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ideas on self-harm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Am not trying to be antagonistic or anything, I just honestly want to understand other peoples' stand points, but what is really wrong with deliberate self-harm?
Again, am not trying to stir-up a hornet's nest or anything like that, but it would be interesting for me to find this out.
I'm currently 22. I've been doing self-harm for more than a decade already. But not consistently except for a stretch of 6-7 months three years ago (cutting). Prior to that, I've been doing self-hitting and hurting myself through exercise (primarily through boxing which ends up with me bruising my knuckles, forearms, and sometimes my elbows). I still do those until now in addition to my drinking and smoking.
Now, the thing with me is that, personally, I don't find anything wrong with it. But that's just me and am not forcing this idea to anyone else. It's just that for me, it really helps me focus and calm down at times. And I've never had a negative feeling associated with it.
So in my effort to learn from people who DO think it's bad, I'm asking for opinions on why you think self-harm is not acceptable or should be avoided. I welcome any type of answer be it opinion or research or anything in between.
Again, am not trying to stir-up a hornet's nest or anything like that, but it would be interesting for me to find this out.
I'm currently 22. I've been doing self-harm for more than a decade already. But not consistently except for a stretch of 6-7 months three years ago (cutting). Prior to that, I've been doing self-hitting and hurting myself through exercise (primarily through boxing which ends up with me bruising my knuckles, forearms, and sometimes my elbows). I still do those until now in addition to my drinking and smoking.
Now, the thing with me is that, personally, I don't find anything wrong with it. But that's just me and am not forcing this idea to anyone else. It's just that for me, it really helps me focus and calm down at times. And I've never had a negative feeling associated with it.
So in my effort to learn from people who DO think it's bad, I'm asking for opinions on why you think self-harm is not acceptable or should be avoided. I welcome any type of answer be it opinion or research or anything in between.
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Also, there are much more healthy coping mechanisms rather than hurting myself. I just have to learn to use them.
Anywho-
I have been self harming since the age of 7ish- so 5 and a half years.
I need to stop, having been in hospital a few times, but don't want to. So, seriously, stop before it gets to bad.
X
Hey Lonehoplite,:)
Welcome to the site. it is an interesting issue you raise regarding self harm. Self harm, as nimporte has mentioned, is a coping mechanism and form of release thats a person uses when they experience emotional difficulties in life such as with relationships, bereavement, work etc.
Your experience of self harm may not be problematic for you, but for others persistent self harm can increase feelings of inability to cope or guilt that they are self harming in order to cope in the first place. In turn this may make the self harm more extreme, dangerous and out of control. The best thing to counteract or explore your relationship with self harm is to look at your triggers and how you cope with life.
Counselling can help by talking and exploring your feelings without the guilt and other feelings that self harming comes attached with.
check out this info on self harm and please post again if you have any other questions on this:wave:
i've been harming for 4years now and you have made a fair point, what actually is wrong with self harm? i feel that people are only set against it because they are afraid of it. they see it as a taboo subject. this isn't the right approach, for me, going home to an hour of self harm is only like anybody going home putting their feet up and having a glass of wine. people don't seem to realise that we dont self harm for the attention, we dont necessairly want to die and we certainly dont need their opinions that our way of life is wrong. like you i am intrigued as to why people are so set against it, as, in my opinion they are just not educated enough about the subject and/ or have old fashioned qualities
i could talk about this subject forever
sorry, i'm gabbling now
anyhoo, thanks for the inputs. I wouldnt mind hearing more from you guys or from others.
I guess what sparked my interest in this topic was that I noticed that people in general seem to find more problems with self-harm (specifically cutting) as opposed to drinking and smoking. I mean, I'm no doctor, but I think that self-harm is a better choice than either of those... if done properly anyway.
it's just, when I used to cut, people's reactions were... annoying. that's why I stopped and substituted it with drinking and smoking. when i did that, people seemed to care less. O_O haha. but again, that's just me.
but what am trying to say is that drinking and smoking are in themselves self-harming behaviors, yet, generally speaking, people don't have a problem with either. so I just find that a bit odd.
by the way, I have the tendency to just rant. O_O sori. haha.
I dont understand how you can tell other people to stop but you wont stop yourself..
Thats just like saying "Oh self harm is bad for you but its alright for me"
She said to stop before it gets bad - this is the key point here. If I had stopped before it became a habit I would not have the scars now, and I would not have ended up "needing" self harm in the way that I did. As it is, I always advise people who have only gotten into harming recently that they should find other avenues of getting the release harming gives, rather than destroying their bodies. It's not as black and white as it may seem.
EDIT: Because I have just now read the thread, I would say that self harm is bad, but it is not WRONG. Anyone who thinks that causing physical harm to yourself is not a bad thing is very silly, but that doesn't mean I don't understand why people do it and why it becomes important to people. I'm in no way saying the feelings behind doing it are bad, no way, but the act is not good. People who judge you for what you do to your skin are wrong, people who think you are a lesser person, people who call you a freak or an emo or an attention seeker, they are all very very wrong, but I would never ever say that self-harm is a good thing. Ever.
But what makes it bad? The general trend am getting is that people think of it as bad because it produces scars. But is that the main reason or is there something else? Because if it's just because it's harming the body, then I personally don't think it's as bad as people think.
I say this first and foremost because, well... I'm a little crazy, and second because people hurt themselves all the time. It's just in a different context. People who engage in self-harmful behavior (i.e. cutting, burning, hitting) usually do so to cope with stress, guilt, feelings of incompetence, etc. But other people also put their bodies through physical pains for other reasons. Such as spirituality. Some people practice their faith by flogging themselves or walking on glass or even something as simple as fasting. Other people put their bodies to the test imply because they want to have fun. Take into consideration people who drink and smoke. Some people do it because it's their jobs. Just think of professional fighters.
My point in saying this is... well, why I started this to begin with: I want to see what people think about self-harm and why they think it's bad. Because, again, this is just my opinion, if it's all about the physical harm, then it's not really that bad... if done correctly anyway.
Although, just to be clear, I'm not necessarily supportive of self-harm. I have helped a couple of friends kick the habit because they asked me to help them. I just support people's informed choice. That's all.
It's not that easy to stop once you're down and dirty with it. It's like a drug addict telling kids not to do drugs. The addict knows it's wrong to do drugs and is trying to stop but can't.
Besides, sometimes giving yourself as an example of what not to do can be effective as well.
I hate self harming, it's awful. I wish I could find it in me to stop. But I am not strong enough...
So all I can say to people is: the best way to stop is not to start.
X
It's not immoral, it's not wrong, but it's not a good thing, that's what I'm trying to get at, and that the people who do it should have access to help and support to try and get them to stop if they wish to.
I think the reason a lot of people react badly to it is because it's "different" and also because it is a visible representation of a mental illness, which makes it more "real" to them. Like you said - people harm themselve all the time in every day life but as long as they are mentally healthy people don't care. As soon as there is an indication of mental illness people tend to take a step back and think, "that's weird". Those people are wrong, but it is what happens to people who aren't aware or in a position where they understand what it's about. I think for the most part it's fear of the unknown.
but you think it's also plausible that people find it bad because most people make the connection between self-harm and suicidal ideation? just a thought I got because most people think that those two go hand-in-hand, when in reality it's not always true.
what do you guys think?
ive been self-harming for about a month and i feel like it gets me through,
whenever i feel like there is just no point anymore i just cut. i know how bad it is and my whole life people have worned me about it but it helps me.
i get picked on at school ALOT for being emo and slitting my wrists, yes i do slit my wrists but not because im emo, just because it gives me strength to go on. plus the pain im causing myself just takes my mind off everything else and i end up concentrating on that and putting everything else to the back of my mind. its not what normal teenagers do but if it helps me then why stop?
How old are you? Because when you grow up you will understand self harming is not fine it is an issue that should be dealt with. Most self harmer's will need help at some point in their lives to deal with it.
In time, you will see that self harm doesn't help you through in the long run, there are many better ways to deal with things and self harm is a short-term relief.
Oh, and, just out of interest.. What do you think makes you "emo"?
X
Hunny, I am 12 too.
X
No-one that harms at all is 'fine' in their mind.
But then for some people when the extent of harm is not very bad, that might count as fine.
To be honest, harming's a vicious circle, and it's an awful lot easier to not to jump in than to have to crawl out.
But I think people never see themselves as as bad as the next person.
Grace... as a self harm, I'd give anything to stop. But I can't. It traps you in. A friend of mine came into school today saying she was such a failure she couldn't even cut herself properly. And I pulled up my sleeves, and I said "would you count that as proper" and she was nearly sick.
I just think people don't quite understand how hard self harm is to deal with... I mean, we've all pinched our skin or something... but that can turn into so so much more.
It's not good.
X
BA... I can't ignore this and I'm really sorry for going a bit off topic but i think what you did above was wrong. Really wrong....
The severity of someone's self-harm in no way determines the level of emotional distress someone may be going through. Your friend may have been crying out for help and instead of supporting her you made her feel worse. There is no such thing as "proper" self-harm... when she used that word she was probably just looking for support, and was upset because perhaps at the time she felt like she could do nothing right.
Self-injury is a private thing and so in my opinion you shouldn't be shoving it in peoples' faces... So what if your injuries are worse? Doesn't mean her problems are any less important. What if now she feels that what she is doing isn't *enough* to get help? So she doesn't get help... or even worse.... she goes out and further harms herself.
Original poster.... I don't think self-harm is "wrong" as such. I do believe that it is an unhealthy coping mechanism that doesn't help in the long-term. Before someone stops however, I think they need will power and find why they want to stop. Sometimes think that forcing one to stop before they're ready, taking away perhaps what is their only way to cope, can do more harm than good.
I agree and also disagree with what you say about it being fine,i was 13 when i 1st self-harmed i'm now 30 and still do it,it maybe a short-term relief for some but not all for some of us it can become a normal way of life,it all depends on the person,i was offered help with self-harming and that resulted with me being sectioned for 18 months and it didn't help in anyway shape or form if anything it only gave me a hell of alot more issues.
I don't think you have the right to say that.
And it doesn't matter what age you are you can still have the same views. It's like you are suggesting her views are childish and wrong. But then you show someone your scars because they feel they are not self harming right. So I guess you have a perfect way? So now your friend will think she is even more rubbish and probably try and do the same.