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Eurgh. (total rant)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just needed to get everything out, bit of a rant, sorry guys.
So, I split up with R in August. A few weeks later, met a guy called C, who I'm still with.
But things just go from really bad, to perfect relationship. I can't take much more of it!! I see him Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday (most weeks) as he works from Monday till Wednesday. And from Monday till Wednesday, he ignores me. Like, he wont answer his phone, he wont text me back, and it pisses me off SO much. But then when I see him Thursday, it'll all be okay again, like nothings happened. :mad: It does my head in.
And, he wont let me meet his parents. Well, obviously they've met me, I'm always at their house, but as soon as I get there me and C go straight upstairs. I asked him yesterday if I could meet them properly, but he said I don't need to. I then said I'd write them a Christmas card, and he said that I shouldn't because it wouldn't make a difference to them knowing me. He wont even hold my hand or anything in front of his family. It's like he's embarrassed about me. I really do want to get to know his family, to prove to them that I am nice, and not just some total slag
I mean, what must they think? When all we do is go straight to his room, and stay there till I go home.
There are so many other things that he does that upset me as well. He hasn't got me a christmas present, but he's got one for his sisters boyfriend (who she's been with for like 2 months.) I've spent £15 on him, more than I've spent on any one else, and he isn't even going to like that I've got him. When I bought them, I thought he would like them. But yesterday we were talking about shops, and he was saying how much he hates top man- and his presents are from top man. So I said "Well, the things I've got you are from there" and he said "Oh well, I'm sure I can find someone to give them to" I spent bloody AGES picking those things. Can't even take them back, as I took the labels off.
Then to top it all off, R messaged me on facebook the other day (using his twins account, I've blocked him.) Saying that he wants to meet up in the new year to sort stuff out, as it ended pretty badly. He doesn't want to get back with me, he has a girlfriend, but I'm really worried something will happen when we meet up... and I don't want things to be ruined with C.
Making that worse as well, there's a guy called J who always sends me really flirty texts. I'm sick of it, it makes me feel really awkward. He's about 20, and I've never met him... I never flirt back, and yesterday I got C to text him saying "stop flirting with my girlfriend." But I was good friends with J, and still wanted to be friends with him just minus the flirting, and now he wont speak to me.
Oh, and I had to take my pill an hour early yesterday as I was going into town with my uncle... and now I'm worried about being pregnant. Sounds stupid I know, as it was only an hour early, but I'm still worried about it
Sorry for the rant guys, just really really needed to get it all out. x
So, I split up with R in August. A few weeks later, met a guy called C, who I'm still with.
But things just go from really bad, to perfect relationship. I can't take much more of it!! I see him Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday (most weeks) as he works from Monday till Wednesday. And from Monday till Wednesday, he ignores me. Like, he wont answer his phone, he wont text me back, and it pisses me off SO much. But then when I see him Thursday, it'll all be okay again, like nothings happened. :mad: It does my head in.
And, he wont let me meet his parents. Well, obviously they've met me, I'm always at their house, but as soon as I get there me and C go straight upstairs. I asked him yesterday if I could meet them properly, but he said I don't need to. I then said I'd write them a Christmas card, and he said that I shouldn't because it wouldn't make a difference to them knowing me. He wont even hold my hand or anything in front of his family. It's like he's embarrassed about me. I really do want to get to know his family, to prove to them that I am nice, and not just some total slag
I mean, what must they think? When all we do is go straight to his room, and stay there till I go home.There are so many other things that he does that upset me as well. He hasn't got me a christmas present, but he's got one for his sisters boyfriend (who she's been with for like 2 months.) I've spent £15 on him, more than I've spent on any one else, and he isn't even going to like that I've got him. When I bought them, I thought he would like them. But yesterday we were talking about shops, and he was saying how much he hates top man- and his presents are from top man. So I said "Well, the things I've got you are from there" and he said "Oh well, I'm sure I can find someone to give them to" I spent bloody AGES picking those things. Can't even take them back, as I took the labels off.
Then to top it all off, R messaged me on facebook the other day (using his twins account, I've blocked him.) Saying that he wants to meet up in the new year to sort stuff out, as it ended pretty badly. He doesn't want to get back with me, he has a girlfriend, but I'm really worried something will happen when we meet up... and I don't want things to be ruined with C.
Making that worse as well, there's a guy called J who always sends me really flirty texts. I'm sick of it, it makes me feel really awkward. He's about 20, and I've never met him... I never flirt back, and yesterday I got C to text him saying "stop flirting with my girlfriend." But I was good friends with J, and still wanted to be friends with him just minus the flirting, and now he wont speak to me.
Oh, and I had to take my pill an hour early yesterday as I was going into town with my uncle... and now I'm worried about being pregnant. Sounds stupid I know, as it was only an hour early, but I'm still worried about it
Sorry for the rant guys, just really really needed to get it all out. x
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Comments
Stupid question, but how old is he?
And, he's 17
I'll post in more detail about your actual post later, but I know how hard it is to let go of someone like this.
*hug*
It sounds like things are very much on his terms with C. Relationships should feel like being in a team of two, the both of you being on the same page and working together. You mention that you know it's not right but you don't want to leave him. If you know things aren't right then maybe think about what you would like to happen to feel better about things?
It may be that you need to talk to C and let him know you're unhappy and that if things don't get better you might not be able to carry on. This doesn't have to be a dramatic statement but just letting him know how you're feeling. The thing is with this kind of ultimatum is that you need to try and follow through with it if things don't improve which is really scary when you love someone
Ultimately only you can decide what to do but just remember that you do deserve to be happy and loved and appreciated in the same way that you feel for him.
If you're not sure about meeting up with your ex yet then it's ok to say so, you can chose if this is something you want to do and when you want to do it and if you're worried that something might happen then maybe you need a bit more time and space away from each other?
And finally with the pill, try not to worry, if you're in any doubt just make sure you use extra protection for the next 7 days. Also, take a look at our articles on missing a pill:
http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/safersex/contraception/faqmissingtheprogestogenonlypill
http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/safersex/contraception/faqmissingthecombinedpill
Hope you have a good Christmas, and although C says he doesn't like Topman, maybe when he sees what you got him he'll change his mind
I'm going to see him in a bit... It should be alright. But then we aren't seeing each other for about nine days, as I'm off to my dads etc.
I've tried talking to him about how unhappy I am, but he doesn't really care... he's told me before that he likes making me cry, because it makes him feel "big". The amount of times I've told him I'm leaving, but I just can't do it. He'll be laying in bed, and I'll be sitting on the floor crying, with my coat and shoes on. I'll say "I'm going" and he just says "Fine, that's your decision, but if you go you're never coming back."
When I left R, it was because we kept arguing... and I regret it. Because I know things would of got better, and I just don't want to make the same mistake with C I guess
eta: One of my best friends spent 4 years with a guy like that, he was possessive, controlling, got off on upsetting her (he had some weird causing pain/making girls cry fetish), would constantly text her on nights out and all her friends and family hated him, but then sometimes he'd be a 'perfect' boyfriend and treated her like a princess and spoiled her rotten - which is why she put up with it for so long. She says she regrets not ending it sooner. She finished it nearly 2 years ago, she's now happy and engaged to someone else. I know you're alot younger but it just proves if you bite the bullet and get it done with, the worst of it's then over and you can start moving on.
Seriously, I could go into so much detail about why this whole situation is bad news because I've been there (not as bad, admittedly, but I was pretty infatuated and he was a manipulative dick who had me wrapped around his little finger and still does, to an extent, after more than six years since I last saw him). You need to get out asap. I'm not going to go into details on here because he does still read this place, but if you need anything, just PM me, ok?
Forgive my bluntness here but having just read that he sounds like a complete tool....
Arguments happen and people can move past them, but it sounds like he's going out of his way to hurt you and do you really want to be with someone like that?
I think I'm going to have to seriously assess the situation... I'm going to my dads after xmas, as I said, so might be good to have so breathing space I guess x
I know
You'll be absolutely fine without him, I promise
:yes: you never see a lonely old woman wishing she'd stayed with a guy that treated her like shit when she was 13 do you? Seriously, you're 13, no one any age needs to deal with this let alone a 13 year old. I know you're mature for your age but still, teenage years are for hanging with friends, doing stupid things and not having much responsibility, not fretting over boys. Have some time on your own to deal with your self esteem, because right now I think you're defining self worth and happiness as being in a relationship, even if it's a bad one. It's not true :no: enjoy being a teenager and focus on yourself, worry about guys in a few years (and even then it's not really worth it).
I've told him that if he ignores me while I'm away then it's over, and he said fine. So, I guess it's probably over
That's not an excuse. If a person doesn't care about making you cry, which should affect ANYONE, even those who never had any human contact for 10 years, because it is an instinct and ingrained that crying is related to pain, has serious issues. I know you had a shit childhood and one could probably find very good evidence why you are in such relationships, but amateur psychologist strubbles says you crave status, because you feel negative about yourself. you want a guy with power, you don't want to be alone, because you identify your self-worth through the person you are together with.
Which is, easily explained, pretty shitty. If you can't learn it by yourself you might really consider trying psychotherapy. I understand that you can't feel you can leave him, and if you do you will just end up with the next ass. You need to make more serious and grave changes to your life than just the choice of your boyfriend.
I am not going down the "you are just 13" route, because growing up was (forcefully) accelerated for you, by being dependent on your own from time to time, because of your parents situation, by being way to soon into dating and sexual relations, not always voluntary, and other reasons, but seriously, changes have to be made. This is just going to repeat...
firstly, you know what i think hun, ive told you many times.
however you need to stop giving him chances.. you keep saying "if he does this, it is over..." and he keeps doing it, surely this should tell you something, ditch him hun, enjoy life, be a kid, worry about guys, sex n stds later... play with barbies and ken dolls for now :P
honestly you know what i mean.. *hug* *hug*
He was texting me last night (I really hope he was drunk) telling me he loves this guy (who he used to be friends with)... I really didn't know what to say. The texts were like
"I miss Joe, I need him. He loves me" and I was like "Are you gay?" and he said he's not, but he loves Joe and that I wouldn't understand.
I told him to text me in the morning when he was sober, and he said he was sober. But, he's homophobic, he hates the fact I'm bisexual. So, I don't think he's gay I mean, he can't be.
going to echo other people's opinions here and say I think you would be better off without him- shouldn't be hard to find someone who treats you nicer than he seems too.
With regards to his texts, maybe he was drunk, or maybe his "homophobic" nature is him being defensive and not wanting to admit to thoughts he is having about his sexuality? I don't know though as I don't know him but it could be a reason. Do you know the Joe he is on about?
The other part over the texts... that's a hard one to read. It could just be what StubblesS has said.
He was really drunk yesterday (as was I) and there was a rather drunk phone call. I can't remember exactly what was said... but I've tried texting him, and he's ignoring me again. I'm going to leave him to it, I don't care any more. If he wants me then great, but I'm not being some abused girl again. I can't go through it again, I really can't.
this. The guy sounds like a huge dickhead. Get rid of him, be single for awhile and start working on your self esteem and self worth. you deserve a happy relationship. when you love yourself and respect yourself then blokes will too.
and I'll kick him in the male office toy area
Everyone has already said all I can say is that he's really not worth it...if he's treating you like this he deserves to be castrated...
pm me if you need to talk*hug* *hug*
that gives us quite a posse now
Now we just need a van, a sack and an old warehose