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Boyfriend bought protitutes
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
:impissed: My boyfriend of four months just confessed to me that he has, on numerous occasions before meeting me, bought prostitutes. He said the last time was onw year before meetingme and that he'll never even consider doing it again. I find it revolting and shocking,, actually, and am considering leaving him before I get too much more involved. problem is, I have fallen in love with him and am feeling deeply wretched. anyy thoughts? please help!
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I can't really give you any advice on whether you should leave him or not, only you can decide that. I just wanted you to know that it's perfectly normal to be upset by that revelation, lots of people would be.
If I were you I would talk to him and find out the reasons why he did it, whether he thinks it is an acceptable things to go or whether he regrets it, what his attitude toward the women involved was, etc. Then work out what to do from there.
take a chill pill and be mature about it.
Yep. Don't really see any other issues though to be honest
I don't think it's a crime as such but if I found out something like that I think I'd end up wondering WHY whenever I'd see my bloke. I'm not sure if I'd want to try to put it behind me.
I personally don't think visiting prostitudes is as normal as going out to have an ice cream. I find the thought kinda sad.
[/hyjack end]
Also, most prostitutes use protection so the chance of him having got an STI is unlikely.
:yes: Yeah, I'd go with that reply, Suzy.
Give money directly to a girl, and get what you want... or spend money on a girl, hoping you'll get some action afterwards.
Which is worse?
Why?
If he'd had 5, 15 or 50 one-night stands, would he be a better person than you currently percieve him to be?
If he's seen a, or multiple, prostitutes a few times, does it really matter if he cares for you, and you care for him? You make no indication that this has happened whilst he was seeing you, nor that he has been deceitful. It sounds like he was honest about something he may not be too proud of. I've not done it personally, but plenty of people have. Is it really such a bad thing? Would you feel less awkward if he'd been with a 16y/o schoolgirl? Or someone older than your mother?
I don't think it's a dumping offence, though. If he's been open and honest and told you he won't do it now, and he has an STI test, then I think you should let the past stay in the past.
paying for sex is worse as it implies that you think its ok to buy and sell womens bodies. its more exploitative.
I think that's what would bother me. It's not like the majority of sex workers are living in Belgravia doing the Belle de Jour thing.
I don't think it's a dumpable offence, but I'd want to discuss it more and let the guy know I'm glad he was honest and upfront with me.
I did some searching on the internet after seeing the post, before making a reply. There are plenty of women out there who are happy to sell the use of their body - some seem genuinely happy with doing so.
There are many ways to interpret the situation. A "friend with benefits" - both parties get what they want from it, with mutual consent. Paying for sex - again, both parties get what they want from it. There are obvious differences between the two, but at the end of the day both parties are gaining what they want from the situation.
Exploitation... that's taking advantage of someone else's situation. Whether it be an office employee looking for a promotion and willing to "give" little of themselves to secure it, or selling a car with a hidden known fault to someone who can ill-afford to repair it, but is not educated enough to notice the problem.
If she is willing to sell it, and he is willing to buy it, then it doesn't automatically become exploitation. IMO, at least. It's one of those things where we all have different views. I doubt I could ever pay for it, nor sell it, but if people are willing to do so, then it's their choice to make.
Heck, I can't even do one-night stands, nor friends with benefits. For me, sex is about more than just the physical act. But there are plenty of people out there who find it easy to do either. Does that mean that they are also exploiting the needs of the other person? The need of sexual contact, the need of company, or the feeling of love?
Is it really so different to handing over money for the act?
Now there are lots of issues surrounding it that are really important to consider like women who are trapped by circumstances and effectively become paid slaves and also women who might have emotional and mental issues they are not confronting so maybe in that sense endorsing the industry is passively encouraging these things.
But I personally do not see it like SCC and go_away see it - now this is just my opinion and I'm not an expert - but I see it more like paying a masseuse for a massage than 'renting' a womans body. Because it's not like paying for a car rental it's paying for a service (in the ideal situation which obviously is not always the case!).
I've never used a prostitute but am not morally apposed to it as long as it ticks all the right boxes, I wonder whether it is seen as tabboo as a hangover from pre-sexual liberation. I.e. women shouldn't have / enjoy sex, women who do are dirty / filthy / slutty or something along those lines.
I think ultimately though it depends how you feel about it. I think everyone makes a good point that a) it's in the past and b) he's been honest with you about it. When he was doing that or whatever he couldn't predict he would meet you down the line. But then he did meet you and from what you've told me he's done pretty much the 'perfect' thing by being open and honest about parts of his life.
So whether you want reassurance in the form of an STI test or whatever it still comes down to how you feel it about it now, he's told you the truth so "the ball is in your court" so to speak. I think I might be freaked out if I met a girl and she told me she used to be a prostitute but you know if she was honest with me etc. love conquers all doesn't it? Heh.
Good luck!
Or the women are exploiting men's bodies for their money? I don't think prostitution is always so clear cut. Many prostitutes are quite happy to be in the game and its down to cold, hard cash.
I know the happy hooker who just does it because she loves sex exists, but i think its the exception rather than the rule, and its not like the industry is regulated, or that most people would give a shit why the prostitute was doing it as long as she had a pretty enough face at the time they wanted to dump their load
There are also plenty of people who work for minimum wage packing chickens, frozen burgers. Cleaners, shop staff and carers receive a pittance generally - does this mean they are being exploited, or have they taken an option available to them?
Would prostitutes be overqualified for the above positions, if they felt exploited by their current line of work?
Looking at it, many of these girls charge £100 per hour and upwards. I'm not arguing that there will be girls out there who are forced into it, to pay for their illegal passage into this country, to pay for their use of illegal substances, etc. But for that kind of money, I'm willing to bet there are plenty of legal citizens in the profession, without addictions to illegal substances, who choose to do it for the money, and the fact that it's a better way to spend your time than wiping an incontinent older-persons arse all day, or cleaning the toilets in a pub each morning. I also think there must be the appeal of pleasing multiple people, receiving the odd fantastic orgasm, and the feeling of lust from several people each day.
Sadly, we've drifted far from the OP's input and question...
Interesting to note that, though I don't know the genders of all the people who've responded, at a guess it seems to be the case that the men who have replied to this say it's no big deal and the poster is being uptight, while most of the women disagree and can completely understand her feelings.
Whatever the rights and wrongs of using prostitutes, you're clearly not alone in finding it upsetting, nor is it unreasonable to do so.
Though I'm not saying that it's no big deal, nor can I not understand the OP's feelings on the subject. It's one of those things where we all have an opinion, and we're entitled to it. There is no right or wrong, aside from the legalities.
Personally, I'd have a bigger problem with someone who bounced around 25 partners in a year through loneliness than someone who paid for sex when lonely. To my mind, one is not more right - nor more wrong - than the other. It's just the choices individuals make regarding the path of their life.
Belle du Jour is fiction, you know.
The average price for anal sex without a condom in Tyne and Wear is £32.17, or £30.63 with a condom.
Source (at p.63).