jealousy!

Former Member

okay so this is going to be quite a long story but my boyfriend is wonderful, i love him with all my heart weve been together for nearly 4 months now, but he has trust issues. He was been cheated on before, and i know that he worries about it happening again. Ive been cheated on before, so i do know how it feels, but i dont let it worry me too much and i trust him. Last saturday evening, i was meant to go to his, but a male friend of mine came round, and we went to my room for all of 5 minutes so i could show him something on my laptop. I didnt tell my boyfriend cause i know what hes like, and plus, this guy is just a mate, my boyfriend knows him from primary school, and so really it was nothing. But somehow, he found out, someone told him, i have no idea who, but he flipped out, BIG TIME. we had a huge row, he smashed up my phone and he was acting like i was cheating on him or something, which is something i would never do. We sorted things out, kinda. But at nearly everything i say, he is making little comments about my "other boyfriend" and really pathetic stuff like that. At first, i understood, cos it must be a little upsetting. But he is really taking it too far now, of course i feel bad for not telling him, but he is going abit extreme about it all now. There is no telling him, ive said everything i can. Its driving me mad now! I want it sorted before the weekend so we can have a nice weekend together.

Former Member

yea, a friend of mine was in a similar situation. We all knew it was best for her to break up with him but she didn't at first. Then he forbade her to meet her male friends - including me. Hadn't heard from her in a time, because I was pretty pissed she wanted to follow through with it. Next time I heard from her they split, thankfully.

If someone flips at such a bullshit and goes the passive aggressive way of "other boyfriend" shit and is violent too (smashing the phone) he is a piece of shit who shouldn't be worth your time. My adivice: break up with him, it's not worth the hassle, but you might realize that rather later than sooner.

Former Member

You should sit him down and say to him seriously, "Can you stop this, we've talked about it before and you know nothing happened, making those comments is starting to really upset me" and if he cares about the way you feel then he should stop, it isn't acceptable for him to be treating you like that, especially when you have done nothing wrong in the first place? :wave:

Former Member

I get jealous with my girlfriend but never really show it. If I did, I certainly wouldn't have flipped like he did for you not even cheating. A chat would have done. You're right, you should have told him. I personally would rather have known, then it doesn't look like you're hiding anything.
You really should get rid of this boyfriend and tell him to work out his issues before he gets another girlfriend. You're only 4 months in, so don't waste any more of your life

Former Member

I don't think it'll help the guy if you dump him. As Billie said, try to sit with him and talk it through. Maybe you could try to find him some counselling because the jealousy he's showing is a bit extreme and he certainly has some confidency issues as well. If you split up with him, he can be even worse and his next girlfriend doesn't have to be as understanding as you are and he might as well end up having panic attacks (as I am).

Former Member

I don't care how many times he's been burned in the past, throwing a massive tantrum and smashing up someone's phone is completely inappropriate behaviour. If he can't control his temper then he doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend, especially not one as understanding as you've been.

You really would be best off telling him where to go, otherwise you'll have to look forward to years of him flying off the handle if you dare to look at another man.

His insecurity is his issue, not yours. And only he can deal with it. You certainly shouldn't have to.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

If he can't control his temper then he doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend, especially not one as understanding as you've been.

I guess you're right Kermit. I think I overlooked a bit the fact that he smashed the phone. That's a bit too much.

Yeah, you should totally consider leaving him. Find somebody who matches you. He's not the right guy for such a thoughtful and considering girl. Advise him to visit a counselor but don't keep in touch with him. Who knows what he might do else?

Former Member

this is really difficult cos my boyfriend was like that, still is actually.he was cheated on too which made him really insecure but he was never violent. to be fair if you were going to leave him u probably would have done by now, so maybe you should give the relationship a chance. but u do need to have a long chat and both be really open and honest about your feelings. at the end of the day, he isnt going to get over his feelings of insecurity overnight its going to take a long time no matter what u do or who he is with.it really does depend on whether or not u r prepared to wait until he learns how to trust again, and whether u will be strong enough to walk away if he is violent towards u

Former Member

He's way out of line - especially to keep bringing it up in such a childish manner (ie, "your other boyfriend"). Get out while you can, people's behaviours rarely change.

I'm dealing with a similar situation and while talking about it, am regretting it has taken any space in my brain. Know it's hard, hang in there.