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Fucking timewasters
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm getting really pissed off with timewasters.
In the last few months I've met 3 or 4 women and it's always gone the same way, see how it goes etc then soon enough after texting and the odd phone call it's "sorry, I don't really want a relationship".
If it's something that I'm doing (or not doing as the case may be) then they should at least have the balls to say so. But no, there's always a crappy excuse.
In the last few months I've met 3 or 4 women and it's always gone the same way, see how it goes etc then soon enough after texting and the odd phone call it's "sorry, I don't really want a relationship".
If it's something that I'm doing (or not doing as the case may be) then they should at least have the balls to say so. But no, there's always a crappy excuse.
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Maybe, maybe not. Your post sounds really angry and if you're being like that with the women then I'm not surprised they don't want it to go further.
If they are maybe just wanting to see how things go and not make a decision either way and you're pushing for a full blown relationship they'll probably get scared off.
In any case, I make clear before anything starts I'm looking for a relationship. If they don't want that then they should even get to know me at that level.
What I'm trying to say is that sometimes you don't know you want that type of relationship with someone until you have got to know them. So if you're saying I want a relationship now and they are just wanting to test the water a bit first then it might put them off. That could be the reason they are ending it before it starts if you see what I mean.
If they had gotten into a relationship with you that was going nowhere, you could have become too attached and ended up breaking up with them anyway, which would have meant more heartache.
If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
I don't think it's anyone's fault unless they were leading you on. But it sounds like the girls wanted to give you a serious chance before committing to a relationship or not.
Sorry about your recent misfortune.
4 women in a row? I appreciate what you're saying but it's just so lame. The latest was one I hadn't even met yet - she was my mate's gf's friend and they wanted to pair us up. Like I said I hadn't even met her but was willing to give her a chance as she did me. We text quite a bit then out of the blue this morning, a text saying it's probably not a good idea I wait around for her, she's happy in her own life right and all that bollocks :mad:
I mean, that might be true and all the power to her but she might have let on to me about it at the start. And if it's something she's not telling me then I'm glad I didn't get involved with someone who doesn't have the balls to be honest with me.
I think most people would freak out if the person they had only really just met and texted a bit wanted a relationship with them.
Just get to know them,go to bed with them:razz: and let things happen naturally.
So how does that mean she is wasting your time? She told you up front.
If you are pushing for a relationship right from the beginning then you aren't really giving any opportunity for things to develop in this way. They can probably sense you wanting to get very serious very quickly and that scares them off if that isn't what they are specifically looking for too. If a guy said to me "I'm looking for a relationship" RIGHT at the beginning and I wasn't really out looking for one but wasn't completely opposed to the idea either, then I would probably spend some time getting to know him/go on a few dates but if he wanted to turn that into a serious relationship before I was ready then I wouldn't continue seeing him.
It isn't always as clear cut as - "I'm going to want a relationship with you" or "I don't want any relationships at all" - life isn't like that, it is usually a case of "I'm not LOOKING for a relationship and I'm happy with my life but if someone comes along that I really connect with and we fall into it naturally, then a relationship may develop". If you're pushing for an answer one way or the other right away then, in my opinion, girls are likely to back away.
And sometimes you just don't feel that connection with someone, it isn't anything personal or that they've done anything wrong, sometimes you can quite fancy them but they just aren't someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't take it personally.
We first got in touch about a month ago. I had the text this morning. She could have told me a month ago.
I always say at the start I'm looking for a relationship - that way they then know my intentions from the start and it gives them the chance to do a runner straight away, or keep me at arm's length or whatever. If that's what they do and say then I have 100% respect for their feelings. At the same time I ask if they're after a relationship too. If they say yes then I proceed.
Another example was a few months ago, I started 'seeing' this girl I've known for years. At the start I said obviously she didn't owe me anything but if she ends up meeting someone else (she's a bit of a party animal), would she have the courtesy to just let me know - I wouldn't go nuts or anything (not in my nature and she knows this), but just so I know to back off and not end up pissing her off - and she agreed.
Everything was cool for a few weeks then I saw her status on facebook saying she was in a relationship and had been for about a week. I dropped it in to conversation and she was like "oh, um yeah, sorry, was going to tell you but I was busy".
Such bollocks!
Some women just simply dont have the balls to say they dont want a relationship at the start, some probably did try with you and did want a relationship but just not with you and used the old "not ready" excuse to bail out.
Just dont lose hope and eventualy you will find a girl whos worth it!
If you go about advertising that you want to be in a relationship from the start then girls will think it's desperate and you'll scare them off (not saying you are, that's just how most of the girls I know think)
It also means that any relationship will be based on the fact that you "want" a relationship, rather than being based on the fact you have a laugh together/have shit in common.
The best bit for me is when you don't know whether they like you or not and you have fun flirting etc.
Yor approach should be more "see how it goes" than "please sign this legally binding contract stating you want a relationship before we proceed with any further contact"
Bollocks to that. Whatever happened to being straightforward with people?
So if a woman asks what I want, or as in some cases asks me if I'm after a relationship what am i supposed to do, lie?
It's not lying, it's just making your intentions a bit less obvious.
People don't see things in black and white any more. The only way you can find out if there's something there with somebody is to spend time and get to know them, rather than demand on the spot answers as to whether they want a full blown relationship with you or not.
I think you're doing it the wrong way round. Concentrate on spending time with people you want to be around and see if anything happens that way, rather than acting like there's a position of "girlfriend" that needs to be fill and timewasters need not apply.
So you're saying that even though you don't know them that well you still want a relationship with them. Many women will find that off putting to say the least.
I think Bri-namites advice is spot on. You don't want your dates to think that all you want is a relationship whether it be with them or the next girl.
You're misunderstand what I'm saying. I don't tell them I want a relationship with them, I say I'm after something meaningful and not just a fling, a shag or whatever.
Either way, it still may be a bit off putting.
Bri-namite has posted some really good advice in my opinion so maybe give that a try, it cant hurt.
That's exactly what I do - the one I mentioned earlier who was "too busy" to tell me she'd found someone else, I've known her for about 2 years.
In that case I can't win - if my saying I'm after something meaningful might be off-putting, I'm sure my saying the opposite (such as "let's just get on the bed and fuck like nasty dogs") wouldn't be well-received either.
I've already said that's not what I say to them.
Sorry, I'll try and give a little background here.
I'm 34. 10 or 15 years ago I was Glenn Quagmire. If it had (feminine) breasts and a pulse I'd be up it like a rat up a drainpipe. I'm not proud, but it's what I was like. Let's just say at one point I was on first-name terms with the lady on the reception at the GUM clinic.
I then got older and a little wiser and realised that sort of lifestyle was going nowhere and I always ended up feeling empty. Over the years I realised I wanted more than that. I wanted relationships which actually meant something.
By saying to someone "I'm in to relationships" I'm also saying "I'm not just after your tasty cakes". I've got no interest in returning to that lifestyle. I'm not saying I want to meet a woman this week and be married by the end of the month, just....not a one night stand.
Also a lot of the time women lead guys on because even if they know the spark isnt there, well, the attentions nice.
Maybe, maybe not. I've been single for coming up to a year now, and haven't been actiely looking for anything since. Whether or not I'm bitter about something doesn't change the fact that there are different possibilities. Most people in this thread have said basically tha G. Quagmire is in the wrong, I thought I would chip in with my experience and say that equally there are women who just want to 'play' guys.
A friend recently went on a date with a girl, who told him she had a boyfriend (after of course he had paid for everything), but was going to break up with him. So two weeks later they go on another date, and she is doing the whole snuggling into him thing, and same thing happens "i like you but I'm not ready for a relationship" yet dipping in and out of a relationship with another guy at the same time.
I don't think it's every woman - that would be nonsense - but just as others have suggested it's GQ having unreasonable expectations, I have suggested that the other possibility could be he's picking women who are after the attention and so will act in a way to nurture that attention (i.e. going on dates, you name it) but will ultimately be what GQ calls 'timewasters'.