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Ive fallen in love with someone I cant love

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
How do you cope when you have fallen in love with some one you know you cannot love?

The person I have fallen for is married, as am I (happily I must add) but she has done something to me which I haven?t experienced before. She just is amazing- you know when you see a beautiful lady (or male for you girls) and you cannot help but stare for what seems an eternity?; well that?s what it feels like for me. I cannot help but think of her- she has become the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep at night & my heart races with desire when I see her. I long to be with her but know I cant.

HELP

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confused_2008 wrote: »
    How do you cope when you have fallen in love with some one you know you cannot love?

    The person I have fallen for is married (happily I must add) but she has done something to me which I haven’t experienced before. She just is amazing- you know when you see a beautiful lady (or male for you girls) and you cannot help but stare for what seems an eternity?; well that’s what it feels like for me. I cannot help but think of her- she has become the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep at night & my heart races with desire when I see her. I long to be with her but know I cant.

    HELP

    Sounds more like lust to me.

    Can you not just avoid her? Might help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I work with her- closely which kills me....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You work with her. She is happily married. She is unobtainable. This makes you unhappy. You need to break the contact. You need to find a new job.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    You work with her. She is happily married. She is unobtainable. This makes you unhappy. You need to break the contact. You need to find a new job.

    Not an option
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you're just gonna have to come to terms then and get it into your head that nothing will EVER happen.

    There isnt really much help we can give, its upto you and how you deal with it. If you stay as your are you will just go utterly crazy and thats not good for you. Get out there a find someone else, who is available.

    But yes, i know, doing that is easier said then done.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds a bit like forbidden fruit syndrome to me..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    D'oh. Twice in one day i've misread.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    xsazx wrote: »
    OP is married with kids according to his other threads I thought?
    I am (it does say Im married at top of this thread).......

    Please dont start with the whole 'you cant be greedy, be happy with what you have got' as i have punished myself for the last 4 months with that.

    I am amazingly happy at home & with my children. I wouldnt jepordise that.

    But I am finding it hard to ignore my heart & I struggle to keep my emotions down when im with her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    Sounds a bit like forbidden fruit syndrome to me..
    I know it is
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Never gonna happen just think your happy as you are and that if anytiing ever happened it would only be momenterily
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confused_2008 wrote: »
    Not an option

    Well, there is no other advice then. You should know that she cannot possibly be perfect. No one is. She probably farts in bed and then holds her husband's head under the blankets.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    Well, there is no other advice then. You should know that she cannot possibly be perfect. No one is. She probably farts in bed and then holds her husband's head under the blankets.

    Whats wrong with that? It might be the perfect fart :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh, it may be the perfect fart ... but perfect people don't fart. They just stand outside for some reason ... :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK so Im worried now- after over a week of not seeing her (whihc I thought may help me to stop thinking about her) I will be seeing her tomorrow. Last night I lay there until 3 am thinking about her. I feel really bad as my wife was hugging me in her sleep!! I tried to stop it but I cant!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe I should have said this earlier- we have kissed before.....

    I was just up in her office & I nearly did again!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate, its going abit too far really. You have a wife who you say you're happy with and kids. Come on! What you doing?!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    Mate, its going abit too far really. You have a wife who you say you're happy with and kids. Come on! What you doing?!
    I know- dont you think I have told myself this so many times already?!! As I laya wake at night thinking about it & how greedy & horrible I am being!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you HAVE to change jobs. Of COURSE its an option.
    Your lovely wife and children have got to be worth it. You will lose them if you cheat.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have thought about that all morning- Im on the look out.....trouble is if I leave my post here for a non-similar job I wont qualify
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think your family are the most important thing in the world - otherwise what are you working for? Even if you take less money, its worth it to save your marriage.

    I think you should also consider going to marriage counselling
    http://www.relate.org.uk/
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh Dear! Think about how you would feel if your wife was having these feelings for another man?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just feel sorry for your wife.
    Lust after her, instead.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if your feelings for this other woman genuine, then have you told her, found out if she actually feels the same. Life is way to short, talk to her if the feelings are not mutual then you can walk away. If you say nothing you will only regret it and these feelings will never go away, maybe being let down by her will help you to forget about her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to agree with hd107092.
    Clearly your marriage and home life aren't as great as all that, or you wouldn't be looking twice at other women, let alone thinking you'd fallen in love with someone else. If you do just get a new job and walk away, you will waste a lot of the rest of your life wondering about what might have been.

    Imho you need to do 2 things -
    First, try to talk to this other woman and establish wether she has any feelings for you. If she does, then you've got a big decision to make. If she doesn't, then at least you'll have some closure and be able to move on.
    Second, you need to think long and hard about your marriage, how much time and energy you need to put into falling in love with your wife again, and whether or not you want to - I think thats something you need to address, regardless of what happens with this other woman.

    Be brave, and good luck.
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