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How does EVERYONE manage to hook up??
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I remember reading a statistic that 93% of people in their lifetime will get married [edit: in the UK]. Its probably a bit less now with cohabiting and stuff, but bottom line is that over 99% of people will manage at some point in their lives a meaningful relationship. That applies whether you're talking about a small African tribe, an Indian village, New York or Hong Kong.
Now, for two people to 'hook up' surely there needs to be mutual attraction? This attraction is usually largely based on having a good personality, being a nice person maybe, being seen as charming? And then other things like being good-looking, tall, healthy, ambitious, wealthy, good stable career, etc MAY all have some influence as well.
But... some people have none of those things!!!
Of course 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' for all criteria, but surely they're a lot of people who quite unanimously have zero personality / charm / chat - incredibly dull people without any real interests, who are antisocial and don't really meet many people. Some people are surely quite hideously ugly to virtually everyone. Some are twats - misogynistic women-beaters, disgusting etc. Think about this in Indian or African villages like you see on TV, and there's people very unhealthy - malnourished / in poverty, skin diseases, illiterate so unable to properly converse, no money to raise a family well, and yet... pretty much everyone manages to hook up - get married and have kids!!
So I'm really curious how this phenomenon happens.. is marriage / a long-term partner seen as a 'norm' to the point that people low down the 'pecking order' just hook up with someone they don't actually like due to being unable to get someone they do? Or do they genuinely find similarly 'awful' (whether personality, looks, attitude etc) people actually attractive?
A bit of an odd thread maybe not too well explained, but I'm just so curious how it just seems EVERYONE is a family - married, kids if they want it, and so on. Of course a good lot of marriages don't last, but it takes people a lot of time, effort and qualities to be able to get married in the first place surely, and this doesn't seem to match up with the high proportion of people who don't have the most basic of social / interpersonal skills for that to happen!!
Now, for two people to 'hook up' surely there needs to be mutual attraction? This attraction is usually largely based on having a good personality, being a nice person maybe, being seen as charming? And then other things like being good-looking, tall, healthy, ambitious, wealthy, good stable career, etc MAY all have some influence as well.
But... some people have none of those things!!!
Of course 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' for all criteria, but surely they're a lot of people who quite unanimously have zero personality / charm / chat - incredibly dull people without any real interests, who are antisocial and don't really meet many people. Some people are surely quite hideously ugly to virtually everyone. Some are twats - misogynistic women-beaters, disgusting etc. Think about this in Indian or African villages like you see on TV, and there's people very unhealthy - malnourished / in poverty, skin diseases, illiterate so unable to properly converse, no money to raise a family well, and yet... pretty much everyone manages to hook up - get married and have kids!!
So I'm really curious how this phenomenon happens.. is marriage / a long-term partner seen as a 'norm' to the point that people low down the 'pecking order' just hook up with someone they don't actually like due to being unable to get someone they do? Or do they genuinely find similarly 'awful' (whether personality, looks, attitude etc) people actually attractive?
A bit of an odd thread maybe not too well explained, but I'm just so curious how it just seems EVERYONE is a family - married, kids if they want it, and so on. Of course a good lot of marriages don't last, but it takes people a lot of time, effort and qualities to be able to get married in the first place surely, and this doesn't seem to match up with the high proportion of people who don't have the most basic of social / interpersonal skills for that to happen!!
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Comments
and i think that stat is bullshit...there are a hell of a lot of lonely people in this world
The 93% stat was from UK I think. Let's ignore Africa and India where there's arranged marriages and stuff then and just think about UK. Even here, a lot of people I see walking the streets / at shops and stuff seem to be absolutely ghastly - boring / no chat, unhealthy / morbidly obese, ugly, can't speak properly etc, yet chances better than not they'll get married. Would be curious to have a guess how many Britons get a loveless 'marriage of convenience', that sounds awful.
and there are still marriages of convienence here (for fiancial reasons among other things), i know people that ended up marrying people they didn't really like because they were in their late 30's and thought it was a good thing to do. they got divorced within 3 years but still...and there are still arranged and forced marriages here as well...
and you know that phrase one man's rubbish is another man's treasure? it works with people as well...
It is one of those things that seems like an issue until it's solved then you don't know why you were worrying. As for dating well it doesn't have a strict correlation to attractiveness or anything like that, its more to do with how much you put yourself out there. Example: one friend has had one date in about 6 years but he's probably the most attractive (intellectually and physically) guy I know. He's simply, amazing. Then another friend who we've kind of agreed in a nice way (lol that sounds harsh) has a bit of a rotten personality and has a habit of being a bitch not to mention she's not the prettiest girl ever - well she's normally dating 2 or 3 boys at once (fair play to her).
I don't understand the reasons why necessarily I think half of everything is luck and then the other half is opportunity. You need to be in the right place at the right time to meet the right people. The more people you know the more likely that is to happen and especially the more people you get close to.
I don't know anybody who's married for convenience tho
I don't know it's hard to work out what to do exactly but I think it is about chance and making sure you have the opportunities there. There are some supposedly (do a search for 5 tips for picking up women, lol) that can just walk up to a girl do some moves and they're in there but for me that would feel phoney. Just talk to a girl for half hour, swap numbers maybe, then maybe call her up in teh week and ask if she wants to grab a coffee. Most people meet whoever they're going out with in their workplace / university anyway - being drunk and dancing normally doesn't normally make the best first impression in my (limited) experience anyway.
It is really about luck I think.
Maybe your "pulling" style needs some tweaking.
It's possible you're going the wrong way about things.
No wonder you're single mate.
I'm getting serious deja vu with dunc's posts... :no:
jomery? :chin:
It's a tinkler of a problem, isn't it? :chin:
When a friend of mine got his girlfriend, he would go out and just see if he could hook up if he wanted (not following through, of course). He didn't have anything to lose and tried the most stupid, blunt ways and would succeed. Like, "hey, you're hot, I like you, let's make out." (without having changed a word with her before) - "Hmm, ok!". When he found out it was working he said "hm sorry, changed my mind." (because of his gf).
There is not a whole lot about it. Girls want to get laid too. You should not be afraid of failing and "just do it!", it usually works.
Where can you meet sober, honest girls who when they imply they like you are really going to mean it?
Or should I emigrate to a less alcoholic society?
Answering the original question, I think there is a matter of people going for people they might like a bit, but not that much because they don't want to be on their own. I think it can work quite irrationally as well - it's not like people bring a checklist saying 'Looks? Personality? Money? etc.'. It just happens.
I guess by pulling you mean dancing with someone?
Not particularly interested in the mainstream kind of nightclub, it depends on the type of music that's being played.
All she has to do is forget what happened,point the finger at me and say one word...........
And why would you not point the finger at her?
Some info about this topic from Info Scotland. I know it is a bit sensationalist, and they are probably trying to get people to cut down, but relevant:
<Going home with someone you just met is potentially very risky. Smart people get a number and make a date for another time. If it really won?t wait, at least let a friend know what you're up to. If you're going to have sex, remember to protect your sexual health ? use a condom and/or a dental dam!>
http://www.infoscotland.com/alcohol/displaypage.jsp?pContentID=64&p_applic=CCC&p_service=Content.show&
:no: You can get glandular fever from that. Not nice. http://www.mirates.co.uk/read/glandular_fever_test#ebv_info2
(Of course, I'm by no means preaching here, and do realise how boring I'm probably seeming to people. It's just makes sense to give a reason to disagree with a suggestion, that's all.)
That stat sounds like a sack of shite