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Anal issues
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey,
I wasn't going to post this as it's really personal and no dount I will live to regret posting this but right now I just feel I want some random strangers to write the word hugs sandwiched between a pair of asterisks to make me feel better.
I've got a sore bum hole
I think I have piles maybe from what I've read online etc it seems to fit. I think it was caused by being constipated which was probably caused by my erratic eating habits. It's sore and yucky.
But the worst thing is the memories it is all bringing back. My only real experience of having a sore anus was when I was sexually violated when I was younger, it was so violent and the anal stuff in particular has caused me the most feelings of shame (which is probably some type of prejudice on my part - please don't hold this against me though), it hurt so much back then and the physically sensation I'm experiencing now sort of reminds me of it all, I don't want to remember, I don't want to feel, I don't want these flashbacks.
I feel so much shame. And it hurts.
I wasn't going to post this as it's really personal and no dount I will live to regret posting this but right now I just feel I want some random strangers to write the word hugs sandwiched between a pair of asterisks to make me feel better.
I've got a sore bum hole
I think I have piles maybe from what I've read online etc it seems to fit. I think it was caused by being constipated which was probably caused by my erratic eating habits. It's sore and yucky.But the worst thing is the memories it is all bringing back. My only real experience of having a sore anus was when I was sexually violated when I was younger, it was so violent and the anal stuff in particular has caused me the most feelings of shame (which is probably some type of prejudice on my part - please don't hold this against me though), it hurt so much back then and the physically sensation I'm experiencing now sort of reminds me of it all, I don't want to remember, I don't want to feel, I don't want these flashbacks.
I feel so much shame. And it hurts.
0
Comments
Sounds like you need them! You get the hugs for the pain in itself, let alone anything else.
Pain from piles, if that's what it is, can usually be easily relieved through treatment. I guess from your point view getting medical advice won't be as easy as it would be for some others. I'd still really recommend it, ask for a female doctor, a nurse, a friend whatever makes you feel most comfortable really.
More hugs.
xx
Maybe there is something you can buy, not even over the counter but off the shelf in Tesco or Boots, then you wouldn't have to tell anyone; you can mingle it in with the rest of your shopping. Also, practically for the constipation, go for fruit, veg and dried fruits like raisins, if you fancy them.
Take care
I'm just so head-fucked. I've got a great GP but I really don't think I could consent to anyone inserting anything up my arse, for medical reasons or otherwise. Maybe I could just ask her advice? I think the constipation is due to my erractic eating due to maybe anorexia nervosa, I had diarrhera yesterday and constipation today, I think it is that combination that leads to piles maybe. I think I'm just looking for moral support really, so thanks a lot for your posts and for being so quick and everything this late on a Saturday night.
I've been getting in a bit of a frenzy tonight, voices coming out of my mouth not like cock but my voice but without control. Sorry I didn't explain that well. My hands are shaking, my whole body is shaking actually, my body thinks I'm young again and it doesn't know what to do. I'm not out of my mind, my mind is out of my body.
Another suggestion is to get yourself some moist toilet tissue / baby wipes which will be gentler than usual dry toilet roll.
It sounds like everythings just so hard to deal with at the moment. I guess this is just one added thing you really dont need. If you went to your doctor and told her that you didnt want an examination but coud she maybe diagnose you and give you some advice just from you describing your symptoms?
more hugs
It's so common and it must feel so uncomfortable. I'm sure your GP can sort it out quickly without being too evasive
(and big hugs and you know i'm only a PM away if you need me)
PM me if you need to vent to someone!
Don't know what else to say babes apart from the fact that I feel for you - chin up.
I sort of feel like a bit of a post whore/ attention whore for writing that out, or maybe just a slutty whore who got what she had coming.
I've been eating fruit, veg and high fibre foods. And probiotic yogurt. I may still go to the GP in time, I'm not decided yet, I think I'll see how it goes. I worried that I'll completely lose it with her and end up telling her way too much and then I won't be able to handle things.
I'm so scared of ending up back in hospital. I don't want to get sectioned again. Especially not on one of the mixed wards. My therapy is going really badly, I can't talk about any of this stuff in it.
I think I would find any sort of 'treatment' really difficult as I can't even touch my own anus, I assume you apply the creams etc using your fingers? I am scared of my own body.
This sounds silly but if you got some ointment/cream for piles (prep H or anusol) could you put a blob on a tissue and apply it using that? pretend you are just using a piece of toilet roll in the normal way one uses it, only with a blob of cream on it?!!
Thanks Sikorah, I'm definately going to try that today. I think the piles have gone but that my just be because I'm constipated (again) so ur... they haven't been pushed out :sour: I was trying to avoid laxatives and just do food alternatives because I (according to my GP at least) have an eating disorder and whilst I just don't eat much (mostly due to depression issues, problems with nourishing myself) I am a bit wary of taking laxatives as I've never done that before and I can just see me downing the whole pack at a later date. But for now I am going to go get some and just take them as directed, I feel so 'heavy' it's horrible. And yesterday when I did my slightly-obbessive morning weighing I was 1.8lb more than the day before, I know it's just because I'm full of shit (literally) but I still found that to be distressing.
I think I'll try the laxatives first and then if needed get some ointment/ cream - I was thinking that maybe that way of applying would be okay, I can use toilet roll in the normal way so I guess I could try to do that. I can't handle any sort of flesh contact there or things going up / into it (like those medical things that go there, not that I've ever tried I just know I couldn't) but I might be able to do what you suggest.
Thank you
As for the laxitives, i can understand why you would want to avoid them, but used correctly theyre very useful.
Im sure you probably know this but laxatives do not make you lose weight. The scales may go down following use, but only because they have flushed essential fluid from your body if you werent constipated. They only affect the large intestine(in different ways depending on the type of laxative-for docusate it draws more fluid to the stool to soften it and also stimulates the contractions that push it along) and calories are absorbed before this point, in the small intestine.
Abuse leads to dangerous electrolye inbalances, and the risk of losing control of your bowel functions permenantly.
The 1.8lbs will be the fact that yes, you are full of shit (haha!) and maybe fluid. Im sure that will be lost, maybe more when you go to the loo.
I weigh every morning and night, and can easily gain 3-4lbs during the day, then lose it by the next morning.
Im sure you wont need to resort to using suppositories, id rather stay constipated than shove a bullet up my arse aswell, but i cant imagine how traumatic it would be for you.
Some people find glyceryl supps useful, but theyre mostly for people who cant take oral meds (kiddies, patients in hospital )
I like sikorah's advice and would try some form of cream application if they hurt again. Maybe put a blob ob a tissue on a chair and just try sitting on it accurately, if that doesn't work try the blob on tissue and wipe method.
I wish you weren't going through all this shit (see what I did there).
Mwah
x
I went to the pharmacy yesterday and bought some DulcoEase, some fibre gel drink stuff, some anusol cream and some medicated moist toilet tissue (I figured I'd prefer to only have to do the one shopping trip of this sort!!) I've taken the DulcoEase quite a few times now, three doses yesterday and I'm going to do five today I think I've done about three so far, it hasn't had any real effect yet. The anusol I have been applying on loo roll as suggested, I can just about cope with that. It comes with a sort of 'internal use' nozel too but I'm not going to use that!
I'm really glad that other people on here can understand why I would find the treatment options traumatic, I was worried that people would think I was being silly as there is about as much 'sexual' about this as there is about say using a tampon or whatever but yeah this does really freak me out.
Kat, you make me laugh
I've now gained over half a stone in four days... in poo!! I can't wait for it to go, it is so uncomfortable.
Have you thought about writing it down and giving it to her to read, or printing out some of this thread?
Well I'm worried she'll tell my therapists, shrinks etc. I've not told them.
Maybe someone else would know better than I
I think if I tell her things to do with my mental health (which it sort of is) then she is? At least that is what I've been lead to believe...
i really dont think she would say anything. my gp doesnt liase with my therapist or psych(they contact her if needed).
Most stimulant laxi's usually take 12hours. stuff like fybogel take a little longer.
im not suprised its uncomfortable now. How long has it been since you last went? have you been eating anything?
i think you might need to consider speaking to your gp. Write it down if thats easier. And she cant force you to take any treatment that you dont feel comfortable with, whether you tell her the reasons for it or not.
I did a search on constipation, and it said thats how they usually diagnose it in children, and it would probably be a fairly effective way to diagnose you since youre very slim.
On the NHS direct site it says they would probably give you an osmotic laxative first to soften the stools, then after a few days a stimulant one to try and move it along.
Incase I can't speak normally/ thinking is not clear to be coherant...
I have, I think, constipation + piles. I find this very distressing + I cannot have any examination of my anus, I can't touch it myself either.
It was okay, she didn't do any physical examining to me. She asked if it was okay to ask a few questions and I said it was and answered them and then she gave me advice, information etc. I hinted strongly enough at the background issues that she probably would have known what I was getting at but not in any concrete way that she could record and tell to other people, I didn't give any details about it. She thinks I should avoid laxatives (but the DulcoEase Stool softener is okay I think) if possible due to my current low body weight. She has prescribed me a stronger ointment though which is some steroid thing with a local anaesthetic I think, she said it was okay if I just wanted to use it externally if I prefer or that if I wanted I could get suppositories but she understood that I didn't want them so that was fine. She was very nice to me and I'm glad I went. I've been eating bran with natural yogurt too like she advised.
So far not much different physically but I do feel better for having talked it through with my GP, she really is very supportive to me and also I am glad that they do the walk-in surgery too there so I can just turn up, it's so much better than having to wait ages for an appointment especially for this sort of thing. I've got to the loo a little bit but more like just half-a-poo and than a real one, really hard too - usually I go two or three times a day, I have a very fast metabolism. So I'm still bloated, in pain etc but feel more able to face this at least.
In answer to the other questions, I think my GP knows that I hardly tell my therapists anything much (or anyone else for that matter) as she knows it takes me years to trust people for various reasons. She didn't mention that she would be telling them though so I assume that she won't, I was so vague that I doubt there is anything she could actually tell them anyway.
There isn't an applause one, but you deserve it, and glad things are improving slightly.