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How does EVERYONE manage to hook up??

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    If you because happy, secure and content by yourself maybe when it came to meeting girls you'll come across as less desperate.
    OK. Now how do I magically "become" happy, secure and content by myself? As said before I am actually happy with how everything in my life, there's very little I'd change about myself, EXCEPT from experience I know damn well how much more happy, secure and content I am when in a happy relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    OK. Now how do I magically "become" happy, secure and content by myself? As said before I am actually happy with how everything in my life, there's very little I'd change about myself, EXCEPT from experience I know damn well how much more happy, secure and content I am when in a happy relationship.

    Your not suddenly going to become secure, happy and content just because you're in a relationship. Surely what you are saying is - I was happy in the past in the relationship I was in.

    That doesn't mean you'll feel the same way automatically in a new relationship - especially if you've gone into because you imagine it's suddenly going to make your life the same as it was before.

    No one is saying you can magically become happy, but there's plenty of advice out there to help with it - but you won't find it if you keep just trying to pull women to make yourself feel better.

    I honestly find it hard to imagine, given the amount of anger and upset you've shown that you really feel that happy or okay right now. So the question is a pretty simple one - do you want to be happy or do you just want a girlfriend?

    Because the two aren't automatically the same thing and going into a relationship expect everything to suddenly improve may be a very ill-advised idea, for you and for her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jim V wrote: »
    Your not suddenly going to become secure, happy and content just because you're in a relationship. Surely what you are saying is - I was happy in the past in the relationship I was in.

    That doesn't mean you'll feel the same way automatically in a new relationship - especially if you've gone into because you imagine it's suddenly going to make your life the same as it was before.

    No one is saying you can magically become happy, but there's plenty of advice out there to help with it - but you won't find it if you keep just trying to pull women to make yourself feel better.

    I honestly find it hard to imagine, given the amount of anger and upset you've shown that you really feel that happy or okay right now. So the question is a pretty simple one - do you want to be happy or do you just want a girlfriend?

    Because the two aren't automatically the same thing and going into a relationship expect everything to suddenly improve may be a very ill-advised idea, for you and for her.
    Jim this is the 2nd time you've suggested that I just want a girlfriend, any girl will do, in order to be happy, when in fact I've repeatedly said I want a 'happy relationship' / a girl I really like. Every time in the past when I've been in a relationship with a girl I really like, and I don't have any concerns / uncertainties / issues, and there's been the potential for something long-term, I've been on top of the world, everything's nicely fallen into place. When I was with a girl and didn't feel things were right, it seemed a bit futile so I quickly ended things. Whilst nothing's worse than this feeling of hopelessness the last 2 months that I just can't pull in a brothel, the repeated crash and burns have killed my confidence. I know people have said to just not bother / not go out but I have good friend's birthday parties and things via work I have to go to every few days, quite often end up meeting girls by chance there who I potentially like, and get nowhere - try it on and get friendzoned, or try and play it cool for some other cunt to go pull them instead. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: This useless feeling is heavily affecting my job, once again I'm sitting here moping at 1am when I have to be up for work in a few hours..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate,you sound desperate,are trying too hard,always hunting and want to get something from a girl.
    Plus,when your talking to a woman you probably come across as "too nice" which girls interpret as "boring and dull".
    Im not saying this to insult you but you have to realise you need to thrill a woman,you need to excite her and get her all flustered.Think of her and what she wants and needs instead of your own selfish problems.
    Grow some balls,be outrageous with women,say you cant be just friends with her,pile on the innuendo.
    Always try to leave people feeling good and happy about themselves when you talk to them.
    And dont be afraid to walk away from women,for some reason it drives them mad to know more about you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    from this and your other posts you are thinking/worrying about it too much and scaring potential girlfriends off by being too intense and full on.

    if you don't relax about getting a girlfriend you will never get one...there is someone for everyone but you have to be 100% happy with your own company and self first.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    the vast majority of people who're 'below' me on looks, charm, chat, 'niceness', prospects, humour etc still do much better than I do with the ladies.

    How can you actually tell this? There are some people who would consider some of those things to be irrelevant, and there are other people who would make these things seem irrelevant. Who judges say, the Dalai Lama or Socrates on any of those criteria?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Leaf wrote: »
    Mate,you sound desperate,are trying too hard,always hunting and want to get something from a girl.
    Plus,when your talking to a woman you probably come across as "too nice" which girls interpret as "boring and dull".
    Im not saying this to insult you but you have to realise you need to thrill a woman,you need to excite her and get her all flustered.Think of her and what she wants and needs instead of your own selfish problems.
    Grow some balls,be outrageous with women,say you cant be just friends with her,pile on the innuendo.
    Always try to leave people feeling good and happy about themselves when you talk to them.
    And dont be afraid to walk away from women,for some reason it drives them mad to know more about you.
    Hey, thanks for this. Pieces of advice like this I really need. I know I'm not boring/dull - if I was then I wouldn't have people (usually female friends) emailing/txting me non-stop wanting to meet up to chat every bloody evening. Now from what you said, doesn't being "outrageous", and walking away (potentially upsetting/pissing them off) clash with making them feel good/happy? I think I make girls feel good/happy - they always say they're extremely flattered when I say nice things about me, its just the same old "don't feel the same way". Anyway yeah I'm often reading pieces of advice which seem to clash with other advice.. still trying to plough through Quagmire's dating tips website but so much to read there & hardly any time outside work/sleep..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    I'm not the most attractive guy out there but nor am I ugly. I'm not the most socially apt but nor am I inept - I go out, easily meet people, make good conversation, the usual. It doesn't matter if I'm top-notch or mediocre for those qualities, my original point remains - the vast majority of people who're 'below' me on looks, charm, chat, 'niceness', prospects, humour etc still do much better than I do with the ladies.

    The fact that you view people as "below" you is likely to put a lot of people off tbh.

    It's more worthwhile looking at what's unique and interesting about you, rather than measuring yourself against other people. Otherwise you may become so distracted by this fantasy pecking order that you might overlook a really unique and attractive quality about yourself.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It looks almost as if some women feel an obligation to go out with the beaters, paedos, rapists and child killers, and it is disappointing to see the scum doing so well while normal guys get left on the shelf. Even the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe, was married. What a role model!

    What about these women who initiate correspondence with, form relationships with and even marry, convicted killers in prison? That?s so grotesque it?s off the scale, although I grant you that the object of their affections would probably not be boring.

    With regard to the point about obligations, none of us, male or female, has a right per se to sex, relationships or parenthood, as all involve the consent and participation of another person. This is what human solidarity is for.
    Maybe, just maybe these women see something beyond what other people consider to be virtue. I am not condoning murder obviously... But a murderer doesn't hook up on the fact that s/he's a murderer.

    "Nasty" and "nice" aren't sexy... Other things are. However, I do think that people with low self-esteem seek certain character traits, also that many individuals seek people with low self esteem who they can either exploit, or "save".

    I don't think there's anything grotesque about marrying a convicted killer. Why does a murderer deserve love any less?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »

    I do think that people with low self-esteem seek certain character traits, also that many individuals seek people with low self esteem who they can either exploit, or "save"

    This is undoubtedly true, but it’s not the only factor at work in some of these cases
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woops
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    from what you said, doesn't being "outrageous", and walking away (potentially upsetting/pissing them off) clash with making them feel good/happy?

    Oh yeah,exactly what you want to do.The problem with always being nice and "safe" to girls is that theres no edge to you,your too predictable.
    So be outrageous and shock them with things you say and sexual innuendo and never be afraid to walk away from a woman.
    BUT,I want you to know I DO NOT IN ANY WAY mean for you to be horrible,insult women,be a sex pest or ever ever hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable or down on themselves.That is never what I or anyone else especially women want.
    Always try to make them feel good about themselves and leave them feeling better about themselves after speaking to you.
    Takes practice but its great fun.:thumb:
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    still trying to plough through Quagmire's dating tips website but so much to read there & hardly any time outside work/sleep..

    What website is this?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    Hey, thanks for this. Pieces of advice like this I really need. I know I'm not boring/dull - if I was then I wouldn't have people (usually female friends) emailing/txting me non-stop wanting to meet up to chat every bloody evening. ..

    So how come you have trouble getting a girl then?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I'm a workaholic who has virtually no personality, distinctly average looks and is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Yet I seem to have no trouble meeting women. I must be doing something right!
    MrG wrote: »
    So how come you [dunc2008] have trouble getting a girl then?
    All he seems to want is a trophy girlfriend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like tinkler to be fair.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    So how come you have trouble getting a girl then?
    Eh? Girls want to be friends with me because I am fun to be with and interesting, I'm just not sexy / sexually attractive right now, and trying to learn the do's / do not's, chiefly right now not coming across as desparate.

    Just spent the evening getting advice from a professional 'pick-up artist' mate.. gave me lots of really great advice, like how on Facebook to always have mysterious, intriguing status updates which can be a turn-on, always come across as positive, perhaps make it look (subtly) like you have too many girls fighting for you, rather than be so openly single and wanting something as I have recently been doing. He said my image amongst some sets of friends has recently been tarnished, people have been gossiping that I'm desperate which just makes everything worse, and said it'll take a lot of work, and maybe a couple of false rumours from people like himself, to clean up that damaged reputation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Leaf wrote: »
    Oh yeah,exactly what you want to do.The problem with always being nice and "safe" to girls is that theres no edge to you,your too predictable.
    So be outrageous and shock them with things you say and sexual innuendo and never be afraid to walk away from a woman.
    BUT,I want you to know I DO NOT IN ANY WAY mean for you to be horrible,insult women,be a sex pest or ever ever hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable or down on themselves.That is never what I or anyone else especially women want.
    Always try to make them feel good about themselves and leave them feeling better about themselves after speaking to you.
    Takes practice but its great fun.:thumb:

    What website is this?
    Many thanks for that. Quagmire's site is http://topdatingtips.com plenty of good articles there I'm ploughing through slowly!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    I don't think there's anything grotesque about marrying a convicted killer. Why does a murderer deserve love any less?
    Wow! The way I see things, people who are 'good people' - ie have a sincere/genuine warm heart, are nice, hard-working etc deserve ultimate happiness in their lives. People who're evil, nasty, hurtful don't, at the extreme murderers / rapists where they were 100% in the wrong deserve to suffer, or at least not enjoy/deserve happiness. For me a relationship with someone I like would make me very happy, so why do I not deserve that over someone who is, say, a convicted killer?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    Wow! The way I see things, people who are 'good people' - ie have a sincere/genuine warm heart, are nice, hard-working etc deserve ultimate happiness in their lives. People who're evil, nasty, hurtful don't, at the extreme murderers / rapists where they were 100% in the wrong deserve to suffer, or at least not enjoy/deserve happiness. For me a relationship with someone I like would make me very happy, so why do I not deserve that over someone who is, say, a convicted killer?
    People are people. I don't see how anyone can draw the line between an 'evil' person and a 'good' person. It's all completely subjective.

    You are no more deserving of a girlfriend than anyone else... Who the hell 'deserves' another human being anyway?

    We're talking about individuals capable of their own actions and descisions, not trophies for ticking the supposed right boxes.

    You don't deserve shit mate.

    Try a little humility, it'll take you a long way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    You are no more deserving of a girlfriend than anyone else... Who the hell 'deserves' another human being anyway?

    You don't deserve shit mate.

    Try a little humility, it'll take you a long way.

    :yes: Couldnt have put it better myself Namaste.

    As for those tips you seem devoted to, what a load of bull.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Thing this thread is better off closed now.
This discussion has been closed.