Breaks in relationships

Former Member

Do breaks in relationships work?

I've just told my bf I need a break, I don't know for how long. Till I realise how I truley feel about him I guess

When I decided to do it I knew it was the right thing now I'm not so sure. I'm crying and feel like a bit of a bitch :crying:

Things had changed between us over the past few weeks and for me it flet like I had grown apart from him and he felt more like a friend to me. I'm hoping that my feelings do come back for him.

I told my mum and she just made me feel worse! Great how mums have that ability isn't it?! She's just saying "oh you'll regrette it" and "Everyone loves him, your sister do and he felt like the son I never had"...yeah thanks mum for making me feel even shitter :rolleyes:

Do I just not speak to him no until I feel ready to talk to him? I have said I will text him when I get paid as I owe him £60 and don't want to not pay him back. Hm..I just feel a little lost I guess

Former Member

Its probably best to set some sort of time table for it, otherwise he will feel like he is hanging on to a possibility and not much else.

Former Member

budda wrote: »

Its probably best to set some sort of time table for it, otherwise he will feel like he is hanging on to a possibility and not much else.

Yeah thats true thanks.

I guess two weeks should be enough :chin:

Former Member

It doesn't matter what he means to your mum, sister or anyone. You're the one dating him. I know you probably feel awful and it's obvious that you are not a bitch and that you care about him. Just see how it goes I guess. If he feels more like a friend than maybe in time you two could just be friends. It must be confusing but at least you have this break to figure things out in your head.

Former Member

I broke up with my boyfriend in March and it took me until May to realise that I did really want him in my life and I wasn't just missing the comfort and familiarity. It depends on the dynamic of your relationship so I might be way off the mark, but I'd say two weeks isn't really long enough to get your head straight about how you really feel about someone; there's too many other emotions going on to be able to think clearly that fast in this situation.

As for feeling like a bitch, don't. Relationships are friendships above and beyond anything else, and friends don't string one another along when they're not sure how they feel. You've done exactly the right thing; it wouldn't be fair to continue with a relationship you're not sure about.

It could be that things have just got a bit stale and you need some time apart to realise how much you love each other. Dan admitted to me recently that he'd started taking me for granted, and it wasn't until I broke up with him that he realised how much he cared about me and how little he'd been showing me.

Good luck; time is a pretty amazing thing when it comes to issues like these, so just ride the emotion for a while and things will seem clearer over the coming weeks

Former Member

piecesofme wrote: »

I guess two weeks should be enough :chin:

It might be, and it might be a good time to meet and have a chat to see how you are both feeling. But I'd say you will probably need longer than that.

Former Member

It's up to you how you handle the situation, but if it had only felt different for a few weeks i would be inclined to stick it out a bit longer and see if it just falls back into place naturally. As you've already started the break I think you have to complete it, but i would agree i don't think two weeks would necessarily be enough.

I think spending time with someone is the best way to work out how you feel about them, when you're apart you only think of the things about them you want to think of.

Former Member

Butterflykisses wrote: »

I
It could be that things have just got a bit stale and you need some time apart to realise how much you love each other. Dan admitted to me recently that he'd started taking me for granted, and it wasn't until I broke up with him that he realised how much he cared about me and how little he'd been showing me.

:yes: thats what happened with my boyfriend, it wasnt til i initiated a break that he said he realised he hadnt really been appreciating me. i cant really talk though because our break lasted a whole 8 days and we were texting and stuff through it, so not really a total break of contact. but its so nice now.

hope you're alright hun, and realise what it really is you want.

Former Member

Well, me and my husband were on and off for many years, and needless to say, are now married, so I would say that some relationships can come back from breaks stronger than ever. However, we never split up because we didn't feel enough for each other, but due to other factors, so our feelings always won out.

Former Member

Thanks every one


I spoke to my sister today and she said something that is so true, she said me and him would be perfect if only I'd met him in another 4 or 5 years. He's 26 this year and I'm only 20, he's already been through uni and been engaged once. He's very grown up and quite sensible where as I'm just the opposite right now. But if I'd met in when I was 25 we would have been perfect.

Former Member

Yeah, I think part of the reason me and my bf split up is because we're both at different places in our lives. He's almost 22 and on his way to finishing an apprentiship and a HND at college, lives with friends and has rent/bills/food etc to pay for. Whereas I'm only just on my way to uni. And also partly because he decided he couldnt be arsed with the relationship anymore because he would rather concentrate on other things. But I'm starting to realise it was probably a good thing to split up, because I'm still young so I want to experience so many things (like the possibility of working in america for a year after uni) which I wouldn't have been able to do in a relationship. It sucks still but it's a learning curve.

TashJ

Hi piecesofme,

Deciding to take a break from a partner can bring a whole lot of emotions to the fore. It?s totally natural to wonder if you've made the right decision. It sounds like this is a person that you care a lot about, whether or not you end up together in the future.

It might be painful to deal with right now, but it's important to remember your reasons for suggesting the break in the first place. And it doesn?t matter if your mum really liked him, what?s important was how the relationship was for you.

It's totally possible that the time apart will give you a chance to re-evaluate your relationship and realise how important you are to each other. Or perhaps you'll decide that you're better off apart or just friends - either way, you'll have had some time to think things through.

iVillage.co.uk has an article called Break Up to Make Up - while it seems to be aimed at married couples, you might find the sections on 'while your apart' and 'getting back together - or not' are food for thought.

Dealing with a break can be a really stressful time, so please take extra care of yourself over the next couple of weeks - taking time to do things you enjoy and surrounding yourself with supportive friends.

Hope it all works out for you.

Tash