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I feel so left out sometimes
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm feeling pretty useless something bad happened all I can think about is that. I can't concentrate I have my final footie match today and I think I will fail and I'm the leader of it. I know it could probaberbly be neerves but there are so much on my mind it's killing me inside...... At the moment I'm feeling ery suicidal I've done a few cuts and tried to stop myself after tthe fith one I feel cold but have several jumpers on I went to the Dr yesterday because I had a asma attack when my Father had left the room I talked to the Dr about how I was feeling he said he was verry concerned about me......I should get help, when my father got back he spoke to hhim about the stuff I said my Father turned and looked at me in disapointment like I did something wrong. I told him I was sorry he gave me the silent treatment till I came home. He had told my Mother. My Mother sent me to my room and later she came up wiith a bamboo stick and started hitting me till I was crying she told me to show my arms I really didn't want to she hit me said it again I showed her the several cuts she hit my arms below are some of the phrases she had used
-Your useless
- Go kill your self
- You make me sick
- The sooner your dead the sooner we celebrate
- We found you on the door step
- Your ugly
- Get out my life
Just by saying those lines she hurt me I know there just words but it was scary.
She told me if I ever seek help I'll be dead! She left my room after she had finished I snook out the house to go foor a jog to geet it of my mind but I get scared just looking at her
Ii am unsure of what I should and shant do I feel like everyone is against me everyone hates me and all I'm so confused on what to do I don't want to tell a social worker as I wish not to be taken away. I just don't know what to do besides kill myself why I shant I? :crying:
-Your useless
- Go kill your self
- You make me sick
- The sooner your dead the sooner we celebrate
- We found you on the door step
- Your ugly
- Get out my life
Just by saying those lines she hurt me I know there just words but it was scary.
She told me if I ever seek help I'll be dead! She left my room after she had finished I snook out the house to go foor a jog to geet it of my mind but I get scared just looking at her
Ii am unsure of what I should and shant do I feel like everyone is against me everyone hates me and all I'm so confused on what to do I don't want to tell a social worker as I wish not to be taken away. I just don't know what to do besides kill myself why I shant I? :crying:
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Comments
I think what could be good is looking through these old threads if you can find them as people have offered you a lot of advice in the past regarding your troubles, its not likely, but also not impossible that massive swathes of new advice is going to appear.
What is happening to you is wrong, I'm pretty sure you know this, and unless something is done about it then it will keep on happening. No matter what people say to you, it is not your fault and you shouldnt have to suffer this.
I don't think we can answer this question for you. As much as i know you are hurting at the moment, you still remain in control. I don't want to come across nasty but i think you need to try to help yourself a little.
what is your GP doing to help you further?
Oh....My Dr transfering me to placeses and making me speak to trust me I do try and help myself but I'm just useless and pathetic...:crying: He also gave me some medicine that I can't have so I'm going back to him on monday. which I really don't want to!
Things like this are difficult for me to comment on as Ive not experienced it.
Is it the fasting that means you cant take the medicine?
Plus nobody can make you speak, but if you are going to councelors then its in your best interest to talk to them. You dont have to tell them everything all at once, just what is comfortable, but if you dont talk you wont get the benefit.
You mentioned that you thought your councillor found you annoying? I doubt they do to be honest, they will deal with a lot of people who have been through similar situations to yourself, the only think I can think of that might annoy them (but they wouldnt show any annoyance to you) would be if you told little white lies here and there to stretch the truth.
Councilling only works if you talk, and if you tell thr truth. Otherwise you are wasting your time, their time, and making it clear that you are not that dedicated to wanting help.
I did not take that in a nasty way... I know what I've posted to just felt really low when I was writeiing that.
I will go searching for my old threads see if I can finnd any of them....:)
I think the last point you made "this isn't your fault" is incorrect as obviously it is, I got born and shant have I know we can not choose whoses whomb to develop in or shose body wwhere going to be pushed out of....I got given life and I've had so manyy chances of ending it, but I'm scatred of hell fire...:crying:
Saying "It just is" isnt an answer.
It isnt your fault the way people treat you, no matter what you have done, they still have the choice if they should act or not act the way they do towards you.
I think it is good that you will look at some of your old threads from when you used different usernames, but be genuine and actually look at them. You have been on here long enough and been given enough advice that in the past you have ignored again and again, and then wondered why people get annoyed when you keep on going on and on, when people have infact allready tried to help you.
I don't lie to the counciller and I don't eat the medicine as I am alergiked to it. I'm not the sort of personn that speaks alot harderly... I talk sometimes, I try and talk to the counciller but it seams so hard theere something stopping me...:(
I will look. I'll tell you how it's my fault later after prayer x
No you wont, I have asked you this question before and you dodged it.
No matter what you do, other people are still responsible for their behaviour and actions. You getting beaten with a bamboo stick is not your fault, the people who did it still chose to do it, they could have stopped if they wanted to.
Like I said, no form of abuse is your fault at all, and until you understand that I dont think the advice in here is going to help you.
Every new user you come up with on thesite, gets pretty much the same advice, but you never seem to want to listen, and perhaps that is your problem.
What's my burkha got to do with this? I do not see that realavant and I'm reading at hone I only need to do urdu where clean cloths and where a head scarf. I'm not in Saudi at the moment so I do not need to go out to pray.
Whats Saudi got to do with it? More muslims in the world than just saudi, and you told us you were from Bangladesh.
I was asking about the Burkha because im genuinely interested in how different people practice their muslim faith in different ways.
Only need to do Urdu? I thought that was a language and not an act of prayer?
Urdu is also when you wash your hands arms feet face hair ears and so on in a certain pattern you have to remember and for the burka I'm not going out to read it so a long nighty will do with a head scarf covering all your hair...x...:)
I am from Bangladesh....And I meant I'm not in saudi arabia meaning girls and boys are not all load to the mosque at this hour x
Actually, it's wudu not urdu (which is a language.)
Woahhhh back track.... your doctor gave you medicine which you are allergic to? :chin: Have you told them?
:yes: yes of corce why wouldn't I?
Yeah but it makes me sick the taste and smell he got me to talk to someone as well...who I am.
Sounds like if the taste and smell is making you sick then you've been prescribed something in liquid form. Thats a bit weird.... Could you ask for something in tablets or capsules?
I can't eat tablets as they don't get dwn my throat and if i crush it andthe eat it, it ends up coming back up again *blah* Thats why I can't tablets as I am scared of them
You really could do with finding a way to take medicine. If you can't take liquid medicine because you don't like the taste, can't take pills because you can't swallow them and can't crush tablets because it makes you sick... then you're really not leaving yourself any options.
I'm not sure it started with a D for sure I think it had a E in P as well hmmm I dunno the medicines name sorry x
I could always talk to my counciller still :yes:
Yeah - talking to your counsellor is great. I was just saying that at some point in your life you'll probably find you need to be able to take medicine in one form or another.
Oh ok I don't mind pain killers for some reason I take them alot the tablet ones there ok the others one I don't like for some reason or other x
Dont you still have the medicine? Can look on the packet.
Taking a painkiller in the form of a tablet is the same as taking any other medication in a tablet. You can't tell the difference.