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does trust have to be earned?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
K just a general question,when you start a relationship with your other half do they automatically have your trust or does trust have to be earned?
I was just thinking that every girl ive been in a relationship with ive always trusted them from the start,looking back now i realize how naive and stupid ive been.btw im not talking abouts randoms and one night stands im meaning relationships.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it depends on the person
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it a certain extent yes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I fall for the same idealistic trap. I think when I fall for someone I often take it relatively serious quite early on - to the extent that I think if I can't trust them now when can I?

    At the same time, if I was with someone for two weeks and found out they were seeing someone else I wouldn't be too taken aback, probably would think some not too pleasant things about their character but would put it down to experience. On the other hand, if someone was with me for two years and had given me no reason to suspect I needed anything less than full trust in me and went behind my back it would be utterly and totally devastating.

    I think it's naive to trust people at a young age though, I mean every girlfriend I've had has betrayed my trust pretty much. Maybe people grow up though :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Trust is one of those difficult things in life. It can take many years of careful nurturing to build up trust with a particular person. Yet it can all be shattered in less than a single afternoon. Trust has to be earnt in relationships, to a large extent.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I usually put trust in any person I meet, but not utterly, just as much that the damage isn't too big if it's betrayed.

    So, there is a start-trust (which is actually quite good), and gets higher quickly, but might as well be gone rather quickly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was just thinking that in past relationships ive always trusted the girl always thou i was a good judge of character and could pick out the bullshitters,but as i said ive always trusted the girls but the last relationship i had the girl neva trusted me from the word go,even thou i neva gave her any otha reason to think differently,i neva cheated i neva lied but she always thou the worst of me.looking back now i dont know if thats cause she had trust issues or if it was cause she was the liar cheater?I thou it was she had trust issues but im not sure now.
    K a question if your a liar and cheater does that give you trust issues?sorry im not good at explaining what i mean.
    k the way i think is if i dont lie,bullshit or cheat why would i think any1 im in a relationship with would do any different to me.lol k just realized i must be as gullable as you get.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cassidy04 wrote: »
    K a question if your a liar and cheater does that give you trust issues?sorry im not good at explaining what i mean.

    Yes. That's not uncommon, as far as I observed.

    I think it has to do with the little remaining scattered pieces of conscience those cheating people have telling them they are not doing the right thing (even tho goving in to their lust). So they start to become distrustful, either because they think their partner could just as well cheat without them noticing (because they do, without the other one noticing), or it's some kind of 'shield'. You remember high school? When you farted you would be clean off, if you noticed the smell first and blamed someone else? Something like that...

    In my opinion every new girl is like Tabula Rasa. If you bring your distrust from past women into new relationships you do them unright. It puts a strain to the relationship, not making stuff easier.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I don't think trust has to be earnt. When I meet someone I trust them straight away. Why wouldn't you? Unless you have been treated badly in the past maybe..and have issues or soemthing.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    (Replying to this post because it's about trust in general, and not only in a relationship)
    lipsy wrote: »
    No I don't think trust has to be earnt. When I meet someone I trust them straight away. Why wouldn't you? Unless you have been treated badly in the past maybe..and have issues or soemthing.
    That's relative though, isn't it? I mean I don't think you'd trust a person you've just met to hold on to your wallet or to drive you home. At least I hope you wouldn't.
    You can say there's an initial level of trust for each person, which either gets raised or lowered as you begin to know them better.
    The initial level can be so low that when someone asks your name you'd reply "No! Who are you and what do you want from me?" or so high that you'd tell them anything personal that's on your mind at the moment. Or something inbetween.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (Replying to this post because it's about trust in general, and not only in a relationship)

    That's relative though, isn't it? I mean I don't think you'd trust a person you've just met to hold on to your wallet or to drive you home. At least I hope you wouldn't.
    You can say there's an initial level of trust for each person, which either gets raised or lowered as you begin to know them better.
    The initial level can be so low that when someone asks your name you'd reply "No! Who are you and what do you want from me?" or so high that you'd tell them anything personal that's on your mind at the moment. Or something inbetween.

    I was answering about trust in a relationsip not in general, and I always trust someone at the beginning. It's only if they do soemthing a bit dodgy to make me think otherwise that I would question them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    No I don't think trust has to be earnt. When I meet someone I trust them straight away. Why wouldn't you? Unless you have been treated badly in the past maybe..and have issues or soemthing.

    Nah thats what i mean when i start a relationship i have always trusted the girl from the begining and usually the girl trusts me aswell,but my last ex she didnt trust me even thou there was no reason not to.
    Looking back now thou she did lie and she did cheat so maybe that was why she didnt trust me.I suppose if your a cheat and a liar you'll think every1 else must be doing that and same goes if you aint a cheat and a liar you'll think every1s the same as you,hence why sum get played and sum just play.
    I suppose the question should be do you wanna play or be played.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i personally think that at first when you get into a relationship there would be - to a certain degree - some kind of trust or else why would you go out with them if you dont trust them? so yeah, there would be some trust from the beginning, and after that when you really get to know the person that you go out with and discover all the new things abou them then the trust would grow or unless they give you a reason not to trust them then you dont.

    In my opinion trust and honesty plays a major part in any relationship, like i said, if you cant trust them to a certain extent from the beginning why bother going out with them? sorry if i sound harsh... didnt mean it to sound that way!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In order for me to trust someone they have to earn it. Although i dont think i'll ever trust anyone 100%. I can't know they wont screw me over. I trust my boyfriend 99% so thats as good as it gets for me, and thats only because he earned it before we even got together.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need to know someone before I can trust them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tend to go off my instincts...so far they've only been wrong once or twice.

    It also depends on what type of trust, sometimes the trust has to be earned. I am quite a shy person at heart and I only trust a few people with that information, I know they would never do anything to put me in a situation that the shy side of me would find very hard to cope with. With my boyfriend that definetly came with time, as we both got to know each other more.

    What I'm saying I suppose is that for me its not so much earning the trust but more gaining an understanding of each other. For me that includes friends or boyfriends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm normally quite good with my insintics, but very few people can get my trust from the word go.

    If you break my trust, especially repeatedly and batently, you dont stand a chance of me so much as talking to you again, never mind trust you.
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