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If only I could believe you. I really do feel like a complete and utter failure at, well, pretty much everything. I feel like a fraud and that my family and my employer will find out any day now...
I'm pretty sure however much of a bad day you've had at work, then there's at least one of your clients who feels slightly better, slightly less confused, or is slightly more sorted out then they would have been otherwise without your input.
Ditto your little on, you simply existing is a fab thing in her eyes.
Asking for help isn't admitting failure by any stretch, in fact as I suspect you well know, it's probably harder than carrying on without, but you probably also know (deep down somewhere) that things might just get a bit easier if you do.
xx
Just wanted to mention, I think you come across on here so confident, well-spoken, intelligent and all that good stuff; that is the you on the inside. It is so difficult to believe in yourself I know, but just wanted to let you know that's always been my impression of you; I used to be intimidated of posting on any of your threads when I was about 17, hehe.
I think the Church thing is a good idea. I don't know about your church community, but mine are so lovely and friendly. I know it is a self esteem issue with you but next time you feel down, remember you have a lovely wife and baby at home that think the absolute world of you.
Take care, Steph x
At least you have something to take as a reminder that you know you're loved and wanted, even if you don't feel it.
xx
Church counselling services tend to be pretty good (although they are 'just' counselling services, not psychiatric, I know you know that it's for others' benefit!). Likewise, your pastor has a certain obligation (and, ideally a little training) so will probably serve you well as someone to have-tea-with-and-rant-at!
If you go to your GP it probably wouldn't do any harm to ask for him to get the CMHT to check in with you.
It might not seem it right now but if I think back to when I first joined the boards, you're unrecognisable. You've achieved astonishing things - not least a gorgeous daughter who charms strangers! - don't underestimate yourself.
I seem to be in 'Trisha' mode today, hope that's not too sickly!!!
Just what the fuck is wrong with me? Everyone else can manage to control their anger, why the fuck can't I?
But I know how you feel, I constantly worry and I am lonely, even though I'm married I'm stuck in a place with people I don't know nor feel I can trust. Hell I'd love to pop out for a pint etc, but don't have anyone to do it with.
I'm gonna read this thread and keep an eye on it. Maybe it'll help me, but it seems at times, being I'm a family can be lonely as Fuck.
you're really too hard on yourself
Possibly. Probably.
You know when I'm ion a foul mood and harsh on here? My internal monologue is like that all the time. Except I'm not joking.
"Hi, my name's Arctic Roll and I'm a fucked up Borderline. Please don't go. Please."
It might work!