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Some advice needed pls!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there, new to this site but really need some decent advice...

So i have been seeing a guy since december, things have been going well.. he said he loves me, wants me to be his girlfriend, and wants to be with me forever. I feel that same way about him and have really fallen for him.

However, the last few days have been a bit odd. He has recently taken on a job in a bar, where he has been scheduled to work every single day for the last 10 days... I was suposed to be be seeing him tonight and since last sunday he has been saying he will let me know if he can see me tonight but he hasn't given me an answer although he must surely know what his rota is???!!! 3 days I have been waiting for an answer...

I am starting to think that something has happened and he has changed his mind about me... or he might just be genuinely busy. Either way it is driving me crazy... What should i do???

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Welcome!

    We can't possibly know his reasons so your best bet is to ask him directly. Good communication is key in a successful relationship so chat to him about it. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you, I know I should probably just ask him but I have asked him Sunday, Monday and yesterday when I will see him and each time he has said he will tell me that evenng. Which he has not!

    I am just worried that if I ask him again, I will be pressurising him and look like a nag! This is so tricky, feel a bit like a puppet on a string... It's really upseting me. Is there any way that I could aproach it without making myself look stupid and making him want me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends how you communicate this with him. If you explain that you feel that he is putting you off all the time and that it is affecting your confidence in yourself and your relationship, he should be fine about it. Perhaps he doesn't understand the stress this is causing you? There is probably no way to get a clear and truthful answer unless you talk to him. You have every entitlement to an answer so give it some thought about how you can put this across and then speak to him about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes I suppose I should ask him to be upfront. It's not really fair for me to just be left dangling. Makes me feel a bit angry actually, that I would let someone do that to me...

    Well I have text him and will wait and see what he says, and if he mentions seeing me. If not, I think I may have to let him go, as I do not want to be mucked about!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're absolutely right. You deserve respect and if he can't be bothered to give you an idea on when he will see you and he keeps putting you off, you need to let him know this.

    Small liberties at this stage in your relationship could result in him taking larger liberties later.

    Set the tone for your relationship now. Your's is a partnership, not a one-way street for his benefit.

    He may well have a reasonable excuse but it is his responsibility to ensure that this has been relayed to you, with an indication of when he will see you next. Best of luck! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the advice and confidence boost!

    Well I think it worked!! I told him that I would like him to tell me whats happening so that I can plan my week as well... Turns out he is working tonight, Thurs and Fri, but can see me Fri after work and Saturday. Hmmm at least that got me a straight answer. Still not the best of situations, but what can you do???

    I am hoping that this bar job situation is just temporary... or it could be a relationship destroyer! Whats the point in being with someone if you never see them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hope everything works out :thumb:
    If you want to find out how serious he is about the bar work etc and if it's long term, ask him how works going when you see him.
    Xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you :) It is meant to be a temp job as far as I know. He needs the money to pay the bills while he is finishing college and waiting to find a job in his chosen profession. Still, I wish he could of worked somewhere other than a bar! I'm sure he would hate it if I did...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a lot of hassle working at non-standard times of the day. I work shift work and at some parts of the year there's crazy amount of extra work on offer and being money hungry sometimes I've bailed on people to do extra work. Do you know if that's the case for him? Is he trying to work as much as possible?

    It's good you got a response from him, perhaps you should have a chat with him about his work and find out if it's a busy period or what. If he's got bills that need to be paid it's quite understandable that he'd get as much work in as possible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for putting things into a bit more perspective... I guess he does need the money considering he has rent and bills to pay, and the other work he was doing has dried up. That said, he is actually getting paid the minimum wage in this bar and I feel that had he looked around a bit more then he could have found something a bit more decent...

    I think he is doing exactly what you say, trying to work as much as possible, although they took him on as Part time staff, he is now working full time and beyond!!

    Maybe I should chill a bit, after all if we are meant to be together we will make it work. Although it feels like i'm having a long distance relationship with a guy who lives 10 minutes from me. Bah!!!
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