Dating Etiquette?!

Former Member

I met a lovely guy down the pub through a mate from ju jitsu class last week, we have loads of mutual interests and it seemed to make sense that we met up, and seeing as i seemed to be so far behind on episodes of house, he came over with his laptop so we could watch house.

that didn't last very long, we ended up tickling each other to distraction and ended up kissing for what seemed like a very long time...

anyway...he then said that he likes me, but he wants to get to know me better before sleeping with me...all fine by me! i've had enough of men that seem to hang around for one thing and one thing only. Plus, not only is he good looking but has a great personality and we could (and hopefully will) sit down for hours and chat about everything from TV and music to the string theory...

So, no problem...pretty straight forward? Errmmm not really! I've never really done whole dating thing, i'm used to having someone throw themselves at me, or doing likewise...

it feels ridiculous asking about dating etiquette when i'm 19 next week and have had good-the quality is always debateble- handful of partners/lovers. But i've never done this before, my relationships normally always start by being thrown head first into a passionate melting pot (which seems to quickly peater out or explode but anyway)...

what should i or shouldn't i do/say ect on the first couple of dates? any advice would be really good, as i seem to normally have a way of messing things up. i really want to give this one every chance to bloom into something more...

Former Member

I can't think of any don't says for the 1st date apart from "will you marry me?" hehe. I say just go with the flow.

Former Member

yeah i've said that once this year, thats plenty enough to last me for a HELL of a long time

going to see avenue Q...

Former Member

Ooo that sounds good I've seen it on the telly. I'm rubbish at dating too so I'm not the best person to give advice

Former Member

I would say, as far as possible try to see meeting up with him as you would meeting up with a mate. This will hopefully relax you - if you start thinking of it as a "Date" (purposefully capitalised) then it will become a huge deal in your head and you will find it harder to be yourself. The other thing to remember is that he's bound to be as nervous as you, if not more so, so try not to worry about making a fool of yourself in front of him and concentrate more on putting him at ease (which will take your mind off your own nerves). It sounds like you guys have plenty to talk about anyway so shouldn't run out of conversation topics, but asking him about himself is always a good one should that happen...other than that, just try to remember how much you like spending time with him and try to enjoy it for what it is - a chance for you to have fun with someone you like - rather than something that has to be played to certain rules or etiquette. You'll be fine And I'm very jealous, by the way! This is (imo) one of the best times of a relationship or potential relationship - you can't beat that happy excited feeling. Just enjoy it!

Former Member

Other than avoiding the topic of past relationships then there isn't really anything that's a no no.

As has been said, you're both going to be nervous and it's understandable, but if you see it as making a new friend rather than constantly thinking of what could be in the future it should be easier.

Show interest in him and his hobbies, ask questions about them so you understand and so on. If you find topics in common then share experiences of those topics and you should start to relax.

If you're comfortable with having the mick taken out of you a bit then I often find the once the initial hobby chat and so on is over then getting onto little embarrassing stories often from childhood is a great way to actually relax the atmosphere and get onto a more personal tone with the other person.

Most of all though just try and enjoy it and good luck.

Former Member

Oooh I love Avenue Q!

Might be worth looking to see if you can find a nice indie cafe in Covent Garden to go to afterwards as a change from the noisy pubs? There is one on Monmouth St (I think) called Coffee, Cake and Kink but when my girlfriend tried to take me there for a first date I didn't know what to think! Depending on his tastes, might be a conversation point....

Former Member

sounds like my cup of tea...not sure if its his...

i'm getting so paranoid tho, when he doesn't text back, i wonder if i'm asking too much or if i've said the wrong thing...

i just asked for clarification on if we might be going tonight or tomorrow, cos i've got loads of stuff to sort out in order for me to go... but argh!

Former Member

ok, he didn't text back...

i waited all day and he didn't text...

i think i might call him just very casualy later to see if he's going down the pub later or not. I'll go reguardless cos i go with the ju jitsu guys, but its pissed me off a bit...

Former Member

another quick update!

He's had really bad food poisoning all week, thus the lack of texts, but he sent me one yesterday along the lines of that he misses me and feels guilty for not seeing me and that he'll give me a second birthday next week...

i'm quite happy how it is now, but bloody wish there was something i could do to make him better!

Former Member

TT i think you need to start getting a little less paranoid about people texting back!

God knows ive managed to forget to text people for days on end, with no malice intended.

Former Member

im rubbish with texting and messaging people back too

Former Member

I know it's really hard not to feel disappointed when they don't text (yes, I do it all the time too!!) but try keep your cool and things will feel so much better.

He sounds like a lovely chap and sounds like you two are getting on famously well...keep us updated

Former Member

I haven't a clue whats going on here, i am so confused...

He's better now, and i he came to see my gig today, couldn't stay for very long as he had to help a friend. he left a message during the gig saying that he would see me later on. I called him after an he said he'd call me in half an hour. He did, and then said to call him back cos he still didn't know what was happening. So i called him twice, and the second time he picked up and said that he was at a friend's house and wasn't coming (this is after he'd said in previous calls he felt guilty for not seeing me and such)...

This mega pissed me off, and i started thinking about a friend of mine that i'm kinda interested in. So to decide it, i sent them both a text saying, you know i like you, but i want to know if you really feel the same...

neither replied...

not only do i feel stupid, i feel really upset too...

the guy i'm meant to be seeing though did tell me to call him tomorrow evening to see if he was busy...but....argh!

Help!

Former Member

Men!

Indrid Cold

It sounds to me like this friend of his needed something important from him and so he had to stay.

Former Member

i think i am being overly paranoid, and i'm sure he's not messing around, i just don't no how i can just chill out about it...

i had a friend tell me i was being a bit of a bunnyboiler over it...i hate that word...

Former Member

twisted_trinity wrote: »

i think i am being overly paranoid, and i'm sure he's not messing around, i just don't no how i can just chill out about it...

i had a friend tell me i was being a bit of a bunnyboiler over it...i hate that word...

I think you do need to chill out a little and stop looking into things too much!
Don't be texting them/phoning them all the time let them get in touch with you. If it takes a few days don't worry about it, it doesn't mean they are avoiding you they could be busy etc.

I know it's hard not to think the worse but if you keep acting like this it will prob scare them off in the end!

Former Member

You text two guys at the same time saying you liked them? It does seem like you are being a 'bunnyboiler' about it - chill out a bit.

Former Member

i'm not calling him all the time! he's been calling me or i've called him when he's asked. But its all just going round and round in my head and i feel like i'm just having a major freak out

Former Member

Do you like both of these guys then? I dont know, texting them both the same thing at the same time and leaving it upto fate (whatever that is) just seems to me like you just want someone..either one. I could be wrong

Former Member

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

Do you like both of these guys then? I dont know, texting them both the same thing at the same time and leaving it upto fate (whatever that is) just seems to me like you just want someone..either one. I could be wrong

Have to agree

to the op, what would you have done if they had BOTH replied sayin they liked you too...?

Former Member

i fancy both, but i am falling in love with only one. One is a good mate, and the most flirtatious little bitch i've ever met, and i want to keep him as just a good mate. The other i think feels the same, seeing as he was trying to maul my neck before i did my gig last night.

I do want one, and not just someone, but i got drunk last night and ended up texting the same thing partly under peer presure and drunkeness, and to see if i'd get a response from the guy i like. it was all very silly indeed...

Former Member

Well he was so pissed off about me not calling til late on saturday, that he wouldn't let me hug or kiss him. and then last night he kissed a girl whilst sitting next to me.....

and then had a go at me for giving him a dirty look....

i'm kinda upset now

Former Member

bloodty hell loobs. you love going for weirdo arseholes dont you

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

bloodty hell loobs. you love going for weirdo arseholes dont you

:yes:

Actually, it seems like she goes for the first person that shows her any kind of interest, and then, indeed, goes a bit bunny boiler.

Former Member

twisted_trinity wrote: »

Well he was so pissed off about me not calling til late on saturday, that he wouldn't let me hug or kiss him. and then last night he kissed a girl whilst sitting next to me.....

and then had a go at me for giving him a dirty look....

i'm kinda upset now

what a knobber, seriously who does that??

you really don't need that type of bloke, hope you're okay

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

:yes:

Actually, it seems like she goes for the first person that shows her any kind of interest, and then, indeed, goes a bit bunny boiler.

thats really not the case...

he seemed quite nice at first, but obviously doesn't understand basic concepts of adult relationships...

Yeah, fine i got quite paranoid about it, but considering my previous was a complete junkie and nutcase i think thats reasonably normal. Oh, and to top that off, i found out today that my ex was taking crack when we were going out...

what the hell is going on? why am i attracting twats?