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Is there a right person for everyone?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I've recently come out of a relationship (the end of March) after 2 and a half years and my views on many aspects of life have totally changed.
I don't really know what I'm about to say and whether this is going to lead to a conclusion so here goes;
Basically, I'm starting to not know what I want from life. Before it was a family, a good job and a happy life with my 'then' girlfriend. Now I feel I don't want any of those (except a family but not for a long while yet). So, I don't want a relationship because they seem to be too much hassle and take up loads of time, and I hate arguing, something which seems to be inevitable in relationships (although if you do know of any or if there's any girls out there who also hate arguing my number is 07...only joking).
Anyway, yeah, relationships require too much effort, as does a good job. I'm in the last year of uni and got loads of essays n that to hand in, but no motivation to get them done, because simply, I'm not bothered about getting a good result anymore (come at a bad time I know) because happiness is far more important in a job than money to me. Also, in relationships there's too much pressure on providing etc, I hate pressure.
But the strange thing is, I don't even want anything casual either, because I wouldn't want to risk been with anyone who has 'been around' too much or who is actually 'putting on a personality' at that specific time. I guess I'm starting to sound pessimistic (I'm sure that spelling doesn't look right) about people now but I seemed to have always settled for second best and always just accepted things, and now I'm not that person anymore, I feel.
Right, I think I've come up with a question. Do people think that there's a fair chance of finding someone who wants exactly what you want out of life?
Is it sad for wanting to be with someone who is just like yourself? Do you think some people are better off alone? Maybe I'm one of those people. I make a lot of friends easily, but I'm not really the right type for someone to fancy me, I feel therefore, I am an ugly b*d lol. Oh it's all gone, confidence, motivation and trusting people!
I don't really know what I'm about to say and whether this is going to lead to a conclusion so here goes;
Basically, I'm starting to not know what I want from life. Before it was a family, a good job and a happy life with my 'then' girlfriend. Now I feel I don't want any of those (except a family but not for a long while yet). So, I don't want a relationship because they seem to be too much hassle and take up loads of time, and I hate arguing, something which seems to be inevitable in relationships (although if you do know of any or if there's any girls out there who also hate arguing my number is 07...only joking).
Anyway, yeah, relationships require too much effort, as does a good job. I'm in the last year of uni and got loads of essays n that to hand in, but no motivation to get them done, because simply, I'm not bothered about getting a good result anymore (come at a bad time I know) because happiness is far more important in a job than money to me. Also, in relationships there's too much pressure on providing etc, I hate pressure.
But the strange thing is, I don't even want anything casual either, because I wouldn't want to risk been with anyone who has 'been around' too much or who is actually 'putting on a personality' at that specific time. I guess I'm starting to sound pessimistic (I'm sure that spelling doesn't look right) about people now but I seemed to have always settled for second best and always just accepted things, and now I'm not that person anymore, I feel.
Right, I think I've come up with a question. Do people think that there's a fair chance of finding someone who wants exactly what you want out of life?
Is it sad for wanting to be with someone who is just like yourself? Do you think some people are better off alone? Maybe I'm one of those people. I make a lot of friends easily, but I'm not really the right type for someone to fancy me, I feel therefore, I am an ugly b*d lol. Oh it's all gone, confidence, motivation and trusting people!
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Comments
Firstly sort this attitude to uni out because you will regret it if you come out with a low classification and then it stops you getting a job that you will be happy in.
Ending a relationship can be a real blow and they make you re-assess everything. Concentrate on yourself and uni for the next few months and you'll feel so much better. You're over analaysing everything at the moment, which is expected but try not to because it gets you nowhere! Your self esteem and confidence will come back, no doubt, And you'll meet someone again eventually. You're only young so what you want from life now, won't be the same as what you want in 5 or 10 years.
Relationships take to much effort!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arelationship is only part of your life ...what about the effort you have to put into the rest of it?
Best bet for you mate ...get yourself a telly and a couch and sign on the dole. Grow fat and bald and ugly and play with yourself ...not much effort needed.
I'm not sure that's fair.
Relationships on a whole DO take too much effort. That's why most end.
The one that won't end will be the one that you don't mind putting the work into, so keep going.
Your probably right but ...i keep meeting people who find cooking themselves something to eat is to much effort ...Washing their clothes ...doing a bit of shopping ...
Yes there is a fair chance. There are billions of people out there, hence chances are logistically high. I don't think it's appropriate to think that there is someone meant for us out there. That stems from human greed and implies that we deserve something just because we're here. I believe it's appropriate to think that there is a possibility of meeting someone of whom you're compatible with. It's also appropriate to be aware of our vulnerability. It's essentially all by chance. What we want or desire is totally irrelevant.
I actually find cookign for myslef seems more of an effort than cooking it for myself and others.
:rolleyes: I know Skive has already mentioned this, so it may not seem necessary for me to react to it now, but this kind of response is REALLY frustrating. Can you please remember that this website is aimed at 16-25 year-olds looking for support?
I agree with Lipsy, a relationship break-up is a blow and it's easy to start to doubt whether or not there's anyone decent out there and lose the energy to continue with things that you've invested a lot of time and effort in. Perhaps you could combine some of your current commitments with some new interests?
Your right of course ..maybe you should delete my comments.
And thankyou all for the laughs ...i'm hitting the road next week so will be leaving you all in peace ...tara everyone ...it's not quite next week yet though ...;)
I know what you mean, the motivation is harder when its just for yourself.
Yes.
The problem that I think most people have with relationships is that what they think they want is not the same as what they actually want.
And yeah, relationships do take effort. On both sides. And yes, you'll argue sometimes. It's normal, and generally it's healthy. But the trick is to find someone who makes all of that worthwhile. You haven't, yet, and that's ok. If you want to, you will.
personally i put personal happiness ver something like a succesfull career, i would like to be succesfull but i wont sell my soul for it, if the sacrifices of a good career mean i dont have enough time for my friends, partner & hobbies then i dont see it as being worth it, however not many people see things my way, i have often been called unambitious or down right lazy, i can be a bit lazy at times, i just feel that too many people persue a high flying career because its what they think they want, rather than realising they could be happier with less,
Hi
To the OP ...... i could have wrote that post myself. Unfortunately i can't answer your question because if there is someone out in the world that is a match for me, i have yet to find her.
Andy