Home Sex & Relationships
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Anyone is welcome to join. Sign up here
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Aunt v Mum

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Earlier on today i had a phone call from an Aunt, my dads sister. My dad and i don't speak at all infact he has disowned me ( such a charmer my dad :rolleyes: )
My mum and my Aunt don't really get on although my Aunt has said she would like to build bridges i am not sure my mum would be interested.
Anywho the phone conversation went well and we cleared the air between us and talked about all sorts of things in the end i felt like i had a new friend.
But now i have a dilema, she has asked me if i would like to stay with her for a week as she is living alone at the moment and suggested we could both use the company.
I am at a loose end right now as i have finished college and still do not have a summer job so i guess it is an ideal time to get away.
She lives in North Wales which is somewhere i have never been and has promised shopping, cinema etc, and the chance to get away somewhere that nobody knows me seems a great idea just now for more than one reason.
Do you think i would be letting my mum down by doing this, we have been through a lot or rather i have put her through a lot and i really do not want to hurt her or make her feel abandoned but at the same time i could use a friend and my Aunt seems to care and accept me for who iam and actually wants to get to know me.
Am i being silly in trusting her after all this time, do you think i should be greatful for what i have in my mum and keep my distance.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is this something that you can talk to your Mum about? Or will she not even entertain the idea?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should maybe have a chat with your mum about this, bring up the phone call and see what she says. It could be positive and i dont think you've got anything to lose just by talking it over.

    Who knows maybe this could bring your mum and aunt closer, if she sees this is something you want to proceed with, maybe she'd be willing to build bridges with your aunt as well

    Good Luck, hope you get something worked out
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess to a certain extent it depends upon the nature of their disagreement and the reasons why your mum doesn't get on with your aunt.

    But generally speaking, I think we all need as many family members and supporters as we can get in this life, and especailly with all you have going on right now, you probably do more than most. Letting your aunt become a part of your life doesn't mean she is going to usurp your mum, and the fact that there is bad feeling between the two of them should not prevent you from having an extra friend and ally. The trip sounds great, and it sounds like you want to go, so you shouldn't miss out just for fear of putting your mum's nose out of joint.

    As the others have said though, you should talk it over with your mum, if you can.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agreed, i think you should have your own relationships with your family, not just the same as what your parents have.
    Let us know how it goes :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well they fell out when mum and dad split up i get the impression from talking to my older sister last night that they got on ok up until that point, my sister says that there was a lot of anger and blame at the time and as far as she knows no one has spoken to my Aunt since. I have to tread carefully talking about family with my sister as she still see's my dad and is defensive of him, so its not always impartial comments from her although she did point outthat mum never tried to stop her seeing dad.
    I think i will text mum later and say she phoned and just see how she reacts, there is not much point seeing my Aunt if it causes tension at home all the time, i guess i can still email and phone after all.
    Part of me wonders if i am keen on this for selfish reasons rather than building a relationship.
    Ohhh its difficult i love my mum and feel loyal to her how i would cope without her i don't know but i still need my own life away from the family home at some point don't I ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Part of me wonders if i am keen on this for selfish reasons rather than building a relationship.
    Ohhh its difficult i love my mum and feel loyal to her how i would cope without her i don't know but i still need my own life away from the family home at some point don't I ?

    :yes: It saddens me how freely the word 'selfish' is used these days, especially among our age group. I'd place this in the 'nourishing yourself as an individual' category, rather than in the 'selfish' box. It doesn't have to be a negative thing to do something just for yourself - in fact, it's vitally important to do that every now and again. By all means talk to your mum about it, and if she reacts negatively, accept it as her emotions and her (possibly knee-jerk) reaction, but make it clear that your choice is not a reflection on how you feel about her. It's something you'd like to do as a nice thing for yourself. Nobody should ever deny you that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The selfish thing would be for your Mum to object because of her own feelings about your Aunt.

    Talk to your Mum, tell her that your Aunt is part of your family too and you'd like to spend some time with them. I'm sure your Mum will understand.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yes: It saddens me how freely the word 'selfish' is used these days, especially among our age group. I'd place this in the 'nourishing yourself as an individual' category, rather than in the 'selfish' box. It doesn't have to be a negative thing to do something just for yourself - in fact, it's vitally important to do that every now and again. By all means talk to your mum about it, and if she reacts negatively, accept it as her emotions and her (possibly knee-jerk) reaction, but make it clear that your choice is not a reflection on how you feel about her. It's something you'd like to do as a nice thing for yourself. Nobody should ever deny you that.

    completely agree. i can understand your mum being protective of you, especially if your dad's family have behaved unfairly towards you. i had a similar dilemma and decided not to go, but i know that if i had then i would perhaps have a 'plan b' if things didnt go so well with my aunt and she upset me. even if a fall out or arguement with your aunt is extremely unlikely, maybe your mum would feel better if you agreed to a resolution to a 'what if' scenario. sorry if i misread your situation. i hope it works out!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Louisek,

    This is definitely a tough situation you are going through. You say you and your mum have gone through a lot together, without your father or his family, and therefore it might be hurtful for her if you let your aunt back into your life. As mentioned by other posters, probably talking to your mother about this and explaining to her how you feel might make her understand your point of view? Considering your sister sees your father, perhaps your mother will be more lenient about your aunt?

    Have a look at a couple of people's experiences of reuniting with relatives as this could help.

    Good luck :)
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    This is probably my latent paranoia showing through, and I don't mean to worry you or anything. Hopefully if that's the case you can simply ignore the following.

    Is it possible that your aunt is sided with your dad and this is some sort of... trap?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is probably my latent paranoia showing through, and I don't mean to worry you or anything. Hopefully if that's the case you can simply ignore the following.

    Is it possible that your aunt is sided with your dad and this is some sort of... trap?

    It did actually cross my mind at first that something was going on but she seemed really genuine and interested in me.
    To be honest my dad does'nt want anything to do with me so i can't see why he would set somethng up to trap me.
    Its a good point though and i don't think its you being paranoid x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    christele wrote: »
    Hi Louisek,

    This is definitely a tough situation you are going through. You say you and your mum have gone through a lot together, without your father or his family, and therefore it might be hurtful for her if you let your aunt back into your life. As mentioned by other posters, probably talking to your mother about this and explaining to her how you feel might make her understand your point of view? Considering your sister sees your father, perhaps your mother will be more lenient about your aunt?

    Have a look at a couple of people's experiences of reuniting with relatives as this could help.

    Good luck :)

    Thanks, thers are some interesting stories there.

    I have told my mum that my Aunt made contact and tried to get some history from her but all she said was that she never really thought about her and was really "indiffrent to the woman"
    I think some the posts here are right and i am so worried about how my life effects others i am becoming over sensitive.
    I think i will go and stay sometime but have not thought about how to bring that up with mum yet as i am a real coward :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am going, i decided that lifes to short for resentment and bitterness :yes:
    And i don't want to be a part of what in essence is a battle between mum and dad
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good on you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    I am going, i decided that lifes to short for resentment and bitterness :yes:
    And i don't want to be a part of what in essence is a battle between mum and dad

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yippe: best of luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, I hope it goes well for you :d
Sign In or Register to comment.