Uni, which isn't so weird I guess (she knows them because of me), but in particular she spends the most time with my two closest friends who consoled me through the breakup which was particularly bad.
Neither bother speaking me to now! I mean sure if I talk to them, they'll reply, but if I dropped off the face of the earth would they notice? I'm not so sure anymore. I just feel like because my ex put up this passive wall, she's now 'ringfencing' my best friends into it too. I mean, its not her fault my friends are being dicks and not talking to me / bothering to catch up with me, if they can't be bothered then it either says something about what sort of friends they are or what sort of friend I am.
I do find it peculiar though how my ex has formed the closest bonds e.g. going out a few times a week to pub / round each others houses. With the two people I was previously closest to - the people I cried / moaned too when it was difficult. They were confidant to my feelings and my outlet and now they are closer to the object that caused it? Odd.
Oh, and it's not that I stalk them, it's that my friends every day post on facebook "Just been hanging out with [person], they're so awesome!
" and that ilk. Its only been like that for the last month or so, but they all act like best friends all of a sudden. The irrationally suspicious part of me sometimes speculates its some kind of conspiracy where they want to passive-aggressive make me feel crap so ignore me and spam about their buddiness with my ex. But that's beyond belief in honesty. But even only a modicum of respect would set off some alarm bells wouldn't it? 0
Comments
Sounds very suspect...is it possible she's hanging around with them in order to ostracise you? Splitting up with someone then spending loads of time with their friends isn't normal....
But in the past month or so she has become best buds with my two closest friends in particular (a boy and girl). So I don't know what's going on there. I understand they might want to hang out every now and again since we all used to hang out as a group and have great fun... but my ex has not spoken to me / anyone really since the split and has suddenly over 4/5 weeks got into a weekly pub / girly night routine with them.
To Kat - I don't know what my friends would say really, the guy we used to talk every night, then he stopped talking to me and a third friend told me it was because him and my ex went pub every week now and he had a soft spot for her. I jokily confronted my mate about it and told him I don't mind him going pub with my ex or whatever and he was pretty defensive about it and since then, still nothing. The female friend is one of these characters who is up and down but we've been good close friends for years, I've told her all my crap and she's told me all her crap. But in the past month she has been hanging out with my ex and making it sound like they're the best friends ever on FB. Girls do that anyway I guess lol. She'd be the kind to get really defensive and argumentative at being confronted
I wouldn't mind if they want to hang out with her. We all got along, and yea in some ways its weird for me but I can deal with that - its not my job to tell my friends who they can and can't be friends with! There's no hostility between me and my ex either, we resolved that and she just made the decision she didn't really want a friendship beyond the cordial 'nice to see you' kind of banter. The thing that bothers me is the way that since my friends have started hanging out with her, they have coincidentally stopped talking to me. I get it that back at high school, friends made other friends and you got left behind, thats fair enough. But these are mates I've had since I was 13/14.. so 9/10 years now. I don't remember any other times except when we've had fallings out that they have gone incommunicado on me.
I'll have to see how it goes, I've had other friends who went off to random unis and made new friendship groups that stopped talking to me and I just had to live with that. But the friends I've kept close all these years, just cuts a bit deep, especially the timing as soon as they become BFF with my ex. It feels like I've been replaced.
[ex]: Hello my dear, how are you? Are you doing something for your bday? If you are [male best friend] and me will come
[female best friend]: hey. prob just hang round ours, watch a movie, get in some take out or something. noting terribly exciting, it would be good to see you guys though.
[ex]: Cool, is 7 - 7.30 ok? We'll drop by xxx
[f best friend]: we'll prob order food then ish, let me no if u want owt. x
[ex]: I'll text you earlier in the evening if we do xx
[f best friend]: x
Made me annoyed and I felt like posting it here to share my indignation. Oh also, still not heard a peep out of them since xmas despite one or two stray messages from me online.
:mad: