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Do fuck buddy situations ever work out well?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, I'm a woman in need of an opinion of my fuck buddy situation.........
met a guy a few months ago while trying an online dating site, chatted for a few weeks, got on well so went out on a date. Wasn't best first date in world but kept in contact as we got on so well before the official date I put it down to nerves.

Anyway kept in contact, he went abroad, txt me loads while he was away and suggested meeting up again when he got back, txts turned into sexts and he asked if I would be up for fun when he got back. He was hot, i liked talking to him so agreed to meet up.

Met up a few times and had sex, he kept txting me, talking to me all the time in between seeing each other, wanting to know all about my family and my life not just sex talk, I started to really like him.

Conversations we had and the way he acted around me when we met up made me think he might actually like me too so I asked him what we were doing. He turns round n tells me he not got time for a relationship and we are just having fun.

Anyway I like him and enjoy the sex so decided I would try to be cool with just being fuck buddies and carried on having sex with him........turns out I definitely have developed some pretty strong feelings now.

My issue is he is totally confusing me, he will say he only wants to have sex and then when I see him he will cook me dinner, stare into my eyes all time in that "I really like you" way and generally behave in a bf manner. Never a case of wham bam cya later.

He also got really arsey when he thought I was going to see another guy for sex then when I told him the guy was just a friend he acted all cool again.

The last weekend we spent together was really good, we had a lot of fun, felt like it was turning into something more. But then he was awkward when we said goodbye the next day and now he has started backing off and stopped talking to me as much - it feels like he is trying to get out of the situation.

I also know he is still using the dating site we met on but I'm unsure if he has met up with anyone else or just talking to people.

I suggested meeting up again in x amount of days time (i did this to test the water and see if he was avoiding me) and he agreed to see me again and started texting me more often again. (We have yet to meet up)

SO in light of this, do you think I am completely mad for still wanting more? Should I just stop talking to him? Do I risk bringing up my feelings again? Has anyone got a fuck buddy story that actually ended well or does one person always have to get hurt? Help! :banghead:
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think youre mad for wanting more, but i dont think youre going to get it from him. I think hes going to break your heart.

    Fuck buddy situations are fine, as long as thats all BOTH people want. Not one person wanting a relationship and the other one refusing to commit, especially when hes being weird and giving you mixed signals when hes with you.

    id back off in this instance if i were you. avoid him before you get in any deeper
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd found out for definate what he wants out of this before you go any further. If he only wants sex then fid someone else to fool around with otheriwse you'll end up getting hurt
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you sure that he is actually single ...? People can pretend to be who they like on-line. He may genuinely really like you, but isn't free to commit to a relationship ... as in "my wife doesn't understand me".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies. I know I should probably give up on him and move on but find myself not wanting to.

    I guess I can't honestly swear he is 100% single but I am certain he isn't married. Have been to his house more than once, stayed over for whole weekends, he still lives with his parents (he is 25). We are also friends on facebook and I haven't seen any comments on there that would make me think he was in a relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got a bit of similar situation except I don't get anything from mine that would suggest he wants more than sex. The problem is that I have really strong feelings for him and it kills me when he ignores me or spends time with his female friends. I think the best solution for both of us is to get out while we still can.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got a bit of similar situation except I don't get anything from mine that would suggest he wants more than sex. The problem is that I have really strong feelings for him and it kills me when he ignores me or spends time with his female friends. I think the best solution for both of us is to get out while we still can.

    i'm the same here.. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do we get ourselves into these situations? So hard to remove yourself from it when you have developed feelings for someone :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confusedfb wrote: »
    Why do we get ourselves into these situations? So hard to remove yourself from it when you have developed feelings for someone :(

    Because I think the cliche is true: women can't separate love and sex. Or at least I'm one woman who can't. And we think we can change these people. We think we will be the one who will make them realise that they want more and they want more from us. And it never works out. So you spend all that time looking your best and running around after them and hooking up when it's convenient to them and making yourself miserable. And it's for nothing. We need to find decent men who want proper relationships and who will treat us the way we are meant to be treated!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confusedfb wrote: »
    Why do we get ourselves into these situations? So hard to remove yourself from it when you have developed feelings for someone :(

    i know :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because I think the cliche is true: women can't separate love and sex.

    I don't really think that is true, I think women and men are both pretty capable of separating love and sex when they want to.

    The problem with FB situations is that often one party doesn't want to. If you want someone you end up doing things to try and be with them, when perhaps it would be better if you don't. It's tempting to think that if you're having sex with a man you love at least you have some sort of relationship with him, but it really doesn't work out like that.

    In FB situations where both people just want sex they work out fine. I'm skeptical about how often it is when both people just want sex, I think there's often one party (not always the woman, either) who wants a bit more but will take what they can.

    Sadly I don't think FB situations work out well because there is no incentive for them to work out well. The person with feelings will continue to have sex and run around after the person without feelings. Therefore the person without feelings gets all the benefits of a relationship- the sex, the company- without any of the responsibilities of a relationship. Why would they buy the cow, as it were, if they're getting the milk for free?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because I think the cliche is true: women can't separate love and sex. Or at least I'm one woman who can't. And we think we can change these people. We think we will be the one who will make them realise that they want more and they want more from us. And it never works out. So you spend all that time looking your best and running around after them and hooking up when it's convenient to them and making yourself miserable. And it's for nothing. We need to find decent men who want proper relationships and who will treat us the way we are meant to be treated!!


    Spot On! :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am definitely guilty of thinking I can change my fb and he will one day suddenly realise how great I am. Never going to happen though. I have purposefully avoided having any contact with him for nearly 2 weeks and guess what......he hasn't bothered trying to contact me either. Surprise surprise, says it all. I'm sure I will hear from him again next time he has a free house :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confusedfb wrote: »
    Why do we get ourselves into these situations? So hard to remove yourself from it when you have developed feelings for someone :(

    Theres a definite attraction when someone seems that bit more unobtainable. I'm in a half way similar situation - met a guy online, met up, nothing happened but we hung out as mates every now and then, I liked him but he was pretty rubbish at keeping in touch. Then we both ended up in relationships with other people and I kind of got over my attraction. Then those broke up and we started seeing each other again, things got a bit more serious and now I'm kind of smitten but he's being an arse. I suspect if he was available and interested I wouldn't be!

    I has a big chat with a friend about it and we both agreed that the less easy and contactable and keen a guy is the more we seem to think about them and therefore like them.

    I'm trying to distract myself with other blokes :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sooo true! I'm always drawn to the bad boys who play it cool and seem unobtainable too! Never interested in the "nice" guys that constantly tell me they like me! Guess we like the thrill of the chase!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's hard because you tell yourself "fuck him, I deserve better" and you're resolved that's it and then, the next time you see him, your feelings take over again. You text and he ignores you for ages, doesn't speak to you in public, talks openly and almost flirtingly, with other women and you just feel crap. Then when he does text you, weeks or months later, you tell yourself not to reply but you always do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yup! The worst part is my fb is adding new girls to facebook regularly and I know they are just more women he has met on dating site. He states he not slept with anyone else apart from me for nearly a year but he seems to add a heck of alot of women to facebook that he doesn't actually "know". Seems he is playing us all! :/
    And yet I still can't stop liking him..........so frustrating. I'm really trying though, not text him for 2 weeks and have seen him on msn in that time but just blocked him so I'm not coming up as online and he can't speak to me/I won't know if he is ignoring me. Yet I'm reluctant to delete him! I need my head tested I swear :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm right there with you!! But I have resolved, as of today, that there will be no more contact initiated by me. I won't text, or comment on his FB or anything. I won't go and sit with him at work, even though other girls do and I find myself thinking that I should go and sit there just to make my presence known, and I will see what happens.

    I did this once before and he did come back and text me but then I made the mistake of appearing over-keen and he dropped me again. Won't make that mistake again!! Aloof and unobtainable. And then, when he does come back, must say no...but doubt I will... :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seems we are v similar haha!

    I find myself thinking hmmm what if I become a total gym bunny for 2 months, make myself look super hot and then invite him over, maybe he will change his mind about just being FB.

    Totally ridiculous, I know he is just a player and that there is nothing wrong with me and if he thinks there is then he isn't worth my time anyway. Just common sense flies out the window everytime I speak to him. Bloody men. I'm also a little miffed that we have gone almost 2 weeks without speaking and he hasn't txt me to see what is going on and if I have fallen off planet! We have never gone this long without talking before. I know he will be online in next few days so either I'm going to end up caving and talking to him then feeling disheartened that he not even missed speaking to me or I'm going to continue to ignore him until I stop caring about him and get him out of my head. We shall see if common sense prevails...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because I think the cliche is true: women can't separate love and sex. Or at least I'm one woman who can't. And we think we can change these people. We think we will be the one who will make them realise that they want more and they want more from us. And it never works out. So you spend all that time looking your best and running around after them and hooking up when it's convenient to them and making yourself miserable. And it's for nothing. We need to find decent men who want proper relationships and who will treat us the way we are meant to be treated!!

    wow, you really got that right. I have just entered my first buddy arrangement. I was suppose to be an ONS... but 6 months later we are still going. Its true what someone said in this thread about being attracted to the "unobtainable"

    The real issue here is self-esteem. Even though Mentally we know its just suppose to be about sex. Emotionally, we feel that when he wants us and is chasing us that we are worth something; that we mean something; we are sexy and powerful. But we feel like rubbish afterwards when he disappears or is obviously talking to other girls, and we realise we meant nothing at all. We make promises to ourselves we are never going to respond to texts, calls etc... but we end up caving because of that buzz you feel when someone desires you. Its a horrible cycle of excitement, and defeat.

    Im thinking if I can work on myself.... my self worth. Maybe I'll have enough strength to resist him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    missygee wrote: »
    wow, you really got that right. I have just entered my first buddy arrangement. I was suppose to be an ONS... but 6 months later we are still going. Its true what someone said in this thread about being attracted to the "unobtainable"

    The real issue here is self-esteem. Even though Mentally we know its just suppose to be about sex. Emotionally, we feel that when he wants us and is chasing us that we are worth something; that we mean something; we are sexy and powerful. But we feel like rubbish afterwards when he disappears or is obviously talking to other girls, and we realise we meant nothing at all. We make promises to ourselves we are never going to respond to texts, calls etc... but we end up caving because of that buzz you feel when someone desires you. Its a horrible cycle of excitement, and defeat.

    Im thinking if I can work on myself.... my self worth. Maybe I'll have enough strength to resist him.

    So true! Mine emailed me completely out of the blue one day and I had never even given him a second glance before. But because I had been single so long and he was so obviously flirting with me and found me attractive it was a major buzz. I can't believe now that someone I never looked at twice at before, by ignoring me, can cause me such utter misery :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have sex with some of my friends, and we've been friends for years- works for me with those people. strictly fb situations don't seem to work out so well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck buddies only ever work if you can keep your emotions seperate, other than that you're fu*ked! ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah but, I LOVE my friends so it's not a problem if I love them mentally and physically, the physical stuff is a bonus.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're v lucky that you are in a good friends with benefits situation then :)

    I clearly suck at it lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm currently in one fb situation that isn't working out too well. Probably because I can't stand the person but have a massive amount of sexual chemistry with them, but nothing else. Other than that one person causing a bit of emotional unrest, yeah, it's all ok, fun, seems normal to me. Just a part of our friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I clearly suck, I totally caved and unblocked him from msn. On the postive side as soon as I came online he messaged me literally 2 seconds letter and he had actually realised I had been MIA so clearly he notices when I dissapear!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They do for a while, but you have to understand that there is a time limit to these things. Usually 2 months or so.

    Then you just have to move on and find new ones.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, my fuck buddy told me he now has a girlfriend after declaring to me the reason he didn't want to date me a few months back was due to not having time for a relationship! To say I am hurt and pissed off is an understatement.

    I can honestly say I will never be a fuck buddy again. I feel seriously worthless now, he has totally made me feel like I am not good enough for him :(

    I only have myself to blame though............just wish I didn't have feelings for him :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They do for a while, but you have to understand that there is a time limit to these things. Usually 2 months or so.

    Then you just have to move on and find new ones.

    Depends how often you have sex.

    I had quite a long term fuck buddy when I was single, was only every few months or so, but lasted a while.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confusedfb wrote: »
    Well, my fuck buddy told me he now has a girlfriend after declaring to me the reason he didn't want to date me a few months back was due to not having time for a relationship! To say I am hurt and pissed off is an understatement.

    I can honestly say I will never be a fuck buddy again. I feel seriously worthless now, he has totally made me feel like I am not good enough for him :(

    I only have myself to blame though............just wish I didn't have feelings for him :/

    That is the ultimate kick in the teeth...because then you start asking yourself what is so wrong with you that he couldn't have wanted that with you? You find it hard to rationalise that someone could fancy you enough to sleep with you and yet doesn't want anythng else from you. If I sleep with someone, I'm looking for it to go somewhere.
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