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Long Term Relationship Break-Up (Your Experience)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Last week I ended a five year relationship. It wasn't a nasty break up in the slightest, we'd had a weekend away and everything was just as it usually was, except at the end of it we broke up, it was expected, we both knew it was going to happen. It was my decision, he just wasn't right for me long-term, and even though I was happy, it wasn't fair to stay in the relationship when we could both be finding someone more suitable. However, I really miss him and can't imagine right now that I am going to get over him, it sounds stupid I know, when it was me that ended it.
What I'm asking is, anyone that has experienced a long term relationship break up, how long did it take you to move on from it? I feel so alone right now and all I want is for him to be here to hold me and make everything alright again. I think it's harder due to the fact that I was happy with him and it didn't end horribly.
Thanks for any replies.
What I'm asking is, anyone that has experienced a long term relationship break up, how long did it take you to move on from it? I feel so alone right now and all I want is for him to be here to hold me and make everything alright again. I think it's harder due to the fact that I was happy with him and it didn't end horribly.
Thanks for any replies.
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Comments
I think with these things, its not a case of black and white, theres grey in the middle, and some of that grey, you are over it, but without realising, if that makes sense.
When i broke up with an ex after 3 years it took me about 3 weeks for it to even sink in....then probably about another month until i was over it enough to see other girls, it was kinda messy for me though as we kept meeting up occasionally and always ended up sleeping together which pretty much also always led to one of us getting hurt..we just lost contact in the end though and so didnt speak for ages, bumped into her about a month ago on a night out and it was really really surreal, didnt feel any emotion for her at all, it was just strange.
This is all complicated more by the fact that you obviously still like your ex and care for him a lot. It probably seems like it would be easier if you were just with him again, and it undoubtedly would, but the easiest path is generally not the right one.
You just have to remember that you broke up for a reason, and keep reminding yourself that this will suck for a while, but it will be worth it in the end. Maybe try to avoid having contact with your ex for a while, too. It may just confuse you.
not to depress you but i personally have found it harder the longer its been! i thought it was meant to get easier. we split up 2 and a half months ago now and at first i was sort of relieved, and feeling positive but as times gone i find myself really missing him. i dont know whether its missing him though or just the comfort of having someone to talk to all the time and share your worries with, and cuddle up to at night. its just the idea of him i miss i think.
i think the one thing thats made it easier for me is having no contact...at first we tried to stay friends but it made it harder so we made the decision not to speak for a while. we've not spoke for about a month now and its been hard but i think it would have been harder carrying on talking all the time, it sort of makes it feel as if we're properly broke up if you see what i mean.
You probably want be too bothered about that just yet but being single makes nightclubs a whole lot more fun!
Yeah, I'm sure it will be fun eventually, however, as you say right now it's kind of the last thing on my mind. Well it's not, I am human after all, but it's a little too soon, I would feel like I was cheating on him even though I'm not with him now, which is strange. Plus I feel it would be a little harsh to be with someone so long and be with another man so soon after. I just hope he hasn't gone out and pulled someone just yet also ...
i think one of the hardest things is going from knowing everything about somebodys lives, like where they are, what they're doing, little things about their day etc and then you know nothing! its weird to share somebodies life so much and then go to not talking to them at all.
also there are SOME positive points to being single. obviously its too soon yet but you know that feeling you get when you like someone and they like you too...its so exciting and makes your stomach feel full of butterflies! i havent experienced it fully yet but i have a teeny bit. and its quite exciting.x
Oh it really does
I split up with my bf of three years about a month a go and am loving the single life! We ended on really good terms and it was a mutual thing and we are friends still and I know sometimes it's hard not having that person there but it does get better. The worse part is if they meet someone else...thats hard
Nah, I think that's a good idea, the list thing, I might do that
Definitely agree about the last part, I do miss that. I do have a friend who has been through this kinda thing before so he is great to chat to when I'm feeling down and gives me lots of cuddles which helps etc and makes me not feel entirely on my own, but it's still not the same but better than nothing I suppose.
Why put yourself through all the pain again then? Surely the longer you're together the harder it will be when you come to breaking up. If you know you're not meant to be then why not be out there looking for the person that is meant to be?
im really upset over it because we've had this conversation about how none of us can even imagine being with anybody else for a while, its too painful etc. we split up at the end of september. then i heard off a couple of my friends (we have the same big circle of friends so i was bound to hear sooner or later) that hes been kissing this girl and been on a few dates with her etc. so obviously hes not that bothered!
what makes it worse is that recently (before i found out about the girl) iv been thinking maybe we should just try again and give it a another go, and now that i know its even worse. i texted him (about something unrelated) and he told me in the text that he'd been seeing somebody and that hes moved on, he still really cares about me but hes let go. i dont know what to do
It's not as easy as that, I know, but that's the aim I guess... that you get through a day or two without even thinking about your ex, and just enjoying life with your friends, and doing things you want to do.
*hugs*
aw thank you that post was so lovely and cheered me up a little
the real test will be tonight, im going out and i know he'll be there too as we go to all the same places, usually its not a problem we say hi, little chat etc thats it but im thinking he'll be with that girl tonight...the thought of it makes me feel sick but iv made sure i look bloody good (in a totally non bigheaded way haha) and i'll just try and be strong. arghhh.x
Quite a depressive thought.
Possibly the most emo thing I've ever read in my life. :razz:
No, but seriously Jordan - sometimes the emotions people experience during break-ups are some of the most intense they'll ever feel. However, that's not saying for one second that you can't feel stronger, happier and find something just as, if not more rewarding in another relationship.
People who come out the other side of serious relationship break-ups having learned from them, having let go of any bitterness and having a real sense of themselves are often strong, loving and interesting people.
Anyone in this thread who has found the strength to leave something that wasn't right for you - I salut you. Sometimes people do find their way back to an old flame and for the better after a chance to re-evaluate - but this is a rare thing.
Fireyfirenze, that might be you one day - but for now it sounds like the waters are way too muddy. While getting on with some new interesting things, take some time to really think about what YOU want in your life and whether or not this guy is really that. If he is, then letting things just be for a good few months at least will show whether there's a chance. Take this new girl out of the equation - sure it hurts, but to be honest she's nothing to do with you or this fella at such an early stage and worrying about that is just an unhealthy distraction from the real issues.
*big hugs* all round.
feel for you guys too, we've have just bitterly ended a three year relationship today...as a few people have mentioned in this thread they either felt they should of done it a good while ago or that both knew it was over. As much as I loved him there was just no way we could of spent the rest of our lives together..we'd argue alot! Over stupid things. He was depressed and very very negative person..and thats hard to live with sometimes especially when they refuse any help!
It sounds awful but it feels like a little relief to be single again...you miss them but you know all the problems you had are now over...see it as a clean slate. And like someone said before you cant wait for the tingling feeling to come back when you meet someone new!
As for imagianing him with someone else just try to block it out...if he;s already with someone else you may feel a bout of jealousy now..but just wait till you find someone else and he's the one feeling it.
Enjoy single life while you can!
risky.. if there is still feelings either side?
That's my argument. I know he still loves me, he admitted this the other night, but says that he'd be able to put them aside for sex. I'm not sure how easy I would find it to walk away from him afterward either.
He only wants it because he's not getting it after being able to for the past five years when we wanted. And if I wasn't getting it now, I would probably jump at the chance, but because I am, I'm not that bothered whether we do or not.
No!!!
No, too painful! Too many memories! Best to make a clean break.