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Help Needed

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

Here is my story - I am sure many people will judge me!

I am 20 and my girlfriend is 19. We hav been together for 3 and a half years - we got together almost as soon as we started College/Sixth Form (UK) and have been together ever since. Things were great at first, but recently I have been having doubts - thing's aren't the same and often I feel it a chore to keep her happy, rushing round to see her when I finish work. I even offer to take her to the pub for food and drinks on an evening to save sitting in the house with her (because I would find this boring).

To make the whole situation worse, I recently went away for the night and kissed another girl. This girl, I have known online for ages and ages and we talk everyday. I recently went out for a few drinks for her birthday with the intention of meeting up with my own mates later on. That didn't happen and I stayed with her and her friends all night. We instantly hit it off, and met up again for a quiet drink about a week later. Ever since her birthday we have text each other all day every day and then talked all night. Since then, I have gone over to hers several times to watch DVDs, talk, etc. I even meet her if I get time to get away from work for the odd hour or two. It was then she mentioned that her and her mates were going away for 3 nights and that I should come. At first I thought nothing of it as I couldn't get out of work, but she said why don't I pop up for the last night as I was off work that night and the following morning - I was tempted, and I drove the 60 odd miles to the campsite when I finished work on the Thursday. We went for a nice walk, had a great time and shared a tent overnight... and we kissed. The next morning, when we all had to go home, saying bye to her was awful.

We met up the day after, and decided we should go away again. Great idea at the time. We are going away Fri, Sat, Sunday night, just me and her - this weekend - camping again. My gf thinks it's a lads weekend.
I don't feel guilty going away without her, I know I'm going to have the best weekend ever! I don't miss her when I don't see her. BUT I do miss this other girl. She knows about my gf, her parents do.

My friends are picking up on the fact I'm not happy with my gf, saying I don't seem happy anymore, saying she is too clingy, dependant on me, doesn't pay her way.

I know I can't carry on seeing this other girl because it's not fair on her of my gf. I just wish there was an easy way out. If I end it with my gf, it will break her heart as as far as she is concerned everything is great. It would come totally out of the blue.

Oh one final twist... me and my gf booked a holiday last year to go to Egypt for 2 weeks, in 5 weeks time.

HELP ME! :confused:

Advice? Comments? Tactics?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to tell your current girlfriend NOW and finish it NOW. You will just be toying with her if you drag this out any longer. And your desire to be with the new girl will just make you miserable and probably take it out on your innocent girlfriend, who will have no clue as to what she has done.

    As far as the holiday is concerned, you should be a gentleman, and reimburse her in full any money that she has paid out thus far and take the hit yourself, even if she still wants to go on her own. You've kinda fucked her around enough already, don't you think? It's the least that you could do for her.

    P.S. I'm not judging you. You can't help who you fall in love with but you MUST treat your soon-to-be ex with respect. Good luck! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't meet the new girl again until you end it with the old one. It's really not rocket science.

    As for the holiday, find a friend of hers who can go with your girlfriend and take the hit for your side of the ticket.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah. You need to end it with somebody. You can't see two people at once without both their permission. You owe that to your gf.

    If she is making you unhappy you need to talk to her though. Either end the relationship or tell her the whole truth and if she forgives you and you are willing, find new ways to add fun into your lives together.

    Honestly is always the best.

    Good luck :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with everything that's been said.

    You say that breaking up with her would break her heart, and you may be right, but it wouldn't be a patch on how hurt she'd be if she found out you'd been cheating on her.

    You can't help who you fall for, but you CAN help how you deal with it. There's nothing wrong with choosing the new girl, but you MUST treat your girlfriend with the honesty she deserves and end it.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Olive wrote: »
    You can't help who you fall for, but you CAN help how you deal with it. There's nothing wrong with choosing the new girl, but you MUST treat your girlfriend with the honesty she deserves and end it.

    :yes: best way to look at it - it's the only way BOTH of you have the opportunity to find happiness elsewhere. Just as you deserve to be happier in a relationship, your girlfriend deserves to be with someone who truly desires her/find her independence. It sounds like you have some good friends who will support you whatever happens in the immediate future, that's a great position to be in. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How long have you been going through this rouch patch?
    have you considered that this is just one of them touch times that you and your girlfriend can overcome?
    But i agree with everyone else...if i was you i wouldnt see the other girl till you've made your decision. I think by seeing the other girl its fogging your mind and you cant think properly, take some time out and give it a real good think :)

    Good luck and keep us posted! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi again...

    To all those who have replied, many thanks. You have all given me alot to think about. Since my post, I did not see either party involved until last night, when I spoke to my gf...

    Turns out she also feels we are growing apart. We had a good chat about everything and I honestly feel much much better in myself for getting it all out in the open. I slept on it all last night, had a great night's sleep and feel much better for it. I am still not sure where this leaves us, I am going over tonight after work for a chat again. I think she is hoping we can try make things work.. I am not so sure.

    I think I have felt this way for too long now and have tried and tried to make it work. I don't want to drag anything out with her if it won't work as I don't want to hurt her anymore in the long term. I don't feel close to her anymore.. I think I have grown out of the relationship.

    I am going to make sure everything is sorted before I meet the other girl again as a) I don't want to be swayed by her, b) My feelings were like this before I even met her and c) I need to do this myself - I need to do it for the right reasons.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like you're heading in the right direction. Just remember that honesty is the way forward. If you're not into giving it a try with your current girl, don't let her believe you are.

    Good luck with it all :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well. That's it. It's all over. Been to see her tonight, took her somewhere neutral to talk and told her exactly how I feel. That I wasn't going to try make it work when I know it wouldn't, etc.

    She said straight away that I'm not going on the holiday, that she is taking a mate - which is fine by me.

    She left angry, upset and without saying bye to me. I felt bad for her and her family too, however feel loads better in myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds odd to say this, but congratulations. It's brave to end it with someone and you can feel proud of yourself for having the guts to do it, rather than taking the easy way out and cheating on her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Many thanks. It hasn't been easy.

    As for the holiday, she is taking her friend if she can afford the spending money. If not, her mum is going with her. I am going to arrange to meet them next week to sort this out.

    At the moment I am probably her most hated person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there she be fine in time people +relationships grow apart+people change.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you did the best thing in a situation like this:yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    doesn't matter how long you've been with girl#1. If the relationship is dead, there is no sense in clinging to it. Break up with her and get with girl#2.

    Be a man and break up BEFORE you are steady with girl#2.

    /e:

    good work man. That's how it should be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You did good.
    Ending things with her in a sensible and fair way (talking about all the issues) will be so much better for the both of you in the long run than if you'd done the dirty and then told her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One further question.. how soon is too soon?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    DJ09 wrote: »
    One further question.. how soon is too soon?

    starting something with the other girl? As soon as you feel it. You broke it off with the gf so everythings possible now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to update you all... I am seeing the other girl and I am so so happy! I honestly feel this has been one of the best decisions I have ever made!

    Although falling down the stairs infront of her parents when meeting them for the first time wasn't the best thing I've ever done haha! But hey, it's all good!
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