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Ok so...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
im watching Rikki Lake and its titled "Why dont we have sex?"
its about gals who's bf's have stopped having sex with them and it turns outevery single one of these men is cheating and sleeping with other women.
this worries me slightly as things between me and my bf are going downhill sexually, we've just stopped having sex and even when i practically beg him [degrading i know but im desperate!] he just brushes me off with all sorts of excuses.
and even when we DO have sex, its awful, its like he cant be bothered or his mind is elsewhere, i dont get climax anymore and it doesnt seem to bother him.
also, i noticed a spot on his penis, he told me it was just like a regular spot [he's had a history of bad skin] and that men get them there occasionally, is this true or is it something he's caught off someone else?
btw. i know RL isnt really a reliable source
but it still got me thinking
its about gals who's bf's have stopped having sex with them and it turns outevery single one of these men is cheating and sleeping with other women.
this worries me slightly as things between me and my bf are going downhill sexually, we've just stopped having sex and even when i practically beg him [degrading i know but im desperate!] he just brushes me off with all sorts of excuses.
and even when we DO have sex, its awful, its like he cant be bothered or his mind is elsewhere, i dont get climax anymore and it doesnt seem to bother him.
also, i noticed a spot on his penis, he told me it was just like a regular spot [he's had a history of bad skin] and that men get them there occasionally, is this true or is it something he's caught off someone else?
btw. i know RL isnt really a reliable source
but it still got me thinking 0
Comments
It could be one of several reasons.
Does he take any medication? Sometimes that doesn't help.
Is he stressed out at work?
Have you tried speaking to him about it? Tried asking why he's not interested?
he works weekends at a snack bar, i hardly think thats stressful for him and he alwasy tells me his problems.
i do talk to him about it, he knows im upset about this but he just doesnt seem to want to remedy it, its like he knows im upset, he knows WHY im upset but he doesnt try to do anyhting about it.
sometimes we're lying in bed, im in a mood becasue ive got the brush-off AGAIN and i just ask him "whats wrong with me? Do you still find me attractive?" he says "no theres nothing wrong with and and of course i find you attractive!"
he just rolls over and goes to sleep, in the morning, im still a bit hurt but he just acts as though i havent said anything or as if the previoous nights discussuion never happened.
Hmm... Maybe just really be blunt. Tell him how you're feeling and tell him that it's making you worried. He needs to know that this upsets you.
Men should want sex! Especially when given to them on a plate.
You could always try do something that you know he really likes just to warm him up a bit.
he's a 20-year old lad [what 20-year old lad DOESNT want sex on tap?]
im scared of trying stuff to spice it up becasue if i get brushed off again when ive really made an effort, ive feel like a complete fool.
it also worries me that 90% of his friends are girls hes always texting them and inviting them out for coffee...
you dont think he's getting it elsewhere do you?
I bloody well hope not! If he is I'll round castrating him. I can't stand a man that cheats.
Unless....well...He's 20 years old, still very young, and most of his friends are girls... I don't really want to say this but, there isn't a chance that he could be gay? Or is he bi?
Just an idea.
But yeah, you really need to have it out with him. It's not nice making you feel neglected whatever the reason.
well, he HAS had gay sex...but that was years ago, he doent like to talk about it and said he'd never do it again.
if i found out he's cheated, i really dont know what id do, i always ask him about cheating and stuff [no ask him outright if he has or not, just talking baout it in general] and he says he'd never cheat on me...hmmm...
i HATe chaters! ive never cheated in my life and i honestly dont see why people do it.
i just figure, if hes lost interest in me, then maybe hes getting it from someone else...
I think first approach the subject and make sure there's not a deeper underlying problem. Maybe he's feeling really depressed or anxious about something and hasn't been able to tell you. Let him know that you're there for him and that you want to help.
If he tries to assure you that nothing is wrong, then you need to ask about the sex and let him know how you feel. Only then should you ask if his feelings about you have changed/suggest that he's going elsewhere.
Hope it all goes well for you, let us know what happens xxx
I mean, girls do it all the time and guys don't set the alarms ringing.
That is sane advice, the rest is a bit alarmist. (in my opinion)
There's your answer right there.
Talk to him. Don't make assumptions based on bullshit exploitative chat shows.
Or is that unlawful?
Sorry
As for your situation, your man seems to be behaving in a downright selfish manner. Any man who's worth his salt will want to bend over backwards (perhaps not literally, in some cases but I digress) to make sure that he pleases the missus in bed. How long has he been like this? If it's a temporary thing, there are obviously issues that need to be resolved. If it's always been like this, it's a bad sign.
As a man who's had acne in the past, I can tell you that spots do tend to appear in the most awkward and unusual of places. It wasn't particularly fun when I had one growing in between my arse cheeks, that much is for sure. I've never heard of a man getting a spot like that on his penis, however. Without a more detailed description, there's no way of knowing what it could be or where it came from, if anywhere at all.
You don't have much experience with women do you?
I know me and my ex were having far less sex towards the end of our relationship than we did at the start, it's not about having sex on the plate. It's actually wanting the sex, if there's problems you just don't feel comfortable doing it.
Not saying your relationship is going to end Ri but there is a problem there.
how long have you been together? because sex lives have ups and downs like normal life..
but do confront him and ask him what it is thats changed things between you.
btw, what are the excuses he's coming up with? because a couple of friends of mine nearly broke up after having similar problems, when actually his thyroid wasn't working properly, so he genuinely as tired all the time.
I think its one thing to have mismatched sex drives, but if he never wants it and is always rejecting you, then there is definitely a deeper problem.
I feel for you because i remember how badlymy self esteem took a battering.
It doesnt mean its your fault
It could be any number of things but you won't know unless you ask. I had a friend who in his late teens just went totally off having sex and has had a pretty up and down Lobido ever since but he's been going out with girls all of the time and been pretty devestated when they've effectively dumped him for not bein amorous enough...
I'm the female equivalent of this. My labido has seriously plummeted and my bf nows that I love him but just hardley want sex.
I would try not to focus on the thought of him cheating as this may be completely wrong! I'd just sit him down and ask him out right what is going on!
That probably doesn't help.
and this is no seedy offer either
WIN!
Although cheating could be a reason, it's one of several possible. Stress, depression, maybe a physical problem which he doesn't want to share, can all be reasons.
i do! its even got to the point where i stop with the hints and put my hand down his pants! i even started playing with myself but he just asked me if i was okay
we've been together almost 17 months, but we've lived together about 5 months
the excuses he comes up with are "im tired", "im not in a sexy mood", "he's sleeping" "youve got to be up in the morning", "i promise ill do it tomorrow" [which never comes around...], or just simply says "No"
its really geting me down, whats changed between us?
you know what happened last night? i dressed up in his favourte sexy outfit [red satin corset and lact french knicker] i had a full plan for the night, starting with a massage etc, i really put in alot of effort and he knows i did but he just brushed me off again.
i spent the whole night crying in the toilet.
i dont know what to do, i absolutly adore him, i couldnt even begin to imagine my life without him but i dont know what to do
right at this very moment in time, im in bed with bad stomach cramps and just needing a cuddle and do u know where he is??
he's driven into town to get a beer with oe of his 'girlfriends'
hes really hurting me and he doesnt care :crying:
Aww no Ri! I'm so sorry to hear that! Didn't he say anything to you when you were crying and upset? That's just not on. That's not even necessarily about the sex, that's about him not paying attention where it's due.
I think it's time you make it perfectly clear to him how you're feeling, and if he doesn't care then he needs to realise that he risks losing you. I'm sorry, but you deserve so much better than that.
i got in a really rage at him which never happens! im so not an angry person!
anyhoo, his answer?
"we're in an adult relationship now, things change, we have sex 2-3 times a week, thats normal"
i say "who said that had to be? Who said things had to change just because you think so? Just becasue its normal??"
[ffs, we're not even a slightly normal couple!]
so, in a nutshell, his feeling towards me have changed, hes got comfortable and doesnt want me as much anymore [which gives me esteem a huge boost[/sarc]
me? my feeling for him havent changed a bit, im still crazy about him, i want him all the time anywhere! i still get butterflies when i see him and mentally undress him, nice to know he doesnt think like that towards me anymore...
i know its not his fault, but it actually made me feel worse.
now i know he doesnt fancy me as much anymore and it upsets me...
when they get bored, isnt that when they start to stray?
you think this is the end? or the start of the end?