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Thats good hopefully it's not a long wait till you see a urologist!
But sorry thats you and your ex can't be friends, sometimes thats how things go. I'm not firends with any of my ex's through their immaturity ans stupidness :rolleyes:
He doesn't understand, thinks I'm being silly. Maybe I am. On the other hand, I don't like being told 'I very rarely have contact these days with my ex because she hates us both' and then finding out that this wasn't the case. On my birthday as well was one of the times I found out they had had contact. MY birthday. Not hers, not his. As far as I'm concerned, you can't have friendship without trust. That was the last straw. There's someone I very rarely have contact with. You know how often it is? We bumped into each other at the train station over Easter. Before that I popped into his house over Christmas as I walked past it on the way home from Tesco. I popped in to say happy Christmas and happy birthday. I don't go out of my way to comment on his Facebook status and have a convo on it literally every other week. I should point out this person isn't an ex of mine, just a former friend who's pissed my family off greatly.
You know why it's all status comments, don't you?
Doesn't show up on their profile or news feed.
:mad:
Yesterday I spoke to him. I said I'd like to be his friend but I need him to grow up a bit and take some responsibility for what he's done, especially with regards to getting me in a complete state when he knew I had an important exam tomorrow. He started saying it was all my fault because I hadn't revised properly, because of course most people can just be dumped and concentrate perfectly well on their work. I then got a little heated, and perhaps worded this badly, and said he should consider bucking up his ideas because a lot of people are pissed off with him for what he's done here and a lot of those people know enough about him to ruin his career. I didn't mean this to come across as threatening/blackmail, though I can see how it may have been taken this way. I only wanted to give him some friendly warning seeing as he knows what my family are like for holding grudges (that's another unpleasant story.) So he shouts blackmail at me and tells me to fuck off and die and hangs up.
I then walked to the nearest train station, and if it wasn't for a particularly well timed phone call by a friend just checking how I was doing, I probably would have thrown myself under one of the through trains. I then called my best friend who took me to hospital and I saw a mental health assessment lady. She was very nice and is notifying my GP at uni so that I can get some help. They want to see if this is a temporary problem or a long term one before they start pumping me full of drugs. I've not told my family what has happened. I can't. I keep trying to tell them how I'm feeling and they don't listen and if I told them this I'm scared my dad would try to hurt my ex.
Nothing anyone says or does makes things any better. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat. I can't do anything but feel hurt. I know everyone says things will get better, they'll start to hurt less, I'll meet someone else. But I don't want anyone else. I want him.
Even after everything he's done to me, I still want him back. I told him what I wanted in life and he said it was what he wanted as well, he said he wanted to share my dreams with me. I don't want those things any more, I don't want to share them with anyone else but him. I don't want to do anything or meet anyone ever again. I wish I were dead so I couldn't feel this any more, but I don't want the few people who still care to be hurt, it's not fair to them.
I just don't understand why. Why he did it then, why he did it the way he did, and why he gave the reason he did. We had such a lovely weekend together, and I was so sad to see him leave. I was crying at the station cuddling him and he told me not to cry because I'd be seeing him soon, he knew I was meant to be coming home on Tuesday for my mum's birthday. Yes, we had a small argument on Monday night, the same one we always have about him going out but not with me. I thought things were going to be ok. How can someone fall out of love with you in the space of a few hours? I wish I could understand.
My academic adviser still hasn't replied to the email I sent on Thursday and she normally responds pretty quickly. The exam is tomorrow. I can't do it. I can't do it. But what choice do I have? If I don't get back on the train up to Norwich and sit that exam, they'll fail me automatically. I'll just have to try. At least that way I can say I tried, even though I failed. The exam is the half the module, I got a 2:1 on the essay which was the other half. I need 40% to stay on the course but I need 55% overall to stay on the year abroad.
I wish there was something I could do. I can't do this any more, I don't want to put myself through this any more.
:crying:
I felt exactly the same as you after my ex (of 4 years) cheated on me
RE: the exam, i would go, and go in that mind set of 'trying your best' and don't be hard on yourself, you are having a shite time at the moment, the last thing you want is an exam, but you are the stronger person for going through with it, and trying your best- that's all you can do. It will also eliminate the negative guilt thoughts that will take hold if you don't go- you don't need those too!
I think the thing is with some people (myself included at times) is that when something isn't going great, you just don't tell that person and either hope it will get better or... well i guess you don't want to 'hurt their feelings' and so end up not talking AND doing something that hurts that person even more
I'm trying to take my mind off things by researching the Red Scares. My exam is for a module called 'Introduction to American Studies'. It's an interdisciplinary module so I'm quite lucky as I don't have to restrict myself to just literature or just history. I hope there are some good questions that give me something to argue about. I did American politics at A level, if I get 2 good political questions, I can do it. I know the general themes they'll ask about, there's a question for each topic in the module eg patriotism, constitutionalism, sectionalism etc.
I need to keep it together, I know I do. I have another exam as well, but that's in 2 weeks, we'll worry about it later!
I just hope I can givve my mum a happy birthday given how I'm feeling. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get back to uni, my room is full of pictures of him, us together, us out with friends. One of my friends gave me a framed picture for my birthday. It's a picture of me, my ex, the friend who gave me the present and another good friend at uni. We were at a bonfire party in the uni woods.
I wish I could go back to that night, there's so much I'd change.
Time to send the boys round I think, JsT you up for this?
That's funny.
Hopefully you will be able to pull through the exam tomorrow MA, you just need to motivate yourself to get through it. Maybe you could take the pictures down or get a fiend to help you out or do it for you - could give you some kind of closure from the whole thing? x
Im hoping that the guy in question couldnt win a fight with a wet dream, but you know, you cant have everything.
We still have some of each other's things which doesn't help. A lot of my portfolio work was about him too. But yes, I think the pictures should come down, my mum and grandma are coming back up with me to Norwich next weekend, they'll just ask me why they're all still up if I leave them there.
A friend of mine is arranging for me to speak with one of his med student friends who's pretty clued up on who can help with the way I'm feeling. Hopefully she can help. I guess I should be glad that this is my first year and not my final year.
I was trying to talk to the friend who introduced me to my ex and he starts blaming me for everything, saying he doesn't want to listen to my theories, which admittedly there was some speculation but a lot of fact. He says I'm treating him like a cunt and he's taking my ex's side and all this.
I should've gone under that train, with friends like him I don't need any enemies.
Fuck you world! I wish I were dead because I'm apparently not good enough for anybody these days.
:crying:
I'm so sorry.
big hugs
Don't apologise. Break ups aren't easy and what you are feeling is entirely understandable given the circumstances. Just remember that you DO have people who care for you still - your family and other friends. It's at times like these that you realise just how loved and cared for you are.
Try not to let it affect you!
The exam was an epic fail. I didn't understand what half the questions were asking me and had to be dragged to the exam by 4 of my friends as I was in hysterical tears (just gone back to my room full of pictures of us together) half an hour before it started.
I hope I've passed.
I've written him a letter telling him how I feel. The ball is now in his court, so to speak.
I'm going to write my friend a letter as well once I think of the nicest way I can of wording it. I understand it can be difficult when you are friends with a couple but I listened to said friend bitch to me when his ex girlfriend dumped him. Twice. I'm still friends with both of them, I just listened rather than taking sides, seemed like the best thing. Hasn't always worked for me, but that is another story...
I feel better now I've written down how I feel and that the exam is over! Just one more to go
He got my letter and sent me a text thanking me for it as it was apparently very touching. He is going to write me a letter and says he'd like to be my friend but thinks we need some distance.
I hoped it would make some difference but I don't think it has, but I guess I will see in his letter. I want to bawl my eyes out but it's just me and my brother in the house, and he's unhelpful in such situations. My Grandma is coming to visit this afternoon and we are going up to Norwich tomorrow for a few days. I don't know if she knows what happened yet seeing as I was speaking to one of my friends last night and she didn't know...I assume one of my cousins has told my Grandma but I'm not certain.
I'm trying to arrange nights out with friends when I return here over the Summer but it's going to be hard for me to have any of my old life back. A lot of people have cut ties since going to uni and my best mate has got his old job back so is working in Derby all Summer and isn't planning on coming home until Christmas.