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happy but self harm...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
why is it that to everyone (and most of the time to myself) i appear constantly smiley and happy yet i get the urge to self harm. i dont feel depressed or worried about anything that anyone would consider 'serious' and i dont do it for attention because no one knows i do it.
i guess i just feel in control when i cut myself (does that sound strange?)
anyway this was a bit of a pointless thread so u dont have to reply or anything...=/

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no no :) everyone has a right to be heard if they have a problem! I think it is more of a control thing, i think some people like the feeling of power and having control of what they want and do with themselfs, its normal to feel this way, i know people who do! Aslong as your not actually cutting, its all cool :)
    When you say appear to be happy, are you ACTUALLY happy, or jsut put it on?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also get the urge, even when i'm not in a depressed state, sometimes it starts when i feel anxious about something.. i distract myself, and sucessfully calm down, but the urge to self harm continues to niggle at me for days. sometimes weeks :/

    I worry that i 'like' it.. sometimes it is a kind of clinical interest to see what it will be like, an experiment if you like :s
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess i just feel in control when i cut myself (does that sound strange?)

    yes I understand the "control" aspect of what you are saying. I am currently going thru my 2nd miscarriage in 6 months & when I feel like I can't control things ( losing the babies) I find the only thing I can definelty control is what I eat. So I don't eat (not alot anyway). Now in fairness, both times I was pregnant I had a very good appetite so thats nothing to do with the miscarriages. But after the loss you try to control something, & mine is food, just in the same way yours is cutting yourself. It's like we NEED to have some control over something, isn't it? I wish you luck & I hope you feel better soon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aslong as your not actually cutting, its all cool :)
    When you say appear to be happy, are you ACTUALLY happy, or jsut put it on?

    i am cutting tho =/ but not making lots of little cuts i just do one and make it deeper.
    hmm i dunno when im around people i would say im happy inside and out but i guess when im alone i get sad cuz i am alone but then isnt that normal?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm i dunno when im around people i would say im happy inside and out but i guess when im alone i get sad cuz i am alone but then isnt that normal?

    Personally I'm quite happy and content when I'm alone. But then people are all different.
    You just have to ask yourself if you're not happy being alone because you miss the interaction of having other people around you, or if it's because you're not really content with spending time with yourself - in which case being with people could just be a distraction from something inside that isn't as 'happy' as you think it is?

    I would assume (prehaps wrongly), that anyone that self harms isn't at ease with all areas of their life. Prehaps not unhappy, but at least discontented in some way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am cutting tho =/ but not making lots of little cuts i just do one and make it deeper.
    hmm i dunno when im around people i would say im happy inside and out but i guess when im alone i get sad cuz i am alone but then isnt that normal?

    I get the same, i love being with people and interacting with people, but when im on my own i get down, i think i use being with people to get away from problems that dawn on me when im on my own. What i do to stop me from getting down is normally do work, if i throw myself into my work as im on an art course, and some of the projects can be quite time consuming, i normally dont tend to think of my problems.
    Would doing work help you forget about your problems? I mean this is a temporary thing untill you find a pernament solution, as its probally not the best of ideas to turn your back on your problem cause it can easily build up on its self....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am cutting tho =/ but not making lots of little cuts i just do one and make it deeper.
    hmm i dunno when im around people i would say im happy inside and out but i guess when im alone i get sad cuz i am alone but then isnt that normal?

    finally someone thats in the same boat as me!!
    around people im happy and having a good time. When im on my own i get a little down but its good to have those quiet times!
    ive started to self harm after years of not doing it and im finding no reasons for it, well nothing i cant think of! i think that i just like the feel of it, even though i feel guilty afterward.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am cutting tho =/ but not making lots of little cuts i just do one and make it deeper.
    QUOTE]

    Is there any way you can get help for this. Like I understsnd the control aspect of it, but the cutting is worrying? What if it went too far? Of course I can barely stand the sight of blood (I've seen enough of my own in the past 6 months with miscarriages), so I really think you should try to figure out the need to do it. You could end up with nasty scars? I mean, if someone you loved was doing it, wouldn't you want them to get help? Please do try to seek help. good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    NavyBlue wrote: »
    Is there any way you can get help for this. Like I understsnd the control aspect of it, but the cutting is worrying? What if it went too far? Of course I can barely stand the sight of blood (I've seen enough of my own in the past 6 months with miscarriages), so I really think you should try to figure out the need to do it. You could end up with nasty scars? I mean, if someone you loved was doing it, wouldn't you want them to get help? Please do try to seek help. good luck.

    when i was younger i was quite ill with a blood condition which meant that i had nosebleeds for several hours at a time, so im used to the sight of blood haha
    the annoying thing is that i cant pin point why i cut myself...and that i dont really see it as a problem as such...its not like im constantly depressed and cut myself 3 or 4 times a day etc so i dunno whether im 'serious' enough to need help (i kinda feel like a fake if u get me)
    as for the scars...ive got one on my wrist already and one on my thigh and the latest one on my ankle im sure is going to scar too =/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Any cutting is serious, and you shouldn't feel like a fake. I myself cut, but I'm worried to tell people, but I know that my reason is depression, so I try to vent that into running. If your issue is being alone, maybe you could vent that into something? I know you can't be phoning and meeting up with your friends every second, as they will get seriously annoyed lol. But you could turn it into something. Though many people don't think it, lonliness can be quite useful as an emotion, as it can aid creativness. When I feel lonley (which is quite rare for me) or sad or stressed, I draw or write. I'm not usually good at drawing but I've drawn some pretty good stuff when upset, you should try it.

    If the cutting is seriously worrying you, then yes, talk to someone, even if it's a friend it can help. Before I spoke to my friend about it, I never knew that she had actually cut herself before aswell.

    Hope this has been of some use to you :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Any cutting is serious, and you shouldn't feel like a fake. I myself cut, but I'm worried to tell people, but I know that my reason is depression, so I try to vent that into running.
    Hope this has been of some use to you :heart:

    yeah thats what ive been doing sort of...i took up running 4 times a week about two months ago as i thought it would help me release some stress and also get me fitter and maybe lose a bit of weight too which i thought would all help towards my self esteem! dont know how long its meant to take to see some results tho :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah thats what ive been doing sort of...i took up running 4 times a week about two months ago as i thought it would help me release some stress and also get me fitter and maybe lose a bit of weight too which i thought would all help towards my self esteem! dont know how long its meant to take to see some results tho :chin:

    Join a boxing/kickboxing class! you get to beat out some punches on the punch bags, you get to spar at the end of it, and you learn a nifty thing or two! It was a great way to release so un-wanted stress when i use to do it :thumb:

    Anyway, I hope your feeling better, and keep us posted :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've always said that cutting is addictive, the endorphins that the pain releases make you think that you're in control. You're not in control, otherwise you'd stop, but it's a strong feeling and it's hard to walk away from it.

    I stopped because it stopped working for me. I haven't done it properly for years. I can't really give a 10-point plan to guarantee stopping, except to say that it can be done if you keep trying. Oh, and that slipping and cutting again is not the end of the world.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for your help everyone. its been a few weeks and im still going strong im not feeling much better but somehow have been able to express this through crying not cutting which has gotta be good hasnt it?
    im hoping really really hoping that when my exams are over and i leave college all the problems will go away and i can enjoy my gap year and get on with life! or is that too much to ask for? :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Icing On The Cake :wave:

    Great to hear from you again sorry your not feeling much better , but you say you ve been able to express this through crying?

    How you finding that? are you alone or with friends or family?. Its a great way to release any emotion your feeling, helping you to reduce your cutting.

    Its never too much to ask to enjoy your life :thumb:, you ve been studying for exams and thats never easy.

    It sounds like your more aware of how you feel with things and this may help you when you finish college, what are you doing for your gap year?, hope it all goes well

    take care, good luck with your exams , keep us posted
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry i seem to be dragging my old post up again and ur probably sick of hearing about it by now!
    feeling better i guess and i recon after exams everything should be better permanently...fingers crossed!
    i did a search but didnt really find anything on any excuses i could use for why i have a scar on my thigh?! i managed to use cutting my arm in an alley and cutting my ankle at thorpe park but im stuck with this one and when i went to put on shorts earlier u could see it so had to go change otherwise mum would ask questions! and its coming up to summer now so would like to show off my (pale, pasty and flabby) legs a wee bit :P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello icing On The cake

    Good to hear from you, no need to apolgise this is your forum to be able to rant and post when you need :)

    How would it be to talk to your mum about the scars, explaining how far you`ve come?

    Keep in touch take care:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mini me wrote: »
    Hello icing On The cake

    Good to hear from you, no need to apolgise this is your forum to be able to rant and post when you need :)

    How would it be to talk to your mum about the scars, explaining how far you`ve come?

    Keep in touch take care:)

    i could never tell her im afraid, she doesnt sleep the night before one of my exams because she worries so much...how could i break that to her.
    when im driving i keep having the urge to swerve off into a tree just to make it all go away. :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i could never tell her im afraid, she doesnt sleep the night before one of my exams because she worries so much...how could i break that to her.
    when im driving i keep having the urge to swerve off into a tree just to make it all go away. :crying:

    even though you say you are happy, saying that you want to swerve into a tree to make it go away doesnt really speak happy to me....No problems that happened when you was younger, and its suddenly cropped up? Could you try seeing your docto/GP? (im sorry if someones already mentioned this, im very tired :p) They could have something that will help you, or maybe (if there is) find the underlaying problem that is causing this?
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