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Today hasn't been too bad at work. I've just got myself very focussed on my work.
I really love my job and the company I work for. It's quite a narrow industry, so I would struggle to find a job as good as the one I have. Most of my colleagues have worked at my company between 10 and 20 years so staff retention is excellent. I don't have any plans to move.
Do you think that if I could find closure in my head, and be very strong, we both could develop a friendship whereby we both know there will never be anything more than that between us?
I'm feeling particularly strong right now.
If you stay friends with him, you'll just keep hoping for more.
youve already screwed him over 8 times so why hold back now?:)
But I think we both have respect for one another and each other's feelings. I feel he hasn't led me on else he would be trying to kiss me/sleep with me all of the time and he is not. In fact, he keeps saying he wants to do the "right thing".
I wonder whether, after time, we couldn't be friends? I'm unsure. Suppose it's just because I've had a positive day.
You won't always be feeling strong, on a weak day he'll make a move on you and you won't be able to stop yourself.
:yes:
You need to totally back off.
You cant change the fact that you fancy him, but you can change the way you act
I've been strong again today, and tried very hard to just concentrate on my work. I guess I just wanted support here!
Woah harsh.
Jayne, great to hear you're being strong. Still stand by my point that I don't think you necessarily need a conversation with him though. If you focus your attention on other things then you're bound to feel better in the long run and there's probably other people at work that you don't talk to that often so perhaps you could treat him in that same way.
Unfortunately, I must agree with the others. Re-reading your original post above, I think the line has already been crossed. The problem is not so much the kiss, but the fact that you have been sharing your feelings for so long. You obviously really WANT each other, so unless one of you backs off completely, i.e. no heart to heart chats or explanations, this situation is just going to endure indefinitely. One of you really needs to be cruel to be kind.
Do you have any leave due? My advice would be to get yourself away from the work environment for a week or two. In fact, in view of the distress the situation appears to be causing, I might be inclined to take some sick leave on the grounds of "stress". No one need know the exact cause.
In hindsight think I do actually agree too - I think it was just the idea of someone being 'nasty' that got me questioning... I think it's possible to be straight down the line with someone without being horrible. :chin:
The guys off limits and hes been very kind and nice about how he likes you too, but is doing the right thing etc. What hes actually saying is he wants his fiancee, not you, but hes trying not to hurt your feelings.
The problem is, being nice is just giving you false hope.
Well that isn't the message I'm getting from Jayne's posts. As far as I can see, all this "I'm doing the right thing" and "I'm going to be good", is just lip service all the time he continues to make eyes and flirt with you. Those are not the actions of someone who is simply "trying not to hurt your feelings". If he intends to make a go of his marriage, HE should be the one cutting contact. He is sending mixed messages. On the one hand he is saying, "I shouldn't be doing this" while, on the other, he is leading you on. God help his fiancée!
Overthehill - thank you for understanding me, him and the situation!
I have just got back from work. He asked me to go for lunch with him today, which I did and we had a nice time, just talking about every day stuff and not flirting or anything. Then he asked me to go for a drink after work which I did, and again we just had a nice chat about normal stuff. When we left the pub, he told me he is thinking about me a bit too much, and he is starting to question his relationship. I told him I will back completely off as he needs to sort this himself without me and my feelings involved.
Thanks to everyone for their opinions, support, advice and ears. I will be back when I know what's happening in his head!
That is actually what makes it good to get advice on message boards - as everyone who posts has a different angle to share!
i can relate to how you feel but
to be honest...there's nothing much that you
can do that will leave YOU happy
hate it or not thats someone else's man
and i bet you hate how that sounds
(trust me i DO TOO!!!!)
its very sad b/c in this situation
you feel like IF YOU GUYS COULD
GIVE IT A TRY--GREAT THINGS WILL HAPPEN!!!!
(i feel like this guy is my SOUL mate!--how crazy is that???) :banghead:
O Lord, i feel you.
so would suggest:
to get him alone again and tell him exactly how you feel. all cards on the table....and let it play it out. see what he does and react then go ffrom there. i cant promise you that the outcome will be to your favor.
i hate how its ez for ppl to suggest to drop him and shit, but i knoe that thats the last thing you want!!!